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Dating Advice From . . . Painters

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Taylor, 23

What’s the best way to seduce a painter?

Don’t act freakishly interested in my art and over-compliment it to get in my pants. That would just make me feel really uncomfortable. Acting a little uninterested would probably intrigue me, and I might work for your attention.

What tends to guarantee a good old-fashioned romp in the hay?
Being gorgeous and cool.

This guy I really like is a voracious reader and I’m not. How can I bridge the gap?
If you are willing to work for the guy, make the effort to find what seems to be a good book. Then read it, to the best of your ability, and give the book to him and insist he would love it and that he must read it.

This guy I’m dating wants us to watch porn when we fool around. I’m uneasy about it, but also intrigued. Should I go for it?
Hell, yeah! But start off easy. Watch something that’s not too raunchy. You don’t want to scare yourself off with a bad introduction to porn. What a shame that would be!

My boss and I have a pretty intense attraction. I have this storage-closet fantasy. Should I go for it? I could lose my job if I’m misreading his signals.

I’d have to say no to that. Unless you think the guy is worth losing your job over, which maybe he is. If not, I would picture him pooping or doing something gross to cool that sexual tension.

Jason, 33
www.jasoncoates.com

What’s the best way to seduce a painter?

With a gift certificate.

This guy I really like is a voracious reader and I’m not. How can I bridge the gap?

Here’s what you do: only refer to books that have been made into movies that you’ve seen, and then complain about that.

What’s the best thing about dating a painter?

Free paintings.

I have a crush on the local bartender. How do I approach her?

Well, approaching her at the bar while she’s working would be horrendous. She’d probably just lump you in with the other drunks who hit on her on a nightly basis. Find another way.

     

  

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Lindsay, 24

www.lindsaymound.com

I’m thinking about proposing to my girlfriend. What are some key points to consider before popping the big question?

Where and when you ask her are arbitrary. My best friend’s husband proposed to her when she was in pajama shorts, brushing her teeth. What’s important is to consider is how ready she is to be wifey. You guys might be all in love, but where does she stand financially, emotionally, physically? A girl’s gotta feel pretty solid before she’s ready to merge lives with someone.

What’s the sexiest body part to paint?

I can interpret that question in two ways.
One, the sexiest body part to render through paint: the mouth. Mouths, even the most simple and slight, are so sexy. Go lips! Two, the sexiest body part to paint onto: I do a lot of painting on people for my art. I think the collarbone, on both a man and woman, is super-hot to paint.

This guy I really like is a voracious reader and I’m not. How can I bridge the gap?

Try reading collections of short stories and essays. As for staying contemporary, read my favorite magazine, The Week. It’s a really fun summary of all the major newspaper and magazine articles printed during the week. And, it comes out weekly, so you’ll have plenty of time to read it all!

My boss and I have a pretty intense attraction. I have this storage-closet fantasy. Should I go for it? I could lose my job if I’m misreading his signals.


First, you should assess your job situation. You know, this isn’t the best market to get sacked in. And by sacked I mean fired, not bedded. If you think that sex in a storage room won’t change the way your boss treats you, or if you have a lot of extra copies of your resume, then go for it! And then steal a bunch of Post-Its, Wite-Out and copy paper afterwards, so you feel extra-naughty.

Danny, 33

What’s the best way to seduce a painter?

Painters are pretty vain. I would simply say you like their work. Or offer to model for them, because you get a lot of alone time.

My girlfriend has a food-in-bed fetish. Should I indulge her or would this just be really messy?

You should indulge your girlfriend in whatever fetish she has. What is wrong with you?

I want to have sex in public. How do I suggest this to my girlfriend?

I don’t think talking about this beforehand is a good idea. Just go for it and see if she is responding well to the situation. I would also choose a fairly safe location for the first time and use common sense.

What’s the worst way to break up with someone?

Text message.

What’s the best?

Singing telegram.

Interviews by Kathryn Savage. Dating
Advice From… appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general
public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

  

     

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RELATED ARTICLES
Dating Advice From Glassblowers by Ariana Green
Dating Advice From Engineers by Steph Auteri
Dating Advice From Obama Campaigners by Emily Farris
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©2008 Nerve.com, Inc.