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Although
such enthusiasm wasn't about to change my feeling that these were folks
I didn't want to be trapped with in an elevator, the boards hit on a personal
weakness. Some people listen to police scanners; I have a thing for eavesdropping
on subcultures that seem to clash with preconceived notions. In this regard,
TBD rarely disappoints. Reading it is like buying a copy of Street News
and discovering a headline that proclaims: Transience Kicks Ass!
For example, the amount of retro formality found on the boards is disarming. Hobbyists
and providers often refer to each other as "ladies" and "gentlemen" and
are quick to discuss appropriate behavior for those in the hobby. Anyone
who disregards their informal code earns the cutting epithet of "slob."
Most of the  gentlemen
who rhapsodized over Faye said she was on their "must-see" lists
the next time they were in her state. This sort of thing often occurs in
discussions, and dialogue usually goes like this: "What an interesting point
about the wildness of Alaska and the ruggedness of the human spirit —
by the way, let's have sex."
Many of the participants have already slept
with each other, so it's not unusual for a hobbyist to sing the praises
of one provider to another hobbyist, and for the provider then to thank
the guy who recommended her. This might happen in a discussion that innocently
started out about favorite movies. With barriers to sex virtually nonexistent,
getting together — or having been together — comes off with all
the gravity of an introduction in the straight world. Yes, nice to fuck
you, too.
Predictably, the boards exhibit a total lack
of shame about sexual interests that might strike the mainstream as perverse.
A hobbyist might be looking for an escort with a "really great schoolgirl
uniform," or the provider with the "biggest nipples in town," or someone
who has "given birth and is still lactating," or even "pregnant and starting
to show." (As it happened, there was indeed a young lady who was four or
five months along and still working.) But the quality most central to the
site is something referred to as GFE. As a TBD neophyte, I saw the term
used repeatedly but didn't understand what it meant. I only knew that it
was a compliment. "A real GFE," a hobbyist would write, praising one of
the providers. Or a provider, announcing her arrival in town, would refer
to herself as "true GFE." Finally, I found an on-site glossary: GFE stands for "girlfriend
experience," and it refers to a session involving:
A provider that makes the experience seem
unrushed, enjoyable, fun, relaxing and more like a "real" date than a quick
commercial encounter. In practice, though, it seems to depend on chemistry,
personality and mutual expectations, as YMMV ("your mileage may vary") for
both the provider and client — and involves either the illusion or
reality of passion on the part of the provider.
To the outsider, this might translate simply as
"someone who can fake it." TBD participants, though, would suggest it is
something more. One hobbyist I spoke with earnestly described his encounters
as, "very passionate, very caring, very intimate, for a fixed amount of
time." A madam also addressed the paradox: the hooker-john
relationship is business-based, but it doesn't mean that the individuals
involved can't become friends, like each other or have fun. "The women who
can remember that tend to like their work and can have
a good life," she said. "The others end up quitting or on drugs."
In The Crack-Up, F. Scott Fitzgerald
wrote, "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two
opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability
to function." I'm never sure exactly what it means, but I think of this
whenever I consider the hobby. For most of us, when commerce enters the
picture, the opportunity for human warmth disappears. But hobbyists are
arguably more capable of feeling "chemistry" when the circumstances
of their intimacy are clearly defined. With sites like TBD, strangers in
the night suddenly have a community. They're prime examples of how prostelyzers
of the internet predicted people would be brought together in our brave new future.
Last June, law enforcement officials in Florida,
where TBD is based, concluded an internet-prostitution sting titled Operation
Flea Collar. Fourteen people were arrested, all of them involved in some way with TBD. Charges included racketeering,
conspiracy to racketeer, committing prostitution, deriving support from
prostitution and aiding and abetting prostitution. As part of the investigation,
undercover agents posed on TBD as a fictitious provider named Lia Nice.
The men who were busted after arranging to "meet" with Lia were then used
to target women they had previously hired. Criminal allegations against
the two male owners of bigdoggie.net are more wide-ranging. It has been
suggested that they were more involved in pimping than operating a discussion
board (which would be protected by the First Amendment) and that they may
have used their positions to solicit sex in exchange for favorable treatment
on TBD.
The result is that TBD's future is uncertain. As of now, the site is still operating despite a state prosecutor's attempts to shut it down. Until the trial, it's difficult to tell whether the site will be defensible
on the grounds of free speech, and to what extent corruption was involved in its management. Although I started following the boards for their stony
entertainment value, as the TBDers face an uncertain future I find myself
pulling for them, or at least their community. My sympathy isn't so advanced
that I advocate legalization. I haven't even gotten past the point of finding
it all a bit depressing. But I would say that if I had the power, I would
grant the TBD-ers their primary wish, which is to be left alone.
n°
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©2002 Leif
Ueland and Nerve.com
| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: |
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Leif Ueland received
a Master's Degree in the Professional Writing Program at the University
of Southern California. He has written for public radio's Marketplace and
several newspapers, and had a play produced in Minneapolis. His first book,
Accidental Playboy, was published by Warner Books in November 2002.
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