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Watch: Don Cheadle’s new, much more traumatizing Captain Planet

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It's a question that was begging to be asked: would there come a day when Mother Earth's best be-mulleted defender, Captain Planet, would just get sick and tired of humanity's constant shitting on the environment? And if he ever were to reach that point — he wouldn't be the first, and most people don't spend all their time constantly fighting ecological damage — what would he be pushed to do? Well, Don Cheadle thinks he has the answer, and it is terrifying:

Of course he's going to go after Ma-ti the heart planeteer first. (That guy just has no luck. He's obviously the Kenny of Captain Planet.) And while Cheadle's performance is indeed unnerving, it occurred to me as I wrote this post that the good Captain looks like a muscle-queen version of Ziggy Stardust, and I don't know if there's any way such a person wouldn't be alarming.