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So there I am at the check-in desk at the Econo Lodge Motel on Southwest Thirteenth Street in Gainesville, Florida.
Standing to my right is Andrea.
She's wearing some punk buttons, one of which reads "Orgasm Addict."
I explain to the desk clerk that I am Dee Dee Ramone and this is my wife, Sheena. Finally, after swearing we are married, we get the key to a hotel room.
As we enter the room and feel the cool air, Andrea starts taking off her clothes. I realize that this is really it.
I'm going to become a man.
Pop my cherry.
Lose my virginity.
Whatever.
And I'm so scared it feels like the Cold War is going on inside my intestines.
As Andrea takes off her remaining items of clothing, a black leather bra and leopard print underwear, she gently slips in-between the covers and tells me to do the same.
I start undressing in front of her, feeling very shy. When I get down to my underwear, I slide next to her between the sheets.
"You have done this before?" Andrea asks me once again.
I assure her I have, and then she starts to kiss and rub me on all the parts of my body I didn't even know I had.
As I climb on top of her, like I've seen people do in the movies, she tells me to do it.
"Fuck me," she says gently.
And it's then, with my penis ripping a hole through my underwear, I tell her the truth.
I don't know what to do," I say.
She gently tells me she figures as much, and informs me that the first thing I have to do is remove my underwear.
After I do, she gently guides my penis into her vagina.
As we make love, Andrea moans in what I can only assume to be ecstasy, over and over again.
I slide my penis in and out of her, fast at times, then slow.
This goes on for at least an hour, and soon I begin to get the gist of things. When she begins to moan harder I go
When she gently sighs, I go slow. |
faster.
When she gently sighs, I go slow.
And the whole time I'm doing this, there's no way in hell I'm going to climax.
The next day and night are spent the same way.
Having sex.
When my penis isn't inside her vagina, I find my mouth near her crotch, and her mouth near mine.
While it's very exciting, and my heart races at speeds I never knew existed, I still can't climax and begin to wonder why.
As I make my way in and out of Andrea's vagina, I begin to think of that dream I had in Daytona Beach.
The one where I was riding on a surfboard in a lake of fire.
And somehow, this felt the same.
While warm wet feelings washed over my entire body, it felt good but wrong.
Beneath me was this beautiful woman, who was not screaming while being burned by the flames of Hades, but moaning in pleasure.
And, yet, it just didn't feel right.
As I found myself surfing armageddon that day in room thirty-one of the Econo Lodge, I realized there was a lot more to life then just getting between a woman's legs, which, somehow, felt oddly familiar.
There were other things.
Love.
Passion.
Romance.
And most of all, a feeling of connection.
Our lovemaking ended on Sunday, after a few more hours of going at it. While I was never able to climax, I told Andrea I had every time she asked me if I did.
"You are the most amazing lover I have ever had," she tells me as her pretty green eyes look into mine.
"I think we've done it like ten hours over this weekend," she explains.
If my penis doesn't explode, I will. |
The sides of my penis feel like it, but I don't tell her as much.
As she gets dressed in front of me for the last time, she tells me she thinks she's in love with me and to look her up in Tallahassee when I get there for the summer.
I tell her I will.
Later that night, I find myself masturbating furiously on my dorm bed as I'm alone in the room.
By this time I'm in total pain, and if my penis doesn't explode, I will.
I think of Andrea, her vagina, her firm breasts, and round ass.
But nothing happens.
I then begin to think about Gwen Stacey from that Spider-Man book all those years ago, and then the next thing I know my semen is splatting against the ceiling.
Suddenly I hear a key in my door turn and then Jim walks in.
I notice the swelling on his jaw doesn't look as bad as I thought it would, as I quickly zip up my pants without him seeing.
"So how was it, Jew?" he asks, as he sits on my bed beside me.
I tell him all about it, as I wait for my sperm, which is forming into the shape of a water drop against the ceiling, to splash down upon his head. n°
| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: |
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George Tabb grew up as one of the few Jews in Greenwich, CT, which became
the subject of this first memoir, Playing Right Field: A Jew Grows in
Greenwich. He writes for the New York Press and
Maximumrocknroll, among other publications. He's recently divorced
and now lives in the New York City area with his Yorkshire Terrorist and
best friend, Scooter. Visit his website at www.georgetabb.com. |
© 2006 George Tabb & Nerve.com
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