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Abbi, 26
www.curlycomedy.com/

The guy I'm dating always seems to call attention to us. Like, he'll randomly break into a song in a bar or try different accents at a restaurant to be funny. It's actually kind of embarrassing. What should I say to get him to stop without hurting his feelings?
"Do that again, and I'll stab you with a fork." He is obviously impervious to shame, so you don't have to worry about him taking it the wrong way. In fact, you might want to stab first and warn later.

I'm extremely competitive about everything. I know it annoys my boyfriend, but it's hard for me to stop turning things like making dinner or working out together into a sort of competition. Any suggestions?
Don't ever do the same thing again. My fiance and I are both comedians, and we avoid participating in the same contests so that we can remain fully supportive of the other. If your activities are a game, make them a cakewalk, where everybody wins. A competition means one of you has to be the loser. And who wants to date a loser?

My girlfriend's parents always send me presents. It's kind of nice, but weird. Anything I should do in return?
Invest in stationery. Thank-you notes are the poor man's lobster. You know... besides monk fish.

My boyfriend likes to talk dirty. I don't have anything against it, I just seem to have performance anxiety and have no idea what to say. How do I let go and go for it?
Just describe a daily activity in a really sultry tone. "I want to see a movie, but I don't want to wait in line!" If he asks what on earth you're talking about, shrug and tell him how long you've been waiting to see Doubt.

My coworker pal set me up with one of her guy friends. We went out, but we didn't click. I thought I let him down nicely, but now my coworker is being totally icy toward me. Is there any way to smooth things over?
Coworkers are supposed to be icy. You should work on crafting passive-aggressive Post-Its to leave in her cubicle.

The guy I'm dating wants me to meet his friends. Is it better to attend solo, or bring my own friends along?
This is your time to shine! Minnie Driver wouldn't have been half as charming in Good Will Hunting if Penelope Cruz had been shyly sipping a root beer next to her.

What's the best way to attract an improv comedian?
Show an interest in the performing arts and be genuine. Or tie fishing wire to a can of PBR.

Luke, 29
www.myspace.com/comedianluke

I haven't been on a date in more than a year, and I'm a little rusty. What's the best way to get over that?
Pick easy targets. Just like playing some twelve-year-olds in basketball, going after a bigger target will give you a little bit of confidence. If you try playing Michael Jordan your first game back, you'll only hate yourself for sucking so much. Get that confidence up with a few mole-people dates and move on. Be careful: Don't stay at this level for very long! Get the confidence up and move on!

I'm extremely competitive about everything. I know it annoys my boyfriend, but it's hard for me to stop turning things like making dinner or working out together into a sort of competition. Any suggestions?
If you want to really compete at something, arm-wrestle Sylvester Stallone. Otherwise, chill out. Not everything is a contest. You don't have to prove yourself in everything. Join a dodgeball league, or pool tournament. Compete with other competitive people at appropriate times.

I've always been told I'm too serious. I know I'll never be Mr. Funny Guy, but what's the best way to lighten up on a date?
Step one, remove stick from anus. Step two, just be you. Don't treat everything in the world as if it were taking place on PBS, but don't be fake either. Hang out with other serious people too. You have that in common with them. And even if you aren't with other serious people, find some lighthearted subject matter. Sports, a Jim Carrey movie or a childhood story — not about abuse — can be good topics.

I just started dating a guy who's a stand-up comic and an improviser. He says he doesn't want me to come to his shows because he'll get self-conscious, but I'm curious! Should I just surprise him?
That's a risk. It might depend on how long he's being doing it. It takes years of work to get really good at comedy. If he just started doing it recently, he might be worried that you'll see him suck. Everybody sucks at first. It's no big deal, but you might want to wait until he invites you to come.

If he's been doing it for a long time, and maybe is even successful, it might be okay to find out when he's playing next, and slip into the back and check out a show. But also be prepared, his stand-up might be about you! Don't go in with thin skin.

My boyfriend likes to talk dirty. I don't have anything against it, I just seem to have performance anxiety and have no idea what to say. How do I let go and go for it?
Use Yosemite Sam euphemisms. And shout them out loud! "Johnny, you better rackem frickidy frackem yo diddly dad mo tittily franny tam of a bridily brack!"

The guy I'm dating wants me to meet his friends. Is it better to attend solo, or bring my own friends along?
Go solo. This isn't West Side Story. You don't need your posse to go up against his.

Interviews by Anna Davies. Dating
Advice From... appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general
public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


  

     

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Commentarium (3 Comments)

Jan 31 09 - 10:35pm
tp

There seems to be a bit of a common thread to these questions:

--the over-competitive questioner who wants to know how to fit this into the dating scenario in a boyfriend-friendly way,

-- the over-performative and embarrassing boyfriend, and
-- the boyfriend who "talks dirty" and the questioner who is looking for tips on how to play along.

All three of these are softcore fetish situations. My response to the compulsive competer is, "does this get you hot?" If it doesn't and it's just a nervous tic, then confess to it and enroll the boyfriend in overcoming it. if it gets you hot, share TYHAT with BF, and let him in on the fun. Similarly, my question for the person who'sembarrassed by the loud BF: how does this make you feel? He's doing it for a reason. If he's already made the sale, technically, there are still good kinky reasons for what he's doing. It's POSSIBLE, though not likely, that he doesn't know why he has to embarrass a woman he's planning to fuck later on in the evening. And dirty talk? The big question there is, what's getting whom off? Is he just doing this for himself? In that case it won't matter what she says or doesn't say. A little moaning and groaning would be more than enough. If SHE's the one getting gooey, and he's just expanding a behavior that's produced results in the past, then she should maybe acknowledge this by telling him it gets her off. That would way more than do the trick.

Dec 23 11 - 1:07pm
John Powers

Dating a performer is not easy.
I'm a Standup Comic and I've been with Actresses, Models, Singers...
Basically, it usually comes down to insecurity.

Most people perform to try to show the world how great they are,
even though on the inside they don't feel that great at all...

Here's some advice my friend Kendra and I gave a girl dating a DJ:
http://thecomedypoint.com/2011/12/21/business/

- John
http://www.johnjpowers.com

Mar 05 12 - 3:48am
Cassie!

As I grew up, my mother told me to never date a comedian. I believed I would never have this chance anyways, so I kind of ignored it! I did ask y tho, and she said because he will never take u seriously. Well, I've recently met a wonderful, handsome, loving, cuddly, hilarious comedian. I enjoy every second of time we spend together, and I'm afraid to take it further.. He's great tho! He does improve, standup, and news cast funnies..idk what they r called I'm not very bright lol.. Just wish I knew if was serious about me. He's absolutely PERFECT <3