61 Frames Per Second by John Constantine Today in Nerve's videogame blog: Street Fighter. The movie. A new one. With that chick from that Superman show. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!
The Remote Island by Bryan Christian Mad Men's January Jones struts her stuff in Vanity Fair. Plus: Damages returns, the latest Gossip Girl guest star and Donna Martin capitulates.
Libra
(Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
A trip will devolve into zaniness this week. You'll end up on a rickety bus with live chickens going God knows where, or doing a hundred kilometers an hour down the Autobahn. Solidify your relationship with your lover before you leave (those German fellows move as fast as their cars), or, if you're not currently attached, keep an eye out for lust on the road, be it in a high-performance vehicle or a poultry-laden caravan.
Scorpio
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
I'm excited about all those Busby Berkeley musicals coming out on DVD. In my book, thousands of black-and-white breasts jiggling in tandem is entertainment. Such multitudinous beauty will characterize your week. Sexy, synchronized faces at bars, elaborate geometric arrangements of nicely shaped calves — it'll all be surreally arousing. Just keep in mind Susan Sontag's essay "Fascinating Fascism," and be aware that all that symmetrical objectification eventually becomes oppressive.
Sagittarius
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Your week will resemble the Nina Simone song "Gimme Some," starting out demurely before reaching a deafening crescendo as you beg someone to love you "so hard I can't stand up!" If this only generates requests for you to lower your voice, don't become frustrated. People are taken aback by your mood swings, but they'll quickly normalize your behavior. Have confidence in your own volatility.
Capricorn
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Like the emotional equivalent of Peter North, you'll spew forth thick, warm ribbons of sentimentality this week, right onto the smiling face of someone you love. The pressure in your heart has been building and can no longer be held in check — it needs to be released. Just make sure the other person's ready for you to become suddenly effusive, and watch the eyes.
Aquarius
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Despite the fact that he's basically the evil anti-Christ of pop culture, Larry the Cable Guy's catch phrase ("git-er-done!") has something in common with your week. That sort of Southern-fried determination will be useful when it comes time to roll up those sleeves, rub your palms together and get elbow-deep into someone's ass. Don't think too much, and you can get anything done.
Pisces
(Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
Someone's trying to con you this week. You're wandering about, guileless and distracted like Bjork in Dancer in the Dark. And like all Scandinavians, you'll eventually find that your spending money is missing from your little coffee can, no doubt stolen under the cover of darkness sometime this past winter. Don't fret. Later, you'll make out with your increasingly famous significant other in a rising pool of Vaseline.
Aries
(Mar. 21-Apr.
19)
Someone who's more experienced than you, either at work or in the bedroom, will be a mentor this week. They'll offer constructive criticism, put your name in for a promotion, advise you on which size dildo is just the right fit and generally prove indispensible. But beware: some people who help you have a tendency to believe they "made you" and that without them you'd still have lovers who lament your tendency to bite down during oral sex. Make sure any assistance you accept comes with no strings attached.
Taurus
(Apr. 20-May 20)
You've been watching too many thrillers recently, and now you're turned on by tawdry courtroom drama, low-speed car chases, Jack in the Box heists and swimming-pool intercourse. You're essentially one step away from living in a late-night Cinemax erotic special. You don't need to jazz up your life with more subplots and extras. You've got enough spectacle already.
Gemini
(May 21-Jun.
21)
Like contemporary music, your initial ideas are good, but they won't be fully realized until future remixes bring out their potential. T-Pain, the Black Eyed Peas and Madonna all had concepts that didn't work as well the first time as they did the second. Don't worry if first attempts are disappointing, there's plenty of time to up the tempo with faster beats down the line.
Cancer
(June 21-July 21)
I saw a performance by Lisa Kron recently. She told a great story about going to school dressed in full Laura Ingalls Wilder regalia. You'll relate this week. Sure, people tell you they want you to be creative, but they don't really want you to start telling the story about your "stalker days" or come to bed wielding rusty paper clips. Don't automatically take people at their word.
promotion
Leo
(July 22-Aug. 22)
Like a Cosmo quiz helping you sort out your life with important questions like, "How normal are your breasts?" people will say they want to help, but their offers are couched in subtle criticism. Don't let them bother you. Show them up by flaunting whatever it is that they seem to think is wrong with you. Tighten your jeans, display your wares and laugh in their faces.
Virgo
(Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
You're in the ring this week, Rocky, Vaseline on your cuts, taking great pleasure in every landed punch. It's as if Robert De Niro got in the ring with Joe Pesci in Raging Bull, as opposed to just beating the hell out of him in front of his kids. No matter what's thrown at you, you'll win. Vanquished enemies will recede into the background. Now go get yourself a ridiculous gold belt with a silly buckle to commemorate your victory.
