Rupert Murdoch joins Twitter, fails to Tweet about anything evil

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The tweets of this evil billionaire are surprisingly unexciting

It's finally happened! First it was your mom, then your dad. Now, media mogul and potential Bond villain Rupert Murdoch has joined Twitter, and for someone so evil, he's really boring.

Since New Year's Eve, Murdoch, a man who closely resembles C. Montgomery Burns, has been broadcasting the most innocuous and uninteresting events ever squeezed into 140 characters. Aside from being fooled by a fake version of his wife's Twitter account, nothing worth all this obsessive coverage from people like myself has happened. Although we did all have a good laugh when he wrote that it was "good to see Santorum surging in Iowa."

Come on, Rupert! You run the most awesome goddamned propaganda force in the whole godless world! Sean Hoare, the guy who blew the whistle on you, "mysteriously" dropped dead, and you have nothing more interesting to say than, "Back to work tomorrow. Enough idling!"

If I'm forced to report on your Twitter account, you've got to start tweeting stuff about all the secret murders you've ordered, or about sniping dolphins from the crow's nest of your million-dollar yacht. Or at the very least send us a twitpic of you in front of a shark tank, petting a fluffy white cat. Just start being the terrible incarnation of Charles Foster Kane that we all know and love to judge.

Until then, I encourage all of you to help Rupert out. Use the hashtag #rupertsez and start tweeting the kind of things you think Rupert Murdoch could be saying.