Don’t worry, the movie’s not real. Or at least it’s not real yet; it feels like it could just be a matter of time. (Also, I am in no way advocating for this cherished game to become a movie in any way at all, but you’d think it would lend itself to adaptation more than the Magic frickin’ 8 Ball. But I digress.)
No, thankfully this is just a trailer for the hopefully never-to-exist Oregon Trail film, created by some enterprising people who recognized that the thrill of the game came not from successfully ushering your family across the West in an epic expression of Manifest Destiny, but from naming your characters stupid things and then watching them die.
If you’ll excuse me, I now absolutely have to go find a way to play this game right now and destroy whatever was left of this day’s productivity.