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Dating Advice from . . . Fire Spinners

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Lexi, 30
subjectify.blogspot.com

What has fire spinning taught you about dating?

One: don’t get drunk first. Two: avoid girls with too much hairspray. Three: adrenaline is your friend. Four: you’re going to get burned sometimes, and that’s okay.

What’s a good pickup line to use on a fire spinner?

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"Is that kerosene I smell? Because you are on fire! No, seriously, you’re on fire."

My boyfriend of several months just told me he’s bisexual. I know I shouldn’t care, but I’m a bit weirded out. What should I do?

Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Talk to him about it — try to find out why he’s telling you this now. In my experience, there aren’t a ton of actual bisexual men out there. Most of the ones that exist seem to be fire spinners, though. Suggest it to him as a hobby.

My girlfriend has a ton of piercings and tattoos, and my family is very conservative. What’s a good setting to introduce them?

Cover that girl up — ski trips, beekeeping retreats, hazmat cleanup, a vacation in the Middle East, Benedictine monasteries. Or have them meet as Wii avatars. Wii tennis can really break the ice.

I started dating a guy who’s really tall, and I’m five-two. How can we make sex less awkward? I’m sick of staring at his abdomen.

I’m going to recommend reverse cowgirl. Stare at his feet for a while, and you might start to miss the abs.

What should you do if a dangerous hobby like fire spinning worries your significant other?

If you have good safety practices in place, they’ll come around. And if they still love you without your eyebrows, you’re golden.

Zil, 24


I’ve been noticing a lot of sexual tension with a good friend I’ve known for many years. How do I make the first move toward something more?

Show up on their doorstep with nothing but a small note that says "use me" safety-pinned to your left nipple.

My boyfriend of several months just told me he’s bisexual, and I’m a bit weirded out. What should I do?

Are you non-monogamous? Then make sure you’re on the same page about safer sex. Are you monogamous? Then ask if he’s a top or a bottom and go pick out your first strap-on
together.

What’s the best way to get out of the middle of a horrible blind date?

Accidentally set them on fire. Or have a friend text you at a certain time with some sort of faux-crisis. That’s usually less messy.

I think my girlfriend’s new tattoo is really ugly. Should I lie and tell her it’s great, or tell her the truth?

I feel like you have a few more options than that. Design a fabulous new tattoo that incorporates the least ugly parts and covers up the rest.

I went on a first date that was a little bland — we didn’t have much to say to each other. But he seemed like a good guy. Should I try a second date with him?

You can’t start a fire with damp wood. Wait till to you find someone who sends shivers down your spine.

What’s an unusual roleplay scenario my girlfriend and I could try?

Barack Obama and potential running mate.

Hugh, 29

What’s the best way to pick up a fire spinner?

Having a lighter helps. It’s a good opening.

What has fire spinning taught you about dating?

You perceive risks better when it’s someone else doing it. When I’m in the middle of it, I feel like there’s no way I’m going to get hurt, even though there are globes of fire spinning around my body and I could be burned at any moment. But when I see my friends doing it, I’m like, "Holy shit, you’re going to die."

My girlfriend has a ton of piercings and tattoos, and my family is very conservative. What’s a good way to introduce them?

You’ve got to warn both parties. Warn the girlfriend that the family is conservative and might be a little freaked out, and warn the family that the girlfriend is a little more exciting than they would prefer. And then try to get them to commit to working beyond that. Be willing to accept that it might be awful.

What’s the best way to get out of a horrible date in progress?

I would say, "This isn’t working for me. I’m going to leave now." The last time I did that, the boy screamed at me on the street for twenty minutes, but at least I never heard from him again.

What’s the best reason to date a fire spinner?

We’re great at parties.

Jon, 30

What has fire spinning taught you about dating?

That people on online-dating sites will respond to a fire picture even if they have nothing else in common with you.

What’s the best way to pick up a fire spinner?

By having an equally interesting but totally useless skill of your own.

My girlfriend has a ton of piercings and tattoos, and my family is very conservative. What’s the best way to introduce them?

By phone.

I went on a first date that was a little bland — we didn’t have much to say to each other. But he seemed like a good guy. Should I try a second date with him, and how can I increase our chances for success?

I think if you send that person a flattering email, but say in it, "Hey, I know things were a little slow," it makes it clear you’re still interested, but also makes it clear that they should be willing to do some thinking about how to make things more interesting for the next date.

What’s an unusual roleplay scenario my girlfriend and I could try?

Dragon and princess that doesn’t want rescuing.
 

Interviews
by James Brady Ryan.
Dating
Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general
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em to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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