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Dating Advice From . . . Classics Majors

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Bekah, 27

What has being a Classics major taught you about dating?
That sex is no big deal and we have too many hang-ups about it in today’s society. It shouldn’t be so taboo, because it’s lots of fun!

What’s the best way to pick up a Classics major?
Guys: tell the ladies you have been blessed by Priapus.
Girls: tell the guys you’re horny.

Who’s a good ancient role model when it comes to dating?
Ovid. He wrote a whole poem on how to pick up chicks. Although some of his moves are a little creepy, at least he has suggestions on what to do while watching gladiators. Hint: pretend her skirt is dirty, bend down to pick it up, then take a peak at her goods. If she doesn’t slap you, you’re in.

What’s a good Classics date movie?

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Troy. I know, I know. . . Classicists all over the world just shuddered, but I have my reasons for this. Despite its faults as a "Classics" movie, it has everything: sex, violence, love and beautiful people. Plus a Brad Pitt threesome — can’t beat that!

The girl I’ve been seeing is a lot of fun, but our nights out are always hectic and exhausting. How do I convince her that a quiet night in would be nice?
Suggest it in an appealing manner.
Maybe offer her a romantic evening for two where you don’t have to focus on anything but each other. Promises of mind-blowing sex are never a bad idea either.

My boyfriend never opens his eyes when we have sex. Should I be worried about that or am I just being paranoid?
I’m sorry, but that’s just weird. You should probably be worried. Chances are, if he’s not looking at you, he’s picturing something or someone else. Most guys are very visual beings and love looking at naked girls, especially during sex. You could try asking him about and see what he says, but he’ll probably lie.

About a year after breaking up with an ex, I started dating his brother. What’s the best way to break the news to him?
Jump in your time machine and go back to the time before you crossed that line of what is appropriate ex behavior. If I had a sister, I would claw her eyes out for dating an ex of mine.

Erica, 22

What has being a Classics major taught you about dating?
That nerds can be sexy too.

What’s the best way to pick up a Classics major?
"Is that a scroll under your toga or are you just happy to see me?"

What’s a good Classics date movie?
Most classics movies are pretty gory, and I hate to say this because it’s not a particularly good movie, but Troy — it has action and blood for a guy and romance for a girl.

My male friend wants me to set him up with a girlfriend of mine. I want to help him out, but the truth is, I want to date him. What should I do?
Tell the guy you have a better girl in mind — you. And then take your top off. That always helps.

I want to try some light bondage with my girlfriend, but I’m worried that doing so is somehow misogynistic. What should I do to get over this problem?
Talk to your girlfriend, obviously. If she’s into light bondage and you’re into light bondage, then it’s all good. If not, then you have to get over the problem by forgetting about the bondage.

The girl I like is really into hiking and rock climbing, but I’m more of an inside guy. Should I try and bone up on my belay skills to impress her, or will I just seem too desperate?
Trying out activities that your crush likes is always a plus because it shows you value that other person’s passions. That said, all you really have to do is show that you’re interested in doing things with her, not that you’re a pro at activities that clearly aren’t your style.

     

  

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Susie, 21

What has being a Classics major taught you about dating?
That talking about Classics is only sometimes impressive and mostly comes off as pretentious and snotty. So, generally, as they say in Fight Club, "First rule of being a Classics major. . . don’t talk about being a Classics major."

Who’s a good ancient role model when it comes to dating?
Ha! Best advice I got is to not look at the Classical world for dating advice.

My male friend wants me to set him up with a girlfriend of mine. I want to help him out, but the truth is, I want to date him. What should I do?
Tell him you’re not comfortable in setting anyone up. If he really wants to get with her, he can take care of it himself. In the meantime, keep being a good friend. . . and possibly try telling him how you feel? Ew, I know.

The girl I’ve been seeing is a lot of fun, but our nights out are always hectic and exhausting. How do I convince her that a quiet night in would be nice?
Make a great dinner, pick out your favorite movie, and also look up great cocktail recipes. She’ll feel better about things if she’s a little tipsy. Not that you’re not fantastically exciting.

My boyfriend never opens his eyes when we have sex. Should I be worried about that or am I just being paranoid?

Just talk to him about it. It’s probably got nothing to do with you, but I’m sure he would want to know if it is genuinely worrying you.

If I wanted to get a bit of action with my girlfriend in the back row of a movie theater, what’s the best movie for us?
A bad movie that no one wants to see, especially you. But maybe you’re into that whole screwing in public thing, in which case any damn movie will do.

Alex, 22

What has being a Classics major taught you about dating?
Probably that some people are meant to be together. There’s a story in the Theogony about it. Pretty touching, romantic stuff. Oh, and that women are evil and to be careful of their tricks.

What’s the best reason to date a Classics major?
Here’s the cheesy reason: they know how to use a Trojan.
Here’s the real reason: we know how to bang.

Who’s a good ancient role model when it comes to dating?
Alexander the Great. Conquest, conquest, conquest. Anyone with "great" in their name is a good role model.

What’s a good Classics date movie?
Gladiator actually wasn’t too bad. It’s got a little bit of everything that makes the movie good for anyone. If it gets a little gory or uncomfortable for her, she can always snuggle up.

My boyfriend never opens his eyes when we have sex. Should I be worried about that or am I just being paranoid?
Yeah, I would be worried. I only keep my eyes closed with girls that I really don’t want to look at. What’s he imagining? Because it’s not you. Something is wrong there.

The girl I like is really into hiking and rock climbing, but I’m more of an inside guy. Should I try and bone up on my belay skills to impress her, or will I just seem too desperate?
Just let her know you have never done it before and try your best. If all else fails, it can be something she teaches you. Then do something with her that you are way better at.

Interviews by James Ryan. Dating
Advice From… appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general
public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

  

     

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©2008 Nerve.com, Inc.