Watch this Russian ad that makes you really, really want to go to Burger King

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Today, in the latest "other countries' commercials are way cooler than ours" news, this Russian commercial for Burger King makes going to the fast-food franchise look like attending one of the nightlife hotspots described in SNL's Stefon sketches. It's got everything: dachshunds, swamis, hot chicks on unicorns, men in giant, terrifying ground beef masks, Aryan children in sweater vests, ballerinas dancing in fire, tattoo artists, burger-spinning DJs, hipster fry cooks, and a dude in a leather vest who may or may not be the guy from Right Said Fred. Also, a Double Whopper, which is that thing where two jacked midgets roll around in ketchup and pickle juice and have sex between two giant bags of flour, but apparently they can't show that on Russian television. Either way, if this ad doesn't make you want to immediately head to your nearest BK to pick up a bag of chicken fries, you are either the least fun person in the world or not nearly as susceptible to advertising tactics as I am.