Dating Advice from Kayakers


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Emma, 22

Is it possible to fool around in a kayak?
Possible, definitely. Advisable? Yeah, if you can swim. You'll win at Never Have I Ever, too.

At the start of what I thought was a fling, I lied about my job. But now we've been dating for three months. How do I come clean?
Coming clean is overrated. You should continue to lie — say you got fired from the old job and have this great new job now.

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Honestly, this is the kind of lie where revealing it is not going to bring good things.

My ex dumped me after we had moved in together, and I still get some of his mail. Should I put the effort into getting it back to him, or can I just throw it out?
Well, this depends on if you believe in karma. If you believe in karma, I would give it back to him. If you were me, I would burn it and pour the alcohol I was drinking onto it as accelerant.

My fiancé and his friends are planning his bachelor party, and I'm a bit nervous about how wild it's going to be. Am I within my rights to ask him to keep it at a certain level, or should I give him his one night of fun?
Give him his one night of fun. If you have something to worry about with his bachelor party, you have something to worry about with your marriage altogether.

My girlfriend told me that she is considering getting a boob job, but I think she's more than great with what she has. How can I tell her that without seeming controlling?
Well, you're in a great position. It would be much worse to tell her she needs a boob job. Frankly it's great to tell a girl you like her just the way she is, so just compliment the shit out of her.

Sarah, 21

What has kayaking taught you about dating?
When kayaking, especially in a double kayak, it's incredibly important to be patient with your partner's faults and to be willing to adapt to each other. They're called "divorce boats" for a reason.

A few years ago I came out to all my friends as gay, but a few weeks ago I started seeing a girl. It shocked even me. How should I break the news to them so they'll take it seriously?
Explain what led you to consider dating a girl. Also, think of all the questions they might ask, and come up with the best answers you can. For instance, do you still consider yourself gay? Do you now identify as bisexual? Are you happy dating this girl? Don't worry too much — eventually, they'll come around.

My fiancé and his friends are planning his bachelor party, and I'm a bit nervous about how wild it's going to be. Am I within my rights to ask him to keep it at a certain level, or should I give him his one night of fun?
You don't want to come off as an annoying nag right before your wedding. I would identify two or three things that would really bother you if they found their way into his plans, then ask him to avoid those things. For instance, "Honey, I understand you want to have fun, but please don't sleep with any of the strippers," will probably go over much better than, "I'll kill you if you touch her boobs!"

I recently found out that an ex-girlfriend said that I was "too enthusiastic" during sex, and it's thrown me off my game. How do I get my confidence back?
If there's such a thing as being "too enthusiastic" in bed, I haven't encountered it. Do you know what specific thing it was that freaked her out? If not, ignore it. Whatever you do in the throes of ecstasy is your business, and I'm sure you'll find partners who appreciate it.

Sometimes during sex, my boyfriend starts spacing out and staring at nothing. How can I snap his attention back to where it should be?
It's almost certainly not a big deal — guys space out all the time. Try getting his attention subtly, by touching his face and kissing him, or changing position, or nibbling on his neck.

John, 35

My ex-boyfriend dumped me after we had moved in together, and I still get some of his mail. Should I put any effort into getting it back to him, or can I just throw it out?
You can throw it out. And feel free to pin any financial information to the bulletin board in your apartment building's lobby or your local laundromat.

What's the best way to pick up a kayaker?
"Anyone up for a good, hard paddle?"

Is it possible to fool around in a kayak?
It's possible but not advisable. While a tandem kayak is meant for two people, you'd be too far apart to do anything but tease.

Sometimes during sex, my boyfriend starts spacing out and staring at nothing. How can I snap his attention back to where it should be?
Bite down hard. If nothing else, it'll get his attention. Hell, maybe that's what he's been looking for all along.

My fiancé and his friends are planning his bachelor party, and I'm a bit nervous about how wild it's going to be. Am I within my rights to ask him to keep it at a certain level, or should I give him his one night of fun?
Give him one last night. You'll control him the rest of his life.

Emily, 22

My girlfriend recently broke her arm and is wearing a cast. How do we keep our sex life lively without injuring her all over again?
Keep her hands completely out of the way with handcuffs.

Sometimes during sex, my boyfriend starts spacing out and staring at nothing. How can I snap his attention back to where it should be?
He's obviously bored out of his skull, so switch it up!

My ex-boyfriend dumped me after we had moved in together, and I still get some of his mail. Should I put the effort into getting it back to him, or can I just throw it out like I want to?
Give back his junk mail, throw out his bills and personal letters. You want him to suffer.

What's the best reason to date a kayaker?
We know how to keep our balance in almost any position.

What has kayaking taught you about dating?
Once you find your rhythm, you can go all day.

Interviews by James Brady Ryan. Dating Advice From... appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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