News

Watch: An instructional how-to-give-a-handjob rap video

Pin it

Funny Or Die Handjob rap

Finally, someone has written a rap about how the confusion and dismay we as women often feel when approaching this baffling sexual act. The handjob, usually relegated to awkward teenage hook-ups, is shrouded in mystery for many adult women. The chorus of this Funny Or Die video, written and performed by Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci, “handjob, bland job, I don’t understand job” speaks to the current cultural climate of befuddlement.

Some of the sexual-political issues raised by the song include, “Do I spit, do I squeeze, do I ever touch the top?” “Seriously, what do you do with the balls?”, and, the ultimate HJ query, “How can I learn when you always make me stop?” Help me, straight men, gay men, and women who have mastered the art; I need guidance. I’m not actually supposed to “shake it like a shake weight”, or am I? I can’t tell what’s a joke anymore.