Granted, it’s been a pretty scary fall, even without all the Britney Spears costumes. But that’s all the more reason to turn the sexiest holiday of the year Halloween into a bash. Below, fifteen laws to keep in mind if you want your October 31st to end with a scream (the kind your neighbors will envy).
Cleavage is not a costume. Neither is a leotard.
Bare-ass nudity, however, counts.
If you dress in BDSM gear, be prepared to act the part. In contrast, just
because someone is dressed as a cheap crack whore, do not assume they want
to be treated as such.
Bobbing for apples without using your teeth is good practice for oral
Wearing a werewolf mask and nothing else while growling during sex is
good-scary; wearing an old-lady mask and nothing else while talking like
your grandma during sex is bad-scary.
If you have sex for the first time with someone while in costume, the
outfits you are wearing may permanently determine your future relationship.
Consider this before you hook-up with Michael Jackson while dressed as
All men are required to dress in drag for Halloween at least once. Except
for actual drag queens, for whom Halloween should be a casual day.
If you want to get laid, do not dress as Howdy Doodie, Nancy Reagan or
If you throw an Eyes Wide Shut costume ball, expect the only people who
show up to be wrinkly old men draped in cloaks.
Mischief Night (a.k.a. Goosey Night) is as good a time as any to try
The sexier her costume, the more likely she is to dress like a
pencil case the rest of the year.
A man in a suit dressed as a man in a suit (say, a lawyer dressed as a
banker) is barred from receiving oral sex for a period of two years.
Borrowing your friends’ newborn so you can attend a Halloween party as a
“new Dad,” thereby attracting more female attention, sounds like a better
idea than it actually is.
If you’re going to take candy from strangers, make sure it’s wrapped.
Sorry folks, he’s not really a fireman.