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Conjugal

A man is bending his wife. He is bending her around something that she has bent herself around. She is around it, bent as he has bent her. 

He is convincing her. It is all so private. 

He is bending her around the bedpost. No, he is bending her around the tripod of his camera. It is as if he teaches her to swim. As if he teaches acrobatics. As if he could form her into something wet that he delivers out of one life into another. 

And it is such a private thing the thing they do. 

He is forming her into the wallpaper. He is smoothing her down into the flowers there. He is finding her nipples there. And he is kissing her pubis there. He climbs into the wallpaper among the flowers. And his buttocks move in and out of the wall.

V0018459 Still life of roses and fruit with concealed erotic scenes. Credit: Wellcome Library, London. Wellcome Images images@wellcome.ac.uk http://wellcomeimages.org Still life of roses and fruit with concealed erotic scenes. Oil painting by Sommonte. 19th Century By: SommontePublished: - Copyrighted work available under Creative Commons Attribution only licence CC BY 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Geography

A young scholar is hired to tutor the daughters of Mr. and Mrs. Father and Mother. But somehow his hands are always up under their dresses and down into their underpants. 

Mr. Father says, I wish you wouldn’t do that.  

Do what, Mr. Father?

Put your hands in my daughters’ underpants and touch their genitalia.

But one day while teaching geography he had undressed one of Mr. Father’s daughters and was cupping her mons veneris with one hand, and one of her small breasts with his other hand.

When Mr. Father looked in he said, I thought I mentioned something about your not touching my daughters’ genitals and secondary sexual characteristics.

 Oh, that, said the tutor, I was just showing the girls how the science of geography began.

But what has my daughters’ genitals and secondary sexual characteristics to do with geography? said Mr. Father.

Geography begins at anatomy, said the tutor, I was showing the girls how the urge to explore was first awakened by the female form. Ergo, the female figure being the model and inspiration for the first explorers.

The reason why the world is called Mother Earth. Then, of course came the pornographers who, as it turns out, were the first cartographers.

Forgive me, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything so intimate as geography. I should really wear a bell, said father, but they’re so noisy and, as you know, Mrs. Mother likes to sleep late.

Meanwhile, the tutor had undressed Mr. Father’s other daughter and was kissing her just under the ear . . .

This was originally published on November, 2, 2000.