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Dating Advice from . . . Zinesters

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Nicole, 28

asknicolegeorges.blogspot.com




What’s the best way for me to pick up a zinester?

The best way to pick up a zinester is at the Portland Zine Symposium or another zine conference. You’ll have hundreds of captive zinesters stuck behind their tables, peddling their wares all day long. Get there mid-day when they’re starving and bring them a snack, or show up at the end of the day and ask, "Hey, what are you doing after this?" or, "Do you need help carrying all those zines back to your car?" Even if they didn’t like you initially, they’ll give you a chance based on their primal need for nourishment and help.

Does creating zines bring you any more action than any other creative endeavor, like photography or architecture?

I would imagine that zinesters get more action only because they are the most approachable of artists. People can see that what you’re doing is hand-made, so they feel a connection to you, and then, lo and behold, your address is on the back of the art, so they’re welcome to write you and tell you all about their crush, whereas with architects, it seems a little harder to connect.

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Zinesters are creative and cool — what’s a creative and cool idea for an awesome first date?

You could meet at the library, go get a bubble tea, then make out in the bushes after you are totally jacked on sugar and caffeine!

Some say zine writing is a dying art, kind of like foreplay. My girlfriend is short on foreplay, and I need it and like it. What are some ways to draw it out that will keep us both interested?

You’re going to have to frustrate your girlfriend the next time you get in bed. Playfully get away from her every time she’s hot and heavy and ready to go for it. Keep your junk just out of arm’s reach and make her work for it!

My single friends and I want action, so I was thinking about hosting a singles night at my place or a bar. How can I make sure it’s fun?

Ask ten of your friends to suggest one or two good-quality singles for you to invite.
Make it a theme, like a murder mystery party, so no one feels fearful of an awkward night spent holding a drink in the corner. People will have to interact whilst playing the game, which will break the ice, and afterwards you can all have a drink, a good laugh, and swap keys on your way out the door.

Every month my girlfriend is on to something new in bed. She’s a total adventurer, and while it was fun at first, I’m getting worn out. Sometimes, I just want hot missionary sex and that doesn’t turn her on at all. Is there a compromise somewhere in this?

Have hot missionary sex while pretending to be her soccer coach or her school principal. That’s the solution for the short term. But for the long term, are you ever actually just hanging out having a good time together or do you always have to be wearing a doctor’s mask and a horsetail butt plug? She should be able to make some compromises for your satisfaction, or at least work out a solution with you. If you want to bring it up, I think you should do it sometime when you’re both relaxed and not having sex. Give her some wine and bring up that you love having adventurous sex, but you also loved having some vanilla times and you want to know if they can be integrated into your new, exciting sex life. Flatter her, don’t criticize, and tell her it would only make things better.

Pete, 31

www.junkpirate.com




Is it wrong to date someone for their craft? Like, is it wrong that I’m interested in photographers because I like having my picture taken?

What someone does is usually a big part of who they are, so it’s fine to date somebody for their craft. If it’s only their craft you are attracted to, it probably won’t work out in the long run. Especially with photographers.

I am broke and working my ass off, so I don’t have a lot of time for my boyfriend — how can we get the most out of my limited time without spending a lot of money?

Do things together that are free, like hiking or skating or bike riding. It is also very romantic and thrifty to cook meals together rather than going out to eat. Oh yeah, sex is free, too.

My single friends and I want action, so I was thinking about hosting a singles night at my place or a bar. How can I make sure it’s fun?

Rule number one: get lots of booze. Everything else will fall into place.

What’s the best way to recover from saying the wrong name in bed? It’s happened once, and now I’m terrified it will happen again.

Pretend it’s a new pet name you are giving to your partner’s genitals. Then prepare to talk dirty.

Every month my girlfriend is on to something new in bed. She’s a total adventurer, and while it was fun at first, I’m getting worn out. Sometimes, I just want hot missionary sex and that doesn’t turn her on at all. Is there a compromise somewhere in this?

Hopefully so, because your girlfriend sounds like a great person. Maybe go for the missionary early in the morning when your girlfriend is too tired to get adventurous.

Do you have any codes of dating ethics that you live by?

If your date is mean to the waiter at a restaurant, bail out. Also, all men are stupid and all women are crazy. Not really a code of ethics, but if you keep that in mind you’ll be a lot less disappointed in romance.

     

  

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John Marr, 47



Zinesters are creative and cool — what’s a creative and cool idea for an awesome first date?

The most creative date I ever came up with started with dinner at the late, lamented downtown San Francisco Woolworth’s — where the staff was even more interesting than the customers — proceeded to a double feature at the Electric Theater — perhaps Torso and The Dorm That Dripped Blood — stopped in at the Fascination Parlor for some amusement alongside the loneliest people in San Francisco, and ultimately wound up at The Underground, the trashiest goth club ever — a patron once miscarried in front of the pinball machine. An equally unique first date and last date.
I never went on this date because I never found the right person. As any creative person knows, you’ve got to know your audience. Until you do, keep the date simple, the conversation creative.

Is it wrong to date someone for their craft? Like, is it wrong that I’m interested in photographers because I like having my picture taken?

It’s not wrong, just weird. And we’re all weird. I for one have dated no fewer than four redheads named Karen.

The boyfriend wants sex in public. I’m down, but I do not want to get caught. What’s the best spot?

Big Brother is here. Security cams are everywhere. Comfort yourself with the fact that somewhere, you’ll be bringing happiness and sunshine to the toils of some bored-ass security guard.

I’ve been burned more times than I’d like to remember. Are there signs to know when someone’s being honest, and someone’s leading me on?

Go with your gut. If you catch a whiff of a rat, the crawlspace is probably full of rat shit. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work with psychopaths, con artists, and used-car salespeople, all of whom are born with the ability to make rat shit smell like roses. But no one ever said life was easy.

Every month my girlfriend is on to something new in bed. She’s a total adventurer and while it was fun at first, I’m getting worn out. Sometimes, I just want hot missionary sex, and it doesn’t turn her on at all. Is there a compromise somewhere in this?

Tell her if she gives you a scoop of vanilla, next time you’ll bring the enema bag.

My boyfriend is trying to drag me to a couples’ sex party. I half want to go just to see what the hell it’s like, but my other half is creeped out. Anything I should know beforehand, or be prepared for?

There are some things in life — skydiving, childbirth, acute intoxication — that you just can’t walk out of as soon as your curiosity is satisfied. I think a couples’ sex party belongs on this list, unless you don’t mind being that couple in the corner arguing in heated whispers and muffled tears.

Ciara, 29

www.papertraildistro.com/


Zinesters are creative and cool — what’s a creative and cool idea for an awesome first date?

One of the best first dates I ever had involved getting late-night coffee-to-go and taking a walk down some abandoned railroad tracks until we found an abandoned couch that faced an abandoned factory covered in anarchist graffiti. We sat on the couch and drank coffee and argued about zines until 3:30 am, and then we went back to my place for peppermint tea and cuddling. Another awesome first date I had consisted of spontaneously road-tripping to another city, eating a huge lunch, and starting to drink in the afternoon. By 3:00 am, we were hammered, we’d had encounters with the locals, we’d confessed secrets, we’d laughed, we’d cried — really — that part was awkward. We’d eaten samosas, we’d walked through a graveyard, and we fell asleep. These are textbook zinester first dates. They are straight from the zinester handbook.

Is it wrong to date someone for their craft? Like, is it wrong that I’m interested in photographers because I like having my picture taken?

Yeah, kinda. Get a digital camera with a timer and take your own damn photo. I have been hit on by people who think zinesters are hot. Those people are idiots, and I can show them a lot of pasty, maladjusted zinesters as proof!

I am broke and working my ass off, so I don’t have a lot of time for my boyfriend — how can we get the most out of my limited time without spending a lot of money?

If you are okay with spending a little money, go pick up a two-liter of non-alcoholic ginger beer and some Jack Daniels. Then go to the thrift store and buy a set of dominoes, pour yourself a glass of ginger beer and mix in a shot of Jack, and you have a bargain-basement dark and stormy: the best alcoholic drink ever! This is an ideal date for a hot summer night. Other good free dates include: taking a walk and sitting by a body of water, making ice cream together, going to garage sales — old-fashioned, hand-crank ice-cream makers can be found at garage sales — doing misguided bike repairs together, sewing up a homemade bat costume and then jumping out of a box and scaring your friends. . .

What’s the best way to recover from saying the wrong name in bed? It’s happened once, and now I’m terrified it will happen again.

Yikes! I think the true litmus test is that if your sex partner has acquiesced to having sex with you again, you have already recovered. Good job! You must be a sexual dynamo. Here’s an idea: if it happens again and your sex partner doesn’t know that the name is an ex or something, pretend it’s a role-play you’re trying out. Maybe you can turn it into a super-hot sex game!

The boyfriend wants sex in public — I’m down, but I do not want to get caught. What’s the best spot?

Friends of mine have had good luck in ATM vestibules after-hours, when you need a card to access the lobby. This obviously works best at very small banks that are unlikely to get a lot of late-night foot traffic, like your local credit union or something. If you have a local riverbank, that might be a good spot too, like almost under the bridge. But not actually under the bridge, because you don’t want to be that guy, do you? Just keep an eye out for glass, used needles, hidden security cameras or guards, and actual vagrants lingering around, waiting to murder you. Good luck!

What’s your best advice for creating a night that’s guaranteed to be sexy and steamy?

First, I try to wear an outfit that I know my boyfriend feels is sexy. When he compliments me on it, or when I catch him eyeing my rack, I smile knowingly. The best way to make things sexy and steamy is to stay in the moment and appreciate each new progression of physical activity for what it is, without rushing ahead to whatever is next. If there’s a sex act you know your partner is really into, that you don’t do that often, ask if your partner wants to do it. That always gets excellent results and primes them to do sexy, steamy things for you in return. Most importantly, tell them how much fun you had when it’s all over, so they will be psyched to do it again sometime.

Interviews by Chantal O’Keeffe. Dating
Advice From… appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general
public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

  

     

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©2009 Nerve.com, Inc.