From The Quotable Douchebag compiled by Margaret McGuire © 2009 Quirk Productions, Inc. Used with permission.

Commentarium (61 Comments)

Sep 09 09 - 12:48am

I really loved the one about Van Damme's cream-filled hard seed. I gotta stand up for Pete Wentz. His quote shows self aware douchiness, which is ok in my book.

Sep 08 09 - 3:28pm

I think that the Reagan quote is taken way out of context.

Sep 08 09 - 3:55pm

This actually make me like pete wentz more...

Sep 08 09 - 4:43pm

Mostly agree, but the Canada quote is awesome. Sorry.

Sep 08 09 - 5:29pm

Still hate Pete Wentz but at least he knows he's a douche, the Van Damme quote was hilarious.

Sep 08 09 - 5:30pm

this is great : )

Sep 08 09 - 5:39pm

oh the HOFF

Sep 08 09 - 6:04pm

The first one and last one are clearly out of place, since they're self-aware and busting on themselves. The rest are classic.

Sep 08 09 - 7:03pm

re the tucker carlson quote: pretty sure most people up here are used to these sorts of comments by now.

Sep 08 09 - 7:33pm

Someone needs to look up "tongue-in-cheek". Not all of these quotes are serious.

Sep 08 09 - 8:37pm

Saying "Gene Simmons, Israeli-American rockstar" instead of "Gene Simmons, Kiss" is pretty douchey, Margaret. Can a woman be a douchebag? I would like this addressed by a panel of experts.

Sep 09 09 - 11:55am

I don't know how many of of these are out of context, but considering Schwartzenager has given his full support to marriage equality, these are all cast in doubt.

Sep 10 09 - 12:28am

i think the schwartzeneggar quote was something he SAID, but it was a mis-statement. he was answering a bunch of questions in a row... questions are hard!

Sep 09 09 - 2:19pm

oh rush limbaugh, when will you ever learn?

Sep 09 09 - 5:44pm

Rush will never learn. NEVER!

Sep 10 09 - 12:00pm

Don't be so quick to laugh off the Reagan line; I bet most of us do ball up Latin America into one stereotype.

Sep 10 09 - 2:03am

The cheap shots mixed in with the deservedly douchey contaminate the whole stew. Wake up, Marge!

Sep 10 09 - 3:53am

The Jews need Heraldo Rivera like they need another settlement in the West Bank.

Sep 11 09 - 12:23am

Warren Beatty..... ok, that was funny. And i'd prefer a nice looking 40 yr old........
But that eejit re inbreeding and championship horses had me chuckling out loud.

Sep 10 09 - 7:16pm

oh the HUB - reincarnated as R. Kelly, to take a walk on the African-American wild side. Child-exploiter!

Sep 11 09 - 2:28pm

Tucker's line about Canada is funny, not douche-- and kinda true. And Warren Beatty's is just a plain joke and a riff on his womanizing-- he doesn't believe that shyte.

Sep 12 09 - 7:39pm

Gay marriage is recognized right across Canada. While Americans like to go on about "freedom" and "equality for all," Canada quietly lives those ideals. I'm paraphrasing Dan Savage.

Sep 15 09 - 9:57am

This whole article seems skewed.

Sep 16 09 - 6:52pm

ok since a few of you think the canada quote is i have one for americans... "america is a stupid country, its like that inbred cousin that you see at family reunion and avoid because well for one their loud and crass and for another your mother always encouraged to keep a wide a distance in fear that some of their stupidity would rub off on you"

Sep 18 09 - 4:06pm

The Canada quote was definitely douchy, but you have to admit that is how a lot of other countries (stereotypically speaking, especially the US) see us Canadians. Offensive, but not anything new. :P

Sep 21 09 - 4:09pm

definitely need the year of the quote for full douche factor and self-awareness.

Sep 21 09 - 6:16pm

I liked the gene simmons quote, it wouldn't be funny if it weren't so true

Sep 21 09 - 8:40pm

To Defend JCVD, that was really tongue in cheek. He didn't care about what the reporter was asking him.

Sep 21 09 - 11:05pm

The Limbaugh quote is phony, has never been sourced. Christ I know this is a semi-obscure web site but do your homework, a modicum of journalist standards wouldn't hurt.

Sep 21 09 - 11:10pm

lol true. some american's are so ignorant sometimes. the majority of their counter terrorism intelligence is made up of Canadians, so much for being their "retarded cousins"

Sep 21 09 - 11:48pm

The Clayton Williams one is even more spectacular when you consider that he said it DURING the campaign! As I recall, he was up almost 20 points the day he said it, and toast right after (Last time Texas has gotten anything right politically)

Sep 22 09 - 5:34pm

some of these are not douchebaggish at all.... just reasonable opinions

Sep 22 09 - 7:08pm

A) JMH speaks true when he (I'm guessing) says 'saying Gene Simmons, Israeli-American rockstar" instead of "Gene Simmons, Kiss" is pretty douchey".
B) Gene Simmons was just speaking the truth.

Sep 23 09 - 10:32am

This page doesn't work on iPhones, fix please

Sep 24 09 - 3:05am

Yo Margaret, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but Kanye West had one of the best douchebag quotes of all time. One of the BEST DOUCHEBAG QUOTES OF ALL TIME!!

Sep 24 09 - 11:20am

So I see a whole lot of republican rips, 6 out of twenty? Yeah it's not like Pelosi or Kerry or Gore have ANY quotable humdingers like the cankle queen ""We are the President"-Hillary Clinton" Yeah that's right chicks can be douchebags!

Sep 24 09 - 2:31pm

Tucker Carlson is a douche bag and his little school boy taunts on Canada were lame. However, I'm sure his small audience probably found it hilarious, but ask them to point Canada out on a map and see what happens.
This coming from country were an estimated 44% of the population believed God created Earth 10000 years ago, where death panels somehow became synonymous with universal health care,where the death penalty is somehow viewed as a deterrent, and the new film on Darwin is having a hard time finding a distributor in the US.
Last time I looked the Darwin film had no problems finding distributors in the Great White North.
Check out John Stewart's verbally bitch slapping Carlson as a fake on Crossfire and you'll get a better idea how shallow and vapid this 'man' really is.
I'll close by quoting the late, great George Carlin, who may have been thinking of Tucker Carlson when he said "F**k Tucker, Tucker sucks".

Sep 25 09 - 6:40am

This is freaking FANTASTIC! I want MORE! we need a "Quotable Douchebag" BOOK! I will buy it! Incredible!

Sep 25 09 - 3:18pm

Hey, Ms McGuire, it looks like kgc and PL have earned themselves a spot in your follow-up book 'Douchiest Posts Ever'.

Sep 27 09 - 5:27pm

I've been to Canada. Beautiful country. Nice people. Canadians are patriotic without the nationalistic fervor that is part of American "patriotism." They don't think they're better than every other country on the globe. Canada doesn't act like the schoolyard bully of the world. If anyone is "retarded", it's Tucker Carlson and his kind.

Sep 27 09 - 5:28pm

TW is 100% correct. Carlson and his audience couldn't find Canada on a map. They probably believe the entire country speaks French.

Sep 30 09 - 1:05am

tmc - not everyone in Canada speaks French, just the douchebags

Oct 06 09 - 6:43pm

My favorite d-bag quote as "all Fox news anchors are douchebags" that Marg McGuire can sure be a douchebag- fun book though

Oct 25 09 - 6:54pm

The word douchebag was stolen for use by the intelligentsia, oh, about a year or two ago they started using it. Now it's in every blog, every sentence of every blog, every second e-mail. I wonder when the geeks will tire of it and pick another word to beat to death. What they're secretly using it for, of course, is as a weapon in class warfare, hurling stones at people they perceive as beneath them. You people would be very lame at a party, complete soul-sucking, back-stabbing idiots with your carefully arranged hair and wardrobe. That is all.

Nov 23 09 - 10:17pm

I am Canadian and have to admit, the French are often the douche-ee-ist

Dec 04 09 - 9:16pm

In the Ronald Regan quote, when it says "I went down to [Latin America] to find out from them..." they used the word 'to' twice. Take out the words '[Latin America]' and you will see what I mean.

Dec 09 09 - 7:08pm

Carlson is the douchiest of them all after Limbaugh.

Dec 09 09 - 8:00pm

As much as I HATE rush, that quotation was made up by a leftist author and circulated around the media... There is no evidence at all that he said anything close to that statement.

Dec 21 09 - 6:41pm

awww poor pete

Jan 25 10 - 8:02pm

There were so many good ones its hard to pick a favorite. well R.Kelly's was funny, 'Only Bin Laden knows exactly what I'm going through right now'

Jan 25 10 - 8:03pm

oh and Clayton Williams' was good or bad depending on how you look at it

Jan 28 10 - 5:05pm

Some were more funny then Douchy, could have had a another page worth of George W's.

Feb 12 10 - 1:55pm

The Rush Limbaugh quote has been thoroughly debunked, he never said that. Regardless of whether you like him or not, you shouldn't go around libeling him. Um, wait, that makes you the d-bag! :)

Feb 22 10 - 1:08pm

lol america has the stupidest people in their country, just hear how they talk. Im not even canadian

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