I Did It For Science: Aneros by Grant Stoddard - Nerve.com

I Did It For Science by Grant Stoddard







To achieve orgasm via the Aneros massager.




State your hypothesis in the form of a prediction that can be verified by the results of the experiment.

I'm an absolute beginner when it comes to bum play — and a little squeamish, to say the least. But according to the makers of the Aneros massager, the ultimate orgasm is to be found back there. At the very least, this experiment will either prove or refute my friends' claims that I'm a tight-ass.




Please list all the materials required for this experiment (including, if applicable, how they were obtained).

Aneros massager (one)
Astroglide lubricant (25ml)




In this portion of your report, you must describe step-by-step what you did in your lab. It should be specific enough that someone who has not seen the lab can follow the directions and re-create the same lab.

I've been dreading Project Aneros for months. It's been looming dark on the horizon ever since Ross and Brian put the thumb-shaped piece of white plastic on my desk with a note saying, "Guess where this goes." Up until now, no foreign (or domestic) object has been shoved up my bum, and I was quite happy to stick with the status quo.

The Mongoose and I, while still very much together, have decided to move out of our shared apartment and onto opposite banks of the East River for the good of our relationship. My new living situation — and the oodles of "me" time it provided — meant that now was as good a time as any to give Aneros a test drive.

Aneros is a "male G-spot stimulator" that works by massaging the prostate, perineum and anal sphincter simultaneously. The intended result: "dream orgasm." The company's literature states that users can expect:
  • Extra sensitivity of penis, individual hair shafts, inner thighs, and nipples
  • Prickly but pleasurable sensations upon the penis bulb, shaft, and glans
  • Prickly sensations on the surface of the prostate
  • Extra pleasurable sensation deep within the prostate and perineum acupressure point
  • Warm sensation within the anal canal
I'm always skeptical about products that make these wild claims, but if I've learned anything from two wasted gym memberships and a dormant Ab Roller, it's that you only get out of these things what you put in — the phrase taking on a more literal meaning in this case. The company had already sent two samples of their product to our office, but both mysteriously disappeared from my desk. After a reluctant request for a replacement, Aneros kindly obliged, and sent along a smaller prototype intended for greener arse-ticklers like yours truly. (It's about the size of a large man's thumb, rounded at the tip and tapered at the base.) Intending to follow the complex instructions to the letter, I lay on my side, lubed up the smaller of the two massagers and began to explore virgin territory.




Quantify the effects of the experiment.

Getting it in's the hard part. It felt like going to the bathroom — backwards. I'm sure that feeling of No. 2-ing in reverse can be gotten used to — but can one actually enjoy it?

"When the Aneros massager is fully drawn into the anus, you will initially feel the pressure of the foreign object. For best results, wait 10 to 20 minutes. The prostate will accommodate the Aneros massager and the foreign sensation will begin to alleviate."

This is actually key. After several minutes, the unwanted-guest feeling slowly subsided and, heck, it actually felt pretty good in there. I read the directions during said waiting period, slightly yet pleasantly aware of the massager's presence.

But after awhile, I lost patience with the instruction manual — which read like an unabridged copy of the Talmud — and I decided to go with my instincts and what I'd gleaned from the web site. The idea is that with some practice, you can reach orgasm just by squeezing your sphincter, without even touching your penis.

After about ten minutes of serious squeezing, I was totally tuckered out and starting to feel a bit silly, what with the toy's handle protruding like an albino ram's horn from between my cheeks. I admitted defeat and rolled onto my back to bang one out in the old-school fashion. Lying on my back must have shifted the position of the toy, because I almost dropped sauce immediately and had to concentrate hard not to. When I came shortly thereafter, the feeling was much more intense than normal. It started as kind of a strong pulsing, originating from my perineum and traveling up the shaft of my old chap. I started to wonder what was achievable if I weren't so slapdash about the whole thing. A friend of the Mongoose once told me that anal sex was "okay" — apart from the dismount. "It's like a really fun house party," she explained. "But then everybody leaves all at once, and you're left alone, like, 'Where'd everybody go?'" As I removed the Aneros, this made total sense. I felt vulnerable, delicate, a little light-headed and empty. I looked down at the massager and was relieved to see that it was clean as a whistle. I think that's typical. Otherwise, why would they make them in white?




Summarize your findings. Don't forget to attempt to identify possible variables that could result in different findings for others trying to re-create your test results.

Despite this being my most-feared assignment thus far, it was ultimately the only one I'd revisit on my own time. (If only I could be knocked out for the insertion and removal.) Stripping was a fun experience, but injaculation, cock rings, and kissing a man didn't bear the fruits of this four-inch piece of plastic. However, let it be noted that Aneros is a masturbatory commitment, not something that can be accomodated during a commercial break. Private time, lube and concentration are an absolute must — and required in large quantities. Perhaps the most important prerequisite is a sense of humor: dare I say that I give it a thumbs-up?


Share this article:


 

25 Comments

OH wow... excuse me...I have to indulge in a little Grant fantasy now. It's good to know that some men aren't afraid to actually try out something that gets pushed on women quite a bit. Please don't let this be the last "I did it for Science"! It's too good to stop! InsomniacGirl ..

IG commented on 04/10

Grant Stoddard is so utterly adored. I have had to send some of my very own "tight-ass" friends to Nerve just for the sake of "I Did it For Science". Absolutely adored...

commented on 04/10

Well written, very funny and titillating! At the risk of sounding tawdry, I’m a bit turned on too…

BXG commented on 04/10

I want one! I've tried a few butt plugs (including vibrating ones), a couple of vibrators, fingers, and fruit (hasn't everybody tried a banana at some time???). I love the tickly feeling and heightened sensations. It's nice to know I'm not the only bloke to enjoy a bit of bum play every now and then. I hate the gay and "that must hurt" connotations that go with anal sex and anal play. I'm glad to see Grant had the courage to try it, and admit to liking it. :)

-W- commented on 04/10

Grant, you should try using it during sex with a girlfriend. One of mine put me on to having a small anal vibrator on and in during sex and it was amazingly intense. The only drawback was having it feel so good that I couldn't contain myself and finished way before she did. But, she thought that was good and would only "allow me to use it" on certain occassions.

cwp commented on 04/10

Great article! While it was entertaining reading, like another reader, I found Grant's science project a bit of a turn-on. My husband and I have both experimented with back-door fun and have found it an interesting treat from the norm. After reading this, I may surprise him with a little gift... Thanks, Grant!

J commented on 04/10

ohh im a bit turned on myself by that a man doing this is a turn on alone i love it when a man isnt afraisd to touch himself!!!!! thanks for the fantasy now i have to go indulge

LJ commented on 04/10

Did you actually stick a man made polymer up your ass for science? If that company wouldn't have sent the promotional product to you, would you have eventually used another readily available tool or even person? Your story sounds a bit contrived. It reads like the typical; I was scared then dissappointed then extremely satisfied story used to get children to eat vegetables or go to the opera. What you do with your anus and a mouse-like probe is your business, but leave Einstein's field out of it. just my humble, tight-assed opinion

enuf commented on 04/11

Hey Grant! Pardon my protruding bulge, but your experiment quickened MY pulse! Aneros, here I come! (no puns intended)

mk commented on 04/11

Written with finesse. Nicely done Grant!

jc commented on 04/11

Hey! I wanna try it...!!! I did some search on the web and found one at www.malegspot.com... and another site (www.highisland.com?) that sells almost exact duplicate. Where can we get one of these things??? I know you don't want your column to be a product endorsement... but given that you've given such a high mark, it *might* be a good idea to inform us as to where we can purchase one (online, please)... so that we can duplicate the experiment... all for science, of course. If Aneros is as good as you say... I think I'll take down my personals ad...!!!! :-)

JOE commented on 04/12

Way to go, Grant! Next on your list: Auditioning to be a porn star? It would be hysterical.

CM commented on 04/14

Thanks for trying it and telling us you liked it. I am all for science in such matters. I tell people all the time that there is so much to learn about sex. There is not time to learn it all, so we need help from our friends who find new information and approaches. I think it was very important what you said about allowing enough TIME for it to achieve the results that were reported. I have used the "WAND" to achieve the same results..when a man is willing to let a woman show him new tricks. I had my hand blown by friends who is a glassmaker..out of pyrex glass. All the others are made out of acrylic. I love it when a man is floating about 3 inches off the sheets when the orgasm takes over his body and he growls, thrashes, curses, and begs for it not to end! Keep up the good work for the enlightenment of all man KIND.

LG commented on 04/15

I love the scene in Road Trip where the nurse 'milks' the guys prostate at the sperm bank lol. I've had gf's masage my prostate with a couple of fingers while giving me a bj. It was so damn intense I thought my prostate was going to implode. And it would last sooo long too. I would still be having aftershocks like 2 minutes after. I do suggest laytex gloves though.

wb commented on 04/19

Oh! Grant! Don't stop!!! PLEEEEZE hahahaha! Interesting point though -- I've enjoyed some of this with my partner. Keep it up! Er, no pun intended...

CKP commented on 04/23

Hey man your story sounds like what I was hoping for when I ordered Aneros. I've not had much luck and I feel I've done just what the orders said. I know I must be missing something and that is why I keep tuning in and reading what others have to say. If you've any positive input please drop me a line now! Thank you much for your time, James

JCJ commented on 05/04

Just wanted to say thanks for a perspective that I could relate to. I was sheepishly investigating the Aneros online, and came upon your article. I appreciate the humor, honesty, and insight. You've convinced me to try it! cheers.

cp commented on 05/18

You ask "I'm sure that feeling of No. 2-ing in reverse can be gotten used to — but can one actually enjoy it?" YES!! I am a thoroughly hetero man but admit that having something larger than a thermometer slowly inserted into my anus (with plenty of lubrication) can become so enjoyable as to be addictive. I find myself looking over the back scrubbers and toilet bowl cleaners at Target for handles that would feel nice stretching my anus from the wrong side in. You have to look for smooth and strong because you don't want things to get lost. But its a real trip.

al commented on 08/16

The whole point for such experiments is for you to FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS! You can't commit to the experiment and then skip steps! What if you had skipped something essential to the proper functioning of the toy? What if you got only half of the experience that way?

SA commented on 02/05

Gay---altho not very into back-door sex for myself---I bought the Aneros. The first time was a " build up for a let down. " Nothing new happened. The second time was similar, but I believe that there is a POSSIBILITY that this massager might introduce a man into pleasurable new realms. One great thing about masturbation: its certainly qualifies as safe sex ! Straight guys need to know that anal enjoyment does not " make them gay. " From a man in favor of tolerance.

MFD commented on 06/16

thank you

rc commented on 10/08

This was a most interesting review of an Aneros prostate massager. You are to be commended for tackling it so seriously, and still keeping your sense of humor. I'd say, if you can keep your sample, that you'll build your tolerance to insertion, and find that you look forward to it. Though the packaging and reviews speak highly of the Super-O, I have yet to experience one that I would call that. They talk of hand's free orgasm, but I find I always need some help, either from Mr. Hand or from my wife. So the truely tantric experience remains ellusive. Please consider giving us an update if you continue your experiments. Your progress might be very amusing if not even enlightening.

KG commented on 03/22

The sheer comedic writing kept making me pucker in various waves of anticipation! Hilarious and informative. There is just no way of explaining this tactile invader sitting beside your suit and tie or dirt riding gear and boots! So I hope these ideas help the typical manly male cope with girlfriends, spouses, or immediate family. "Uh, it's for cleaning sludge out of your car's tailpipe. Improves fuel flow and gas mileage!" "It's one of those really, really high tech thermometers... and I have really, really bad allergies." "I have no idea what it is, I ordered a new fishing lure!" Hopefully my buddy will buy the line and say, "Holy Shiite, you're gonna need a big mouth to swallow that!" Heh. "I decided to pursue that ear, nose, throat graduate program."

RWS commented on 09/06

Actually I read this and thought to myself, you are trying too hard. The thing that made it work for me, was not trying at all and instead focusing on relaxing totally. Its a strange balance and mental state you need to be in. I always feel like im starting to flip inside my body and lose my sense of position in space. Thats usually a signal that its going to start working. You need to crack the code yourself though I think.

ac commented on 05/27

i tried massaging my prosate with my finger over 60 or more times and now i got the aneros and nothing works, what do you do to make it work? squeeze your butthole together like your holding a piss and for how long? the instructions dont make sense, they use huge words.

dc commented on 10/21
 

Leave a Comment


Initials




We are ardently committed to free expression, but we do expect Nerve visitors and contributors to interact respectfully and responsibly. Blatant expressions of bigotry, sexism or hatred may be constitutionally protected on the street corner, but they're not cool here.
© 2002 Grant Stoddard and Nerve.com, Inc.



CLICK HERE FOR MORE I DID IT FOR SCIENCE!

The Men Who Stare at Goats by Scott Von Doviak
George Clooney & co. get political, psychic, and really weird. /entertainment/
Culture Wars: Debating Mad Men's Marriage by James Brady Ryan and Isabella Notti
Spoiler Alert: Should Betty [redacted] Don [redacted] or [redacted]?
Sex Advice From . . . Mike White by James Brady Ryan
Q: What has screenwriting taught you about dating? A: I write about awkwardness. Dating is the perfect inspiration. /advice/
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Me and My Friends by Tony Woolliscroft
Twenty years of intimate photos, onstage and off.
20 Ways to Get Your Arrested Development Movie Fix* by Phil Nugent
*Until they actually make the movie.
My Parents Were Awesome by Eliot Glazer
Before fanny packs and Yanni concerts, your parents were free-wheeling, fashion-forward, and super-awesome.
Awesome Advice, Way to Go! by Erin Bradley
The Washington Post forgets that vampires aren't real. /advice/
Ten Revelations on the Road to Love by Jack Harrison
Seduction is easier than you think.