Someone made “Shit Vegans Say,” the franchise is officially over

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Shit Vegans Say

The Twitter-turned-Youtube sensation "Shit Girls Say" continues to inexplicably dominate the Internet with their compilation of the "silly" and "ridiculous" phrases women use. The viral video has also spawned more parodies than a post on Odd Future does hate comments: the "Shit ___ Say" formula has been used to address everyone from gay guys to black girls to the oddly specific and niche southern gay guys. Huffington Post blogger Ari Solomon has just thrown his pleather hat in the spin-off ring with his take on the trope: "Shit Vegans Say."

The video shows Solomon dressed in his finest PETA-approved geared, calling his assembly member and reading nutritional labels with a grimace. What do vegans say? According to Solomon, they recommend diet books ("You have to read Skinny Bitch"), follow Animal Planet's programming ("What time is Whale Wars on?"), and judge those who aren't animal-friendly from afar ("There's that asshole with the fur coat again!"). 

As a (sometimes) vegan, I'm not sure I had the reaction "Shit Vegans Say" was fishing for. At no point during my viewing did I feel compelled to drop my bowl of Kashi and exclaim how true to life the video is and how silly my silly words are. I don't think I get the meme; as a (all the time) girl, I had the same reaction after watching "Shit Girls Say." Yes, I do ask if particular food stuffs are vegan and request that people turn the TV or the stereo down. You got me. Now, am I supposed to feel sheepish? Was your pointing that out considered a "burn?" Do men not ask for blankets? These videos all seem to be implying some overarching elbow-nudging cry of  " _____, AMIRITE?" Women, gay guys, vegans — so wacky.

In the interest of stopping all further explorations of the shit that someone says, here are some generalities organized by categories of people: hipsters talk about EPs, moms ask you if you have a coat, bros quote Jim Carrey movies, Jewish girls ask if you went to Camp Danbee, and conservatives make some passing remark about how fake global warming is every time it snows. There — now stop making videos.