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October 24, 2002
| OPINIONS |
 I worked him over orally for awhile. He seemed to enjoy that but couldn't keep a hard-on when he was penetrating. I tried to go back to oral, but he just couldn't turn on again. The "I" in this non-blushing statement was Faye Desiree, a prostitute. The "he" was a client who previously canceled one appointment, then showed up half an hour late for a second. Although Ms. Desiree described the client as attractive, young and fit, she also noted that he was acting strangely, mumbling and avoiding eye contact. In the world of late-night television, the near future would likely involve an ice pick and copious amounts of red corn syrup. This encounter, however, was being retold on the discussion boards of TBD, a.k.a.  The Big Dog, a website devoted to prostitutes and the men who pay to love them. I first heard about TBD on public radio, during a Marketplace report on the underground economy. An "escort consultant" described the various ways in which prostitutes market their services. Sites like TBD, she explained, had advertisements, reviews, and discussions, all about prostitution. Aside from the hookers-to-the-stars who occasionally turn up in the news, prostitution often calls to mind a downtrodden lot — abused women badly in need of therapy and creepy men who are one ATM-card swipe away from becoming pederasts. A social-worker friend of mine used to work with Hollywood street kids whose primary currency was "survival sex," and my own view is that such an assessment is too kind. Still, the notion of escort reviews was irresistible, and off I went to the laptop. The site was there, as advertised, at bigdoggie.net, but the escort-review feature was restricted to members only. Not wanting to rule out a future run for public office, I wasn't inclined to join. The discussion boards, however, required no incriminating credit card to access. Like any other message board on the Internet, TBD comprises notes which participants post by topic. Successive posts create an ongoing discussion, or thread. |
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Much of what transpires is a simple exchange of information: a guy trying to track down a specific prostitute, a hooker announcing she's visiting a certain city. (One escort recently posted details about her upcoming visit to Alabama, mentioning that she was into, among other things, spanking. This led a fellow escort/spanking devotee to suggest that it might make sense for the two working girls to get together and spank each other.) The longer threads, though, were often frank, surprisingly literate discussions about what the participants referred to as "the hobby." The first note I saw was Faye's.
As she recounted, Faye thought music would help her tardy, obviously disturbed client. She played a country Celtic CD, the 
its "melancholy strains" of which she thought might trigger repressed memories. Faye began stroking her john's face and looking into his eyes, and the tears started falling. She held him until he was all cried out. Then, Faye — who noted that she believed in the healing power of animals — left him alone with her cat Noah, whom he played with for a half an hour.
She concluded her post by saying, "It was one of the most memorable sessions I've ever had." Faye also wrote that she had recently participated in a workshop in the desert and done her own psychological exploration. She assumed that the process had lent her a "resonance" that announced itself to her client and gave him permission to "let go."
Among the bouquet of weirdness surrounding that anecdote was the obvious implication that Faye considered her choice of career to be, um, a good thing. And she was not alone. An epistolary e-chorus cheered Faye on, pronouncing her a "gem," a "rare lady indeed" who belonged on a "very high pedestal." One "hobbyist," as the men are called — and they are all men — was moved to share his own struggles with premature ejaculation. One "provider," as the women are referred to, wrote of her efforts to help a client who had been raped as a child. Another poster concluded, "It's angels like you who make this business so damn wonderful!!"
Such ebullience, as it turns out, is not unusual on TBD. In another thread, a client commented: "My worst moment in the hobby is still better than my worst regular dating moment." Another provider pronounced the business "wonderful" for allowing her independence and for feeding her two addictions: sex and shopping. "No other job could fulfill my needs! I love it!" she wrote.
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Commentarium (17 Comments)
Great article! Finally we're moving towards a more balanced view towards prostitution, at least in some fringe places like Nerve...Now we just have to work on gettin prostitution legalized and provide places for these women and men to get tested and protected in a non-shame-based manner...
I was surprised to read such a prudish article in Nerve.
Well done. Over my lifetime when this topic comes up as it rarely does, the only thing that keeps coming to mind is, "Why in the world is the 'hobby' illegal to begin with!" I've not had the need or, maybe, an opportunity to avail myself of it. But still, nothing has or will ever put a stop to it, and besides, even if some get hurt, it was their choice to take that risk, right? Money is made, people's lives are saved probably far more often than injured or lost, intimate fantasies are realized rather than suppressed, nothing the law has ever done has put the slightest dent in the industry, much can be said for legalization if nothing more than taxation and health monitoring, children who are offspring of 'provider' or client suffer when their parents are jailed for having a job or an orgasm...outside of juvenile involvement and slave trade it simply makes zero sense to sustain persecution of anyone involved. Criminalizing the profession would, as in the drug war scene, seem to ensure violence, theft, brutality, crowded jails and courts, needless embarassment, extreme and unjust penalties...what is sick about this is those who think its any of their business whether it goes on or not. In some way, keeping it illegal has led to it becoming even more risky because people will go to ever more radical lengths to get it!
Cool piece. I just checked out the site, bigdoggie.net, and it is surreal, as advertised. On the general discussion board, a guy named Cascade Dude bidding all the other hobbyists farewell, as he had finally come clean with his wife. He also goes into how he was blackmailed in the past by some provider.
"even if some get hurt, it was their choice to take that risk, right?"
are you kidding?
For someone who attended a fine liberal institution, the article definitely has the classic right-wing views of prostitution..The cheap comment about how ALL ladies are downtrodden & all clients are an ATM click away from being pederasts...You're the type that thinks most escort/client mtgs. involves the following scenario: the escort & client meet in a beat-up car in an abandoned alley, the girl is hooked on drugs, guy beats up the girl, & every worst-case imagineable...Perhaps in the "streetwalking" scene, many horror stories exist, but this really isn't case in the high class escort scene..Believe me, most clients have a hell of alot more money than you.
hi, Leif (a/k/a, "accidental", on the TBD board). all things considered, "Hookers at the Point & Click" was a reasonably balanced article. unfortunately, part of the all things that had to be considered is that certain important constituencies (to put it as delicately as possible) implicitly required you to marginalize us with terms like "weird" and "these were folks I didn't want to be trapped with in an elevator".
as you are no doubt aware from all the "research" you've been doing {chuckling}, the essential difference between the typical reader of nerve.com and the typical reader of TBD is that it is the latter who actually have the "nerve" to do what it takes to *have* an interesting and varied sex life, rather than just reading about it.
While the article was somewhat informative I found it a bit one sided as you have not 'gone there' but think you would, as would most other readers be quite surprised at the normalcy of the people involved and at the level of friendship that can occur during a 1-4 hour meeting. The majority of men are not freaks nor perverts but Joe everyday, yeah even the guy in the elevator-so are the ladies, they are in the PTA, maybe your waitress or that customer service rep you call when you need pc advice.
Interesting side note: a group of ladies in the biz recently took a non scientific IQ test and the majority scored in the top 10% of all test takers via the internet-guess they are all doped up, go figure.
The article was a good insight on how things work out between the normal interactions at bigdoggie.net but didn't cover the elite aspects of the member portion of the site. It is the bigdoggie elite called the VIP section (VIP members posting names are in yellow)which encourages sharing the personal contact information of any woman who displeases them. One VIP called Steve Diverse even posted to "put a contract out" on the woman who tried to leave the adult entertainment business against the request of another VIP member.
The story is found at:
women under attack at bigdoggie.net
The article was a good insight on how things work out between the normal interactions at bigdoggie.net but didn't cover the elite aspects of the member portion of the site. It is the bigdoggie elite called the VIP section (VIP members posting names are in yellow)which encourages sharing the personal contact information of any woman who displeases them. One VIP called Steve Diverse even posted to "put a contract out" on the woman who tried to leave the adult entertainment business against the request of another VIP member.
The story is found at:
http://www.geocities.com/carinkeene
"among the bouquet of weirdness"...that has got to be the lamest line I have ever heard. This authors objectivity is non existent and I can tell by the way he describes the boards as something surreal that he is a lousy fuck. Guess what pal the Providers on the internet today are comprised of jane Q. public and you probably have spent plenty of time in elevators and numerous other places with them and never had the faintest clue.
The author seems unable to fathom that there are many people in the world that are Not just O.k. with their sexuality but o.k. enough to actually find a job where getting paid for it would be a great career choice. Lets see.... Great Pay, excellent resources for marketing and safety are now available, work your own hours and make more money in 1/5th the amount of time or less. great dinners and stimulating conversations with people you would never get to meet otherwise, orgasms, and occasionally really making a difference to some lonely overworked guy who really needs some caring companionship and intimacy. Yea sure there are down sides to it as well but no more so and alot less so then most of the jobs that people find themselves in nowadays.
I think this article would have been much more interesting if the author hadn't made his uptight sexual nature so prevalent through out...it's like a vegetarian reviewing a steakhouse. Even your title is hardly original and your judgemental attempts at humour bely your sexual angst so well that even Freud would find you boring.
Faye Desiree was a wonderful women who impacted many people in her life with her great spirit and open mind. Unfortunately she is no longer with us and we all miss her and her additions to the boards very much. I find it Ironic that in your attempt to make providers look like a bunch of misanthropic weirdos you chose the one most grounded and evolved woman many of us have known in or out of the business to quote...
I entered this world of on-line prostitution for 3 months as a "provider" (at age 50!) and had an absolute ball. It was a huge boost to my ego at get paid $300/hr for my services and get tipped and complimented as well. I learned so much about men and about my own sexuality and capacity for pleasure. And my husband loves me so much, he allowed me to do this. He is a fantastic lover and he understood that I was capable of having a lot of sex said that I "glowed" when I was getting all that sex. It was a fabulous aspect of our sex life and a memory I'll always cherish. I only stopped because of circumstances beyond my control, lost my lease... Boo hoo.
Hello boys, I am Sandra and I want to write my little commentary. I am want to place your text at my personal blog, with link to your blog. Is it normal for your? give to me your answer, please.
Hmm, nice. im out right now.
Whay are you don't publish actual news?
Whay are you don't write about something really interesting? Let's try! :)
Now you say something