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April 29, 2002
| PERSONAL ESSAYS |
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o there I was, leaning into the wall at a precise sixty-degree angle, one leg balanced precariously on a too-high footstool and one hand grasping a too-low door handle, while my boyfriend squatted awkwardly behind me, trying desperately to get it in, and I thought, what's so wrong with the missionary position? Two minutes later, flat on my back on the couch and my boyfriend pumping away on top of me, I decided that nothing, nothing at all is wrong with it.
Saying that missionary sex is your favorite is kind of like saying that you like bread a whole lot. Sure, everyone likes it, but it's not something you spend a great deal of time thinking about or that you need to
form an opinion on. It's just there. To all the sex gymnasts, this kind of banal preference looks lazy, unimaginative and uninformed. If they went to such lengths to determine that "Feeding the Peacock" is their favorite position (except on Saturday nights when they like "Congress of the Cow"), then shouldn't I, too? Shouldn't I get off my back a little more often before settling on doin' it like they do on the networks during primetime?
I'll admit that I'm a lazy fuck. I like being on the bottom. I'm familiar with its ins and outs. The missionary position is like a "You are here" marker, and I know how to get straight from there to my happy place. Which, of course, is exactly why I should be taking the scenic route more often. But when a position requires too many instructions, props, or readjustments, I tend to abandon it for something more comfortable. I'm a bit of a dreamer and I like to think that all the pieces should go together just so, without us having to move to a lower couch or a chair without arm-rests or a harder surface. I like to get swept up in the moment, and I find that harder to do when I'm trying to figure out if this angle is going to break off my boyfriend's penis or scratch his hardwood floors. And getting "swept up" when
you're trying out a position for the third or fourth time that hour (because his thing keeps slipping out) feels like reshooting a badly written movie scene over and over. Or worse, it's like being the star of a porno: moving from couch to kitchen to stairwell to doggie style just to keep it interesting for the viewers. If I ever left my bedroom curtains open, my neighbors would be bored limp. (They might also observe that my self-love habits are equally, well, habitual: My vibrator is built by Hitachi, five years old and going strong — no garish "Hello Kitty" logos or gratuitous cheap plastic attachments. Like the missionary position, it's my workhorse; it gets the job done.)
The problem with being a missionary position enthusiast is that my fellow evangelists are not the type I like to associate with. A recent article in Redbook magazine, that bastion of good wifedom, praised it thus: "Think of it this way: Do you look better leaning over your husband with your stretch marks glistening and everything drooping and jiggling —or reclining with your face turned up, lips parted expectantly, and your hair arranged over a bank of snowy white pillows? The missionary position is feminine; it's alluring." Another fan, the inventor of the "coital alignment technique" (a.k.a. the supersized missionary position) has called simultaneous orgasms achieved during MP sex the only "truly satisfying" kind. The idea is as old as Freud: Normal women should enjoy normal copulation (but not too much!) with their providers, the way our good Lord intended it.
And over in TV land, doggiestyle = animal passion with no love or affection; woman-on-top = she's a very together, but slightly cold, sexpot and he's a little freaked out by her; and missionary = one-true-love sex. In a recent episode of Six Feet Under, Nate rushes home to his fiancé after chatting with a rabbi about "soulmates." His beloved, kinky Brenda tells him, "Go away and come back in as an intruder. And take me. I'll be naked." But Nate just wants to do it missionary style 'cause he rilly rilly loves her (and he says so as he comes). Brenda rolls her eyes over his shoulder mid-missionary, and we're led to believe she has "intimacy issues." It's an insidious thing, like associating names with the character traits or physical attributes of
people you've known by those names; we just can't help it. And producers use our shallow cultural assumptions as short-cuts to explaining a character: If I lived in TV land, my bedroom behavior would identify me as intimacy-issue-free. It would demonstrate what a good little, slightly submissive, loyal girlfriend I was. I would probably be a good cook.
What the short cut doesn't tell you is that positions aren't submissive, people are. If you think missionary sex puts a woman in her place, then you must not think much of women. If you think it's lazy, then you're obviously not working hard enough at it. And if it's not doing it for you, then maybe you just need a little more practice. If you must reject it, at least reject it for legitimate reasons — because you don't like the view, or it doesn't hit your G-spot — not simply because it was once (okay, still is) embraced by prim housewives, religious types, and uptight sexologists as Proper Sex.
Missionary is kind of like tofu: You have to add your own flavor. If she lines up just right, his pelvic bone presses her magic button better than any reach-around, and if she puts her hips into it, she can thrust with as much gusto as he does. It's the most skin-to-skin contact for your money; if he doesn't prop himself on his elbows, it's the good kind of smothering, too, like a heavy blanket or having your blood pressure taken. And if you're the type to get easily distracted on the road to paradise, being on the bottom frees you from the responsibility of maintaining the rhythm and pressure. It's all about me-time down there.
But I don't enjoy being a selfish lay. (Not all the time, anyway.) So I am learning to find the sexiness in the attempts. I'm beginning to understand the animalistic appeal of shove-your-face-into-a-pillow doggie style, the power trip of being almost fully clothed on top of your naked boyfriend, and the exhibitionistic buzz of doing it against the kitchen wall in front of an open window. These corporeal alignments are like a dirty weekend, a vacation from vanilla sex. But damn if it doesn't feel good to come home again. n°
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Commentarium (60 Comments)
I don't do yoga, I never did gymnastics. Does everybody HAVE to be a sexual athlete? Missionary's fine by me.
I totally agree with you. the missionary position IS like bread. it's there. at the same time, having jam, cookies, and everything else can be fun too. what iS boring though is yoga. but it's good stretching and alinement.
Good article. As a 45 year old follower of Nerve, I too am sometimes left feeling a bit "old". So, reading your article this morning confirms that my wife and I are right on target in our old fashioned ways of having fun in bed.
Thanks.
Nice article. I wholeheartedly, agree. As a man, I am down with being on top, missionary style. It's what I dreamed of. If that whole she bang thing is right, MP is as natural as air. The other positions are like secondary, playful, silly, humorous laws that are born without a cause... sort of. MP is the two as one position. Maybe if the gravitaional laws flip, men would feel more comfortable looking up. Maybe MP in zero-gravity, men would lay and let the women thrust or like you said, also capable of trust. MP also stands for multiple partners, military police, meeting place, etc.
Can I just say as a man I really enjoy seeing a woman's face and her breasts moving around during sex. Missionary is best for that. Ok, there, I said it. Great article.
Although my girlfriend and me often have sex in several positions, some off the Nerve.com site, we often wind up with me on top, pushing forward to rub the hell out of her little man in the boat, her thighs wrapped around my waist. She then can spank me as my hands grasp her buns for a furious sweaty climax. All this after much foreplay, two stiff belts and a couple of beers and her dancing naked in her killer heels. She can compete with most dancers I have seen in strip clubs, and she won a amateur contest once in a San Diego nude bar. But I still prefer woman on top or doggie style, as most of the women I have known enjoy these two. Why some so called feminists make a big deal out of intelligent, attractive, educated women choosing to be below the man is beyond me. Sex is fun, and between consenting adults is lusty and as Woody Allen said, "Sex without love may be an empty experience, but as far as experiences go, it aint bad."
well written...very enjoyable...and I thought I was the only one...lazy fuck...that's us I guess
Yeah, Rebecca,
Keep trying, honey. Sometimes being on top is like riding bareback - slippery and exciting,
and animal-style, just like National Geographic...
keep going with it - the writing will follow
enjoyed the piece!
everything you said is so true, sometimes the old fashioned way is best:)
but it's always good to have "the dirty weekend"
~great article.
It is the only way to ecstasy with her.
Really enjoyed this piece. The voyeur in me loves women in the missionary position!
Great essay! I enjoyed this well written and fun to read item. MP is indeed an often slighted but oh so trustworthy way to go. Sort of distracting when your mind and body is focused more on trying to do the thing right at the expense of enjoying the ride.
what she said about what i like to call the "missionary grind" is totally true. flex yr hips at the waist, grind them pubic bones and swivel yr hips side to side slightly and you got yrself an orgie. female legs wrapped around waist and the prop-up pillow optional but may assist. there is more to the MP than meets the tingle.
Terrific article. Thanks!
basically the best position for a woman if her husbband is not too heavy. if that is the cadw the womanon top is better it is easier to suck her nipples in thatposition
It's about time someone said it! Like meatloaf, a comfy shirt or the friend you know is always "there for you", MP fits just fine, thankee! It's plain foolish to pooh-pooh a thing just because it has no hip cache.
Excellent article. I enjoyed the writter's viewpoint, she made me rethink the missionary position. She braught to light what we know deep in our hearts and are too self concience to admit. I agree with her view. Keep up the wonderful words.
I totally agree. I didn't realize there was "supossed" to be some sort of shame around enjoying missionarry sex... How ridiculous. great article
Rebecca, your essays are a riot -- very funny, witty and insightful.
A fine, well written article, Rebecca. For me, nothing except orgasm equals the mind
saturating thrill I get slowly sliding my penis into my lover's vagina as we begin fucking.
And, other than by cunnilingus, the MP has always been the only way she reaches orgasm.
One other position has intense allure as well: that's what I call "Side Saddle." The woman lies
on her side with lower leg straight and upper leg bent well up so the knee forms a 90 degree
The man straddles the lower leg. The advantages of this position:
1. The vagina tends to be a bit compressed, squeezing the penis a bit.
2. The man has a total view of the woman's body and can easily manipulate breasts.
3. The man's balls rest and slide back and forth on the inner surface of the woman's lower thigh,
adding erotic input for both partners.
4. I experience a powerful feeling of freedom and power as I climax in this position. It's a little
as though I'm standing, holding a fire hose and watching it shoot out.
Thanks for your essay. Consider me a fan.
DSW
I ain't vanilla or Redbook, but missionary is a top fave. Right after that ol' us lying with him behind me spoonishly, all coiled around and inbetween. Plenty of ops for face to face, as well as touching all over.
(But, right now, I'd settle for ... SEX.)
Right on, Nerve!
I am so totally f&#@ing with you on this. Especially the part about the bad (Christian, etc.)
bedfellows. Glad to have you in my court, or to be in yours, whatever.
Amelia Copeland
Former Editor, Paramour (smut) Magazine
I completely agree with every word you said in this article! It's like reading something from my own lips! The missionary position is the best way to achieve ultimate pleasure at the same time as being comfortable and a 'little submissive' as you put it! Good luck to you in your future sexploits!
Do you have any pictures to go along with your essay.
dear mam,
i am one of the regular readers of nerve on line,living in the remotest areas of pakistan,gilgit.i am a psychiatrist.your comments on the praise of missionart position are,well in your opinion right perheps your partner is unable to enter through other positions owing to the short length of his tool,it's is just a speculatiuon,no hard feelings.in my experience keeping a women always under you makes her a little frustated after all she does has a right to fuck.as long as both of you are coming and having an orgasm or orgasms keep it up and if you feel delinated or bored,try riding him,him lying on the bed and you squatted/astride him,gyrate your hips in a circular motion or in a to and fro rhythm,both of you will love the feeling,only to let go your inhibitions a little bit.
I'm 56, heterosexual male, and believe the sexual component of my life has been full and rewarding. I've been divorced since 1982 and been in two committed, single partner relationships during that time. I've had numerous lovers between the two serious relationships. Because I enjoy the MP more than any other position, with oral sex coming a close second, I've often wondered if I was a little square in my thinking. I know my partner's pleasure has always been of primary concern with mine a close second. Although the Kama Sutra is way beyond my experiences, I've done a fair amount of dabbling with my partners and I still think the intimacy shared in MP is by far the best. It is difficult to think about my partner and really relish the feelings I have for her when I'm worried about being able to stay inside her, or whether one of us is going to fall over or just plain get physically hurt. Also, MP is wonderful any place its performed from the bed to the backseat of a car, the bed of a pickup, a woodland forest, the beach, anywhere the mood happens to be. I think looking in my lover's face, seeing into her eyes, feeling the movements and contortions of her body, and the wonderful kissing is about as good as one could hope to have. I'll take MP, just need that special lady to share it with. Thanks for a well written and confirming article.
Thank you. That was funny.
Yep, the position can vary, and the Nerve drawings help. I can really push in and twist around as she grasps and swats my buns for more. Eye contact, kissing, dirty talk, nipple tweaking, great! I can go in a circle, hitting her Gspot and with plenty of lubricant, rub her little man in that boat as she raises her butt off her pillow for more. Look back in the mirror and see buns going up and down, just like an amateur video. Roll around like two cats and let her scream your name. She will be around for more, treat her well, listen and do not fall asleep yet! Get up, shower again, smoke a joint, sip a drink and do some stand up fun in the kitchen before she pulls you to the bed for even better hot oral 69 fun. Tell her to imagine her college boyfriend coming in naked, hard and ready! Drive her nuts! Imagine seeing him being sucked off as you enter her gently and then push in for another great sex bout. She will love you for it!
What an awesome article - thank you!
Especialy for a sexy girl with a bad back.
There is hope yet.
LOVED your article, in a bitter-sweet kind of way. I broke up with someone about six months ago and you reminded me of how wonderful the sex was! Thanks. It was the best sex either of us ever had. We were a couple of rabbits...any time..any where. I loved coming up behind her, standing at her kitchen-counter (God, that was the BEST! Don't forget to set the knife down, carefully! ) I'd trace my fingers lightly down the outside curves of her breasts. I just LOVED her moans and gasps of delight as I'd kiss her neck and carress her. I can't tell you how many meals were put off until much later. And we'd usually wind up on her bed or on the couch in the missionary position.
You are right that the missionary position is just wonderful! We experimented a lot, but always came back to it, especially after several orgasms, when she had no strength left to hold herself up, she could just relax completely and enjoy the sensations and closeness.
I gotta go take a cold shower
Pete in New Hampshire
There is much to be said for the classic missionary position. Sure, my girlfriend and me try some others, some from the Nerve site (God, my lower back from one bizarre one still smarts from a few nights ago)! She really goes nuts when I push forward, still thrusting as the shaft rubs against her little man in the boat. She massages and pats my buns for even more fun, her thighs wrapped around my waist. She can caress my balls and grab my head as she is about to cum. Rocking side by side and thrashing around until I roll over and then she really humps as she rides me, pumping up and down as we see us in a big mirror for a noisy sweating climax! One of the hottest amateur porn videos was like this, with two young babes taking turns ravishing a naked young guy until he mounted the brunette as the little blond chick spanked him, played and kissed his balls and even probed his asshole for a sweaty noisy real climax! Then they relaxed before the stud went doggie style with the blond as his thick curved 8 incher drove her wild, caressing and spanking.
I've tried missionary style, but with me on top (I'm a woman). It works well and there is that closeness. It's a somewhat different experience with the man on top.
Who says a woman has to be perpendicular if she's on top??
Yaaay! I'm all about it sis. I've never thought ov the MP as "submissive"; it's more like, OK, I will lie here and be adored like a goddess while YOU do all the hard work". I really like wrapping my legs around someone and digging my heels into the small of his back. And like you, I find that having to consider the mechanics of the thing is way distracting.
As I move into middle age there are other considerations. I've a chronic and undiagnosable autoimmune thingie that mainly affects my knees, & rules out any position that puts my weight on them for too long. And other stuff like that.
I was overjoyed to find that someone shares my feelings for the good ol' MP. It's only boring or limiting if you are an unimaginative or repressed type... and no one's ever accused me of being either one.
shantih,
... Pomba Gira
MP is the one that fits better with the mentallity of our society, but it's not the best position for women, in my opinion, but it's fine also.
hi
I definitely agree. I always wondered if it was any of the men's favorite positions,..but as I read some of the feedback I was surprised to see that they were loving it as well!! Good! I won't feel like a "normal" lay even though I get them off all the time.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts.
yes yes yes. agree agree agree. i too have been sheepish about it, last time i had a new lover who was sweetly inquiring as to how he could please me, i actually felt odd about having to 'fess up. but you know what, MP is still the only position in which i can get off without help from hands. AND, i too love the yummy smothering-ness of it. there's just nothing feeling the entire length and so much of the weight of your lover. unfortunately i empathize with prc, in the bitter-sweetness - said new lover had much potential but is no longer a lover.
Love your essay!
I really enjoyed your take. It mirrors my own. In addition the essay was well written and had a light touch. Thank you.
I really enjoyed your article. The missionary position is really wonderful. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity in the missionary position. The third time we had intercourse, she lost count of the number of orgasms she had. I will never forget her lying under me and telling me "This is the best experience of my life".
I loved the intimacy of full body contact; feeling her legs wrapped around me, her caressing me, her breasts under my chest added so much to my pleasure. It was so exciting to look over my shoulder and watch my buttocks moving up and down as I pumped her. I felt so empowered knowing that it was because of me that she was feeling such incredible joy. After I reached orgasm, it took a while before I was able to say something besides "Whoa, yeah!"
I love missionary, however,I love other positions too. I'm not talking about anything that takes so much concentration or strength that orgasm can only be reached by thinking about it. I'm talking about (to name one) spooning! I like it cause right after your done, you only have to stop, and you already have your partner in a loving embrace that you can fall asleep in warmly. My only gripe is that she HAS to go to the restroom usually right after. But that happens no matter wich position we use. BTW, Beautifully written essay. On a final note, when we do missionary, we both prefer me to be on my elbows, it puts our bodies completely against each other and the warmth from that is what makes it so amazing in my books!
Sorry, I just sent the last message, and forgot to ask one thing... This question goes out to the ladies, Do you enjoy the spooning position? Answer here, or by e-mail since I probably wont be able to find this page again.
jehaley30@hotmail.com
The missionary position enables the intimacy of the lovers to be felt more closely than necessary. Come to think of it, its the only position where you can really savor the nearness of your lover. Doing it the hard way might seem more erotic or more exciting or more adventurous, but it lacks the intimacy.
I agree! Love my man on top....don't mind and occasional variation, but why change something that works? I hear no complaints from him!!!
I'm with you, Rebecca. MP is my favorite as well (as you say about your vibrator, it gets the job done). Your other observations are right on too. Supine = satisfaction!
Emilou, you are an execllent writer. I hope you write for a living, thatyou are a professional writer.. As you can tell i hope, i loved your MP article: it was fun to read as it must have been fun to write (and DO!). You are obviously a great fuck (I mean that only in the best of terms)as yous eem uninhibited, that you enjoy sex as you enjoy writing. Your article was liberating. especially at this hour thta I am writing. Please write back if you can. I'm at ahnapier@gmail.com. Would love to hear back from you. You've even piqued my curiosity about the doggy style, with face thrust into pillow. DS has never worked for me, but i'm williing to try it again now. Tim
Yea!!!!!
I have always favored the missionary position before I ever heard it called that and even before my first sexual experience. I also have always been attracted to women with somewhat larger thighs than what meany people called "ideal". By that I do not mean fat. The women of the 1940's and 1950's seemed to have had larger thighs than those portrayed as ideal today. It seems as if it is all in the boobs tody. The only drawback I found after I began having sex using the missionary position was that I tended to have an orgasm faster, sometimes too fast especially when my partner wrapped her legs around me, locked her ankles in the small of my back then slid her thighs up and down my sides dragging her heels across my fanny. I finally found out that if I started with her astride me I could achieve nearly the same intimacy, yet not have a premature orgasm, thus allowing her to better control her arousal and at the right moment (her call) we could roll over together without me falling out of her and finish up in the missionary position with a near simultaneous orgasm. As to the woman's fear of parts of her upper body hanging down when on top I don't think most men care expecially if the relationship is a long term one and they really love their partner. I was somewhat taken aback when my wife told me she no longer wanted to be on top because of that. She also was having moisture problems (we are in our 60's)and even artificial lubricants and estrogen patches and other medication does not seem to help. I am not overly endowed but sex has become painful for her and I think she feels she can satisfy me more easily by using the missionary position without a prolonged session. She still has no problem wrapping her legs around me despite having put on a little weight around her middle and I can still suckle her breasts in that position. Over the years she has commented on numerous ocassions that I sure loved big thighs especially when I would get really aroused. We even get in the missionary position without my penetrating her just because we both love the intimacy of it and sometimes I even have an orgasm without penetration. I still get just as excited as I always did when I notice her skirt ride a little high on the thigh or when I catch a glimpse of her thighs through her parted bathrobe when she walks around the house. She still fills out a tight pair of slacks pretty well. If I had to do it all over again the missionary position would still be my favorite, hands or bottom down. I don't think anyone should be made to feel slighted because they love the missionary position. Its been around a long time and I don't think it will go away anytime soon. Thanks.
Respect to the author of original work. I am want to say thanks for funny post, and thanks to google and yahoo for perfect blog search.
Your words is simple great, Especially for beginners!
u need 2 treat ur girl well first start to strip then start putting ur tongue down ur throat get ur on the bed suckin ur penis then play with her boobs get a cock harness to increase pleasure the put ur penis in her vagina make her feel u and u touch her thats how i use MP
gr8 article
u need 2 treat ur girl well first start to strip then start putting ur tongue down ur throat get ur on the bed suckin ur penis then play with her boobs get a cock harness to increase pleasure the put ur penis in her vagina make her feel u and u touch her thats how i use MP
gr8 article
Stupid commentators, funny comments, lol
Keep up the excelent work, bookmarked and referred a few mates.
We've all been there: you can find yourself driving by means of a certain a part of town let you ...
Bless them. And bless you, for initiation the thread.
Whay are you don't write about politic?
Okay I'm cvonniced. Let's put it to action.
Your article prefeclty shows what I needed to know, thanks!
Even bad sex ain't too bad.
The MP is better when you have time and extended privacy. It is messier - her hair gets all mussed and it's better with no clothes to get rumpled and stained.
But for a quickie, mounting from behind has a lot going for it. Her clothes and hair don't get mussed. Just bend her over and fold her skirt onto her back. If she's wearing panties, pull 'em down and she's ready. Open the trouser fly and go at it. When finished, a handkerchief takes care of any slight fluids. A quick wipe off and go on to whatever you and she were doing next.
Her hair is still ordered and her clothes haven't been stained or torn. And it can be done most anywhere that just a little privacy is available. "Family" restrooms are becoming more and more available. No one will ask why just the two of you are in a restroom signed "family." Facilitates cleanup, too.
Now you say something