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Dating Advice from . . . Costume Makers

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James Vogel, 36




I want to spice things up in the bedroom by doing some roleplaying. What should I try?

I’m into costumes. . . Good cop, bad cop. I love a woman in uniform. When a woman’s in a police officer’s outfit and is willing to push me on something, I can’t find the bed fast enough.

What makes costume makers a better lay than designers or seamstresses?

Costume makers aren’t so worried about what’s "hip" and "modern." And it’s kind of cool to be something else for a night.



This girl I’ve been sleeping with hasn’t been smelling too fresh down under. How do I tell her she stinks without embarrassing her?

As long as you keep coconut oil around, you’ll never have to deal with this problem. Coconut kills all bacteria and it isn’t harmful to the skin down there, so use that.

What’s appropriate in terms of kissing someone after going down on them?

If you’re going to be kissing the same person you just went down on, I say you can go kiss them in the same breath. If it’s going to be another person, you want to at least wash your face.

My girlfriend is a costume maker and I want to impress her by looking original. Any ideas?

Stay away from wings, anything with glitter and fake eyelashes. Get creative in other ways. Oh — and spandex, stay away from spandex. You can be original and still use those things, but they’ve been used so many times.

Tara McManus, 26

www.thirdearthdesigns.com

I want to spice things up in the bedroom by doing some roleplaying. What should I try?

I love the dress-up aspect. Dress-up is always a really fun way to not be cheesy about getting into a role.

How do I look sexy after I’ve thrown up unexpectedly from gagging on this guy’s penis while giving head?

You probably would want to put more foundation or blush on because you’ve probably turned green. And chew on a breath mint because that’s a really bad combination of tastes in your mouth.

I handcuffed my boyfriend to the bed, gave him a wild ride. . . and lost the keys. What do I do?

Any good costume maker would have wirecutters. And that’s sexy because you get to use tools and that gets into another scenario.

I’m going on a date tonight and I really want to get laid. What should I wear to guarantee this?


You don’t want to dress desperate. I think even guys are turned off by that. Some girls go out and are like, "I’m on the prowl, so I have to look this way." Then the whole night they have these costume flaws. They’re popping out the top and the bottom and it just doesn’t look like they’re in their own skin. That would be what not to do.

My guy keeps falling asleep while I’m pleasuring him. Should I say something?

You should say something if it happens once! You should slap him across the face!


     

  

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Christopher Hardwick

www.electricbubble.org

It’s my boyfriend’s birthday this weekend and I want to surprise him and show up in an outrageous, sexy outfit that will blow his mind. Any suggestions?

Yes, I’d probably pick my lederhosen because they’re the shortest shorts I have. Everyone likes a good little European boy scout.

What are some costume-making techniques that can be applied to sex?


Pieces of stray fabric are good for everything. You could make a little cock ring or you could make a little g-string or a little bikini top or a gag. Never throw out your loose ends.

How do I look sexy after I’ve thrown up unexpectedly from gagging on this guy’s penis while giving head?


Look at him with adoring eyes and say, "You bring my inner glow out." Say that and turn it into a romantic moment. You have to switch gears.



I handcuffed my boyfriend to the bed, gave him a wild ride. . . and lost the keys. What do I do?

I’d move the TV in front of the bed and say, "HBO or Showtime?" This actually happened to me, sort of. His hands were cuffed behind his back, so we had to put coats over his hands and go get the keys from the friend who’d lent me the handcuffs.

My boyfriend has gotten clingy, and he got insulted when I told him I need my space. How do I calm him down?

I’d have a cardboard cutout of myself sent to his apartment and his place of work.

I’ve been in a dry spell for six months now and I’m going to burst. What can I do to make myself a hot item on the market?


My motto is, if you want to get noticed, get your picture in the press. So you have to do something scandalous and fantastic. Or lower your standards. And instead of being home at midnight, be home at two a.m.

Wheylan Dean-Ford, 32

www.wheylan.com

What’s appropriate in terms of kissing someone after going down on them?

I’ve had some girls who are like, "I’m not going to swallow unless you taste it." I usually just kiss them. It makes them realize that, you know, I’m empathetic. A little bit.

It’s my boyfriend’s birthday this weekend and I want to surprise him and show up in an outrageous, sexy outfit that will blow his mind. Any suggestions?


Wear a garter belt and suspenders with a little collar or diamond tie. Or something black and white with little crystals and little lace glovelets. That’s pretty cute.

What makes costume makers a better lay than designers or seamstresses?

Probably because they get around more. Most costume makers are gay men, so I’m kind of a strange entity. There are not many bi-curious, mostly heterosexual fashion designers out there. It’s kind of a strange phenomenon.

I’m going on a date tonight and I really want to get laid. What should I wear to guarantee this?

Little skirts are always sexy. They’re a pretty good indication that you want to get laid.

What can I wear to a fetish party that will make me stand out, but not look too cliché?


I think cliché is good. Black leather and strappy outfits are pretty sexy. Little garter belts and fishnets and big boots are good too. I would wear tight black leather pants, with a tiny little vest. It would be pretty sexy. And I’d bring a whip. You have to have a whip. The flogging is crucial.

Questions by Bianca Merbaum. Dating
Advice From… appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general
public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

  

     

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©2009 Nerve.com, Inc.