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Dating Advice from . . . Baristas

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Lauren, 26



If you ask someone out for coffee, is it the same as asking them out for a beer? More serious, or less serious?

It’s more intellectual and professional to ask someone out for coffee, but less romantically serious.

Tea drinkers vs. coffee drinkers vs. energy-drink drinkers, what are they like in bed?

Tea drinkers are more conservative, more egalitarian, or. . . it’s a mean thing to say, but maybe they’re just more vanilla. Coffee people are going to be more nervous and high-strung. Energy-drink people, who knows?

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If I sleep over at someone’s house, like a one-night stand, and I have five minutes in their bathroom, is it okay for me to use their hair products?

Oh, yeah, totally. Why not? It’s a fun little experimentation with someone else’s habits.




I’ve been with my boyfriend six years and marriage is probably coming up, but before I get married I want to have one last fling — with a girl. Should I tell my fiance?


I think you have to tell him. It could bring you closer together to share that side of yourself.

What fetish is the most overrated?

Feet. I’ve never experienced the foot thing, but people seem to talk about it a lot.


I’m in love with my best friend, but she’s engaged to the biggest douchebag on the planet. I’ve told her how I feel but she’s not convinced. I know they’re wrong for each other. What can I do?

You can’t do anything. Your friends get pissy if you start talking about how you don’t like their men. You can say something, but you can’t keep saying things, because that’s going to hurt your friendship. But don’t forget her. Be there for her. She’ll figure it out.

Zimmy, 21




I sleep over at someone’s house and in the morning my hair’s all screwed up. I’ve got five minutes in their bathroom — is it cool to use their stuff to straighten my look?


I always look in the medicine cabinet and see what drugs are in there. I wouldn’t use someone’s hair products, because they just mimic what not washing your hair does anyway.



You see people at their most vulnerable all the time: in the morning, before their coffee. What do you want first thing in the morning from your bedmate?

I see so many hangovers. I want orange juice in the morning. A blowjob maybe. In that order.

If you ask someone out for coffee, is that the same as asking them out for drinks?

Coffee is much more casual, and not really very romantic. You’re not going to get drunk in a coffee bar and go home and have a one-night stand, but that could easily happen in a bar bar.

What fetish is overrated?

Food fetishes. They’re kind of gross, I think.


What erogenous zone is underrated?


I think it’s a tie between the back of the neck and the back of the ears, strangely enough.



I’ve never tried bondage, but I’m curious. Any tips?

Safe words. Sometimes you’re into something and then suddenly you’re not! It’s good to feel safe.

     

  

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Oscar, 30

If you ask someone out for coffee, is that the same as asking them out for drinks?

It’s the same. I see it a lot here. Coffee dates can mean a lot.

Do good cappuccino-foaming skills translate into good bedroom skills?

I guess you have to equate skill with attentiveness in either case. Attention to detail, someone who cares. So I think the skills do translate.

Coffee and cigarettes: a match made in heaven. Smokers and non-smokers: not as good. What tips do you have for smokers dating non-smokers and vice versa?

Oh, I have a lot of experience with this because I’m a smoker. I keep a lot of Binaca and gum around me at all times. It’s totally on the smoker to make himself appealing and attractive. If I’m with somebody that minds, I just won’t smoke, or I’ll chew gum, or do whatever to not smell like cigarettes. It’s my responsibility to her.

I sleep over at someone’s house and in the morning my hair’s all screwed up. I’ve got five minutes in their bathroom — is it cool to use their stuff to straighten my look?

Oh, that should be cool. I hope that’s cool. I’ve done that.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years, and marriage is looming large. Before I get married I’d like to have one last fling though — with a girl. How should I break this to him?

I think the girl’s partner would be open to discussing it. He might want to watch. For whatever reason, it’s much easier for girls to get away with stuff like that. I would discuss it with him first. Probably everything will be fine. If he’s not open to it, she should cheat. It’s still open season, and she can settle down once she’s married.

Do tattoos mean someone’s better in bed?

I can speak from experience and say yes. Definitely.

Maura, 24

www.okayish.com

I have the biggest crush on the guy who pours my coffee in the morning. How can I get his attention?

If you just talk to him, he’ll talk to you. If he’s a barista, chances are he’s on the bored side, or the grumpy side. Smile and say hi.

I sleep over at someone’s house and in the morning my hair’s all screwed up. I’ve got five minutes in their bathroom — is it cool to use their stuff to straighten my look?

Absolutely. If you’ve used their bed, you can use their hair products.

Would you rather live in a world without coffee or a world without sex?

Can I choose neither? Both of those scenarios are terrible.

If you ask someone out for coffee, is that the same as asking them out for drinks?

Coffee’s a much more serious date, because that person is planning on having a real conversation with you, without the veil of alcohol. They want to see the real you.

The smell of coffee turns me on. What smells turn you on?

I agree that the smell of coffee is a turn-on. But I really couldn’t say what other smells are a turn-on because I smell like coffee all the time. It permeates everything.

I’m in love with my best friend, but she’s engaged to the biggest douchebag on the planet. I’ve told her how I feel but she’s not convinced. I know they’re wrong for each other. What can I do?

That’s great! I used to be in that situation. I was the girlfriend, and now I’m dating my best friend. It worked out for the better because my best friend, who’s now my boyfriend, didn’t give up. But it was a year of hell in between. I definitely say go with the better person, and the better person is probably already your best friend. They know you better, treat you better. I had to listen in the end. So, don’t give up, that’s what I say to him. And to her I say choose the better person.

Interviews by Marian Lorraine. Dating
Advice From… appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general
public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

  

     

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©2009 Nerve.com, Inc.