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Dating Advice from . . . Miss High Times Contestants

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Each year, using a rigorous selection process that involves photo shoots, interviews and talent competitions, the marijuana-smoker’s bible picks one young lady to grace the cover of their annual swimsuit issue as Miss High Times. Nerve asked four of this year’s entrants for their advice on sex, dating and relationships.

Sarah, 22

I have nude pictures of my ex. Do I have to toss them now that it’s over?
Definitely not. You don’t want to keep them out in the open where a new lover could find them, but if you have your little memory box, you can stash the old nudies. It’s memorabilia.

My friend just announced his engagement. Is it too late to tell him that I think his girlfriend is totally wrong for him?
Personally, I would sit him down over a bong rip and say, "Listen, you may have the love goggles on, but you should know that this isn’t the person you should be marrying.

promotion

I’m telling you this because I have your best interests in mind. I don’t want you to regret anything down the line."

My boyfriend just told me he used to make out with other guys in college. Does this mean he’s bi or gay?
Sexuality is part of human nature. In the days of Aristotle and the great philosophers, a man having a male lover on the side wasn’t that uncommon. Just because he kissed a boy, I don’t think that means he’s going to turn homo and dump you for a guy. I think it’s pretty cool he was open-minded enough to explore that sexual side.

I got back together with an ex. How can we make sure we don’t make the same mistakes this time around?
You have the history book of your relationship. Reference it.

What if he keeps bringing up old arguments? How can we put the past in the past?
That’s one of the tricky things about getting back with an ex. You have to remember that you broke up for a reason. Normally, it’s a pretty legit reason. If you’re arguing over the same things, maybe it’s not meant to be.

My girlfriend says pot makes her enjoy sex more, and she wants to smoke up every time. Should I be concerned?
No, go with it. Marijuana can be a sexual stimulant. And if your lady is happy in bed, you’re going to be happy in bed.

Say it hurts my feelings that I can’t satisfy her without a chemical aid.
People have always used sexual stimulants. Chocolate is a sexual stimulant. Whipped cream, pornos, whatever little toys you want to use — it’s only natural to have fun with it. That’s part of sex: you enjoy it, you make it more pleasureable. Whatever helps helps, whether it’s pot, costumes or cowboy boots. I wouldn’t take it personally.

How can I get a Miss High Times contestant to go home with me?
Give her a cannabis bouquet.

Aum, 23

My girlfriend always expects me to pay for our shared pot. How can I put a stop to this?
Stop buying with her. Get your own stash and let her know why you did. If she were a real stoner she would have her own stash too, and this never would have happened in the first place.

My friend told me he hates my girlfriend. How should I process that information?
First, I would smoke a bowl. Sit back and try to look at the situation objectively. What’s their motivation for saying such a thing? Are they looking out for your best interests, or are they trying to cause a rift?

I have nude pictures of my ex. Do I have to toss them now that it’s over?
If you want a clean slate, that’s the way to go. But you never know when you’ll need to blackmail someone.

My girlfriend says pot increases her enjoyment of sex, and she wants to smoke up every time. Should I be concerned?
I don’t think you need to worry about that. Maybe that’s the state she’d rather be in. I like to do everything high.

When is it okay to date a coworker?
When you two are interested in one another. Who cares about the others? If your work has a policy that coworkers can’t date, then screw ’em. It’s between the two of you; you can’t let anything stand in the way.

How can I get a Miss High Times contestant to go home with me?
Show her you are a true stoner with a beautiful soul.


Marisol, 24

My girlfriend recently divulged her “number.” It’s a lot higher than I expected, and I want to know who the other guys were, but I’m worried I won’t like the answer. What should I do?
Don’t ask follow-up questions. If you think there’s someone on that list who may bother you, it’s better not to know.

My boyfriend has a toxic friend who always takes advantage of him — borrowing money, breaking plans, etc. I feel like punching this dude in the mouth. What should I do?
Go verbal instead of physical, and go directly to the friend before you say anything to your boyfriend. Let the friend know how you feel he’s taking advantage of your boyfriend — maybe he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing.

My friend just announced his engagement. Is it too late to tell him that I think his girlfriend is totally wrong for him?
It depends on how close a friend this is. If it’s an acquaintance, keep your mouth shut. If it’s an extremely close friend, then no, the time has not passed. If there are things he needs to watch out for, you need to tell him about them.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for three months, and I think I’m in love with her. Is it too soon to tell her?
Of course not. Whenever you realize you’re in love with someone, you want to see if that person shares the same feelings.

What if she freaks out and says, "Whoa, this is going too fast"?
Then backtrack. Tell her things are new, you like her a lot, but there’s no pressure. You’re just expressing some feelings, and you don’t want her to feel like she has to reciprocate right away.

Pot smoking has killed my boyfriend’s sex drive. How can I get him to cut back without sounding like a nag?
Give him a line? [Laughs] I wouldn’t know how to approach that.


Sativa, 23

My friend just announced his engagement. Can I tell him I hate his girlfriend, or has that time passed?
That time has passed. Practice your fake smiling.

When should I tell the person I just started dating that I have a kid?
I’m nice and honest, so I would tell them right from the get-go. But being one who likes to date, if someone put their excessive baggage out there early on, I probably wouldn’t be as interested.

I found an old flame on MySpace. Is it creepy to contact him, or is that what the damn thing is for?
If you’re a first-year user, I would say that’s creepy, but if you’re a long-term user, I would say that’s what it’s for.

Under what circumstances is it possible to forgive a cheater?
If they hit the lottery and offer to put you in their will.

My girlfriend says pot increases her enjoyment of sex, and she wants to smoke up every time. Should I be concerned?
You should be concerned because this will probably make your dates more expensive. But that’s about the only concern I can think of.

Say it hurts my feelings that I can’t satisfy her without chemical aid.
I would say tough titty.

My boyfriend’s munchies are starting to make him fat. I’m becoming less attracted to him. How can I tell him he’s losing his looks?
Tell him he reminds you of some celebrity who used to be skinny but then got really fat. Let him know he needs some celebrity rehab.

How can I get a Miss High Times contestant to go home with me?
Approach her with red eyes and a really big smile. 

Interviews by Kate Sullivan. Dating Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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