Creepiosity

A hilarious guide to the unintentionally creepy.

The Blowy Guy in Front of the Mattress Store or Car Dealership

A few years ago, someone got the bright idea to put an air-powered flailing stick man in front of businesses to attract attention. Besides the fact that this creature looks like a tortured spirit just released from the Lost Ark, let's think more practically: has one person ever, in the history of these things, driven by and seen on and said, "I had no interest in or need for a car, but after seeing that freakish monstrosity — hell, I'm gonna stop in and buy me the most tricked-out Kia they make!"

From the book Creepiosity by David Bickel. Excerpted by arrangement with Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, an Andrews McMeel Universal company. Copyright © 2010

"Stab me. Please."

Commentarium (35 Comments)

Jun 15 10 - 12:14am
agentsee

Aww. I was missing my grandma something fierce today. The candy post made me smile. She always had those out on her table.

Jun 15 10 - 12:34am
anon

Missing my grandma as well. Old-Tyme porn made me smile. She always had a thing for the Victrola.

Jun 15 10 - 12:56am
B

My girlfriend and I were laughing so hard we were crying when we read the Grandma candy one.

Jun 15 10 - 1:38am
Neill

Also creepy: calling your grandma "Ya Ya".

Jun 15 10 - 7:49am
Matt

I've got to agree about the beard-without-'stache thing. Unless you're Amish, but if you are you'll probably never read this anyway.

Jun 15 10 - 10:05am
Dennisthemenace

Many of these are spot on, but old-timey stag films = amazing! Ok, maybe they're not hot, but they're great to play in the background at dance parties.

Jun 15 10 - 10:07am
Meh

Necco wafers always remind me of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, so whenever I read those words, I hear them in a fake German accent.

Jun 15 10 - 10:23am
MissHayden

Half person/half animal - that's just Apple's way of removing tiny, cartoon penises from iPad comics.

Jun 15 10 - 4:39pm
JJL

Those sesame crunches are fucking good.

Jun 15 10 - 4:41pm
JJL

Old time porn can be hot, too. I'm not liking the new, less tolerant, sex negative, judgemental Nerve.

Jun 15 10 - 4:51pm
Ivan

That last photo is of Tito, the dictator of the old communist Yugoslavia, the country of my birth and childhood. I am laughing my ass off! Excellent!

Jun 15 10 - 5:29pm
@jjl

pretty sure that old-time porn bit is (like the rest of this feature) a joke. i kind of doubt nerve's taking an ideological stand against bee beards and fish with people faces.

Jun 15 10 - 5:59pm
Lemon

seriously, nerve. i'm sick of your unrepentant hatred for people who wear bees instead of bibs. it's so bee negative.

Jun 15 10 - 11:48pm
chinstrap

The chinstrap beard is so terrible on every level. So is the goatee. So is any manicured hair facial hair.

Jun 16 10 - 12:13am
S.S.

@Neill, "Ya Ya" is the term by which Greeks refer to their grandmas. I can see how if you didn't grow up with it it's creepy (my ex is Greek and the first time I heard him refer to his Grandma that way I found it odd) but it's not abnormal if you're from a Greek hood.

Jun 16 10 - 6:49pm
lala

man bear pig. half man... half bear.... half pig.

Jun 16 10 - 6:50pm
Sarah

Old men with a hand in their pocket.
seeing someones dentures not in their mouth.

Jun 16 10 - 7:24pm
Dan

"Beard without mustache, on the other hand? Tough to look at. So please, C. Everett Koop, Gorton's Fisherman, and the guy who sells Christmas trees out of the Vons parking lot on Reseda Boulevard in Los Angeles — add the 'stache or lose the beard."

I agree with the sentiment, but I regret to inform you that the Gorton's fisherman DOES have a mustache. Fact check, people!

Jun 16 10 - 9:04pm
Marie

The Gorton's fisherman most definitely has a 'stache!! blasphemy.

Jun 17 10 - 12:32am
mario

ribbon candy.

Jun 17 10 - 3:38am
Anca

Talking about creepiness... I sent the link to my friend in Tokyo, but she can't open it because of some bizarre filter saying: it's adult content!! You guys, did you know you are forbidden in Japan? Meanwhile, her neighbor is watching internet pron all day long without any restrictions.

Jun 17 10 - 12:36pm
Tina

Šta radi Tito u fijakeru? Gdje je Jovanka?

Jun 17 10 - 1:13pm
Namennayo

Amusing read, but the sesame candy was unfairly implicated. It has no business being lumped in with the suicidal swine and the gyrating tube beasts.

Jun 17 10 - 1:20pm
ugh...

As funny as a suffering child dying of cancer. Seriously, a whole book of this? I quit after the third page. This writer wouldn't know a joke if it performed root canal surgery on him without anesthesia.
Here's what I find creepy. Unfunny observations about minor variations in everyday behavior. Hey writer, you're right. Everyone else is weird, not you. But the law still says you have to inform your neighbors when you move into a new neighborhood.

Jun 17 10 - 10:20pm
judge-o-meter

laaaaaame!!!!!!!!!

Jun 18 10 - 10:29pm
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Jun 18 10 - 10:39pm
vinylhaven

my husband and i also laughed so hard about grandma candy. ain't it the truth. and try getting the lid off the candy dish, without making noise, only to go to eat one and it takes like crap! oh the memories. thanks.

Jun 18 10 - 11:56pm
M.

You see that grandma candy wrapped in orange-and-green cellophane? That's my favorite kind of candy...strawberry flavored shell, a delicious strawberry filling in the middle...I'm going to buy some right now.

Jun 19 10 - 2:56pm
Lyena

ROFL! Choked on coffee reading the picture commentary. A person should not be allowed to have so much fun this early in the morning. Hilarious!

Jun 22 10 - 1:55pm
IMW

Half shark/alligator, half man...(half man, half shark)

Jun 22 10 - 6:14pm
Kushin

I like the whole beard without a mustache. A guy can keep his facial hair, and it won't tickle when he kisses me up here or down there.

Jun 23 10 - 11:31pm
manfish

Please, I need to know what the heck that fish is called!! I've become obsessed!
Not a blobfish?

Jun 25 10 - 8:23pm
halvsies

Double-creepy: Bee beard with no stache.

Jun 28 10 - 11:54am
tron3000

Yea! That last photo is of Tito and Eleanor Roosevelt playing the "Ya-Ya"....

Nice Selection. You incorporate Creeposity with Creepy Trivia!

Jun 28 10 - 11:55am
tron3000

Yea! That last photo features Tito with Eleanor Roosevelt playing the part of the "Ya-Ya"....

Neat idea. Incorporating Creeposity with Trivia!