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Experiment: To test the love-making and partner-pleasing effects of ManDelay — no, not the casino in Vegas or the most beautiful city in Burma, but the "maximum-strength genital desensitizer." Man-delay, get it? Making my member numb and number — sounds like a treat!

Hypothesis: We all want to be bedroom Olympians — as long as it doesn't involve any taxing workout regimens. But lazy as I am, I'm still a considerate guy, and if a little gel can make me last longer for my bedmates, giving them that much more pleasure (and maybe even helping them remember my name), then I'm all for it. However, as I probably won't be feeling anything mid-romp, it might be a bit of a conditional triumph.

Materials:
• One tube maximum-strength ManDelay® genital-desensitizing cream
• My formerly sensitized junk
• Volunteers from the crowd

The offices of Nerve.com happen to be at pretty much the world epicenter of sexy women. Downtown Manhattan, the closest Duane Reade (at Broadway and Prince) has more models, famous people, and well-heeled hotties passing through its door than most any other drugstore in the universe. But

Not since my high-school days had I felt so awkward entering a drugstore.

this is where I had to go to make my all-too suggestive purchase (should I just wear a T-shirt reading Premature Ejaculator?), and I can't say I was looking forward to it.

Not since my high-school days of working up a five-day shadow on my babyface to go try to buy condoms, beer, or cigars had I felt so awkward entering a drugstore. Mercifully, there was only one woman (a civilian) waiting to pick up a prescription and one other milling about, probably wanting to buy an anti-yeast cream or incontinence diapers once we'd all leave. No Heidi, no Gisele, no problem.

That is... until I realized that I couldn't find the stuff. It wasn't among the condoms (though I was happy to discover that they now sell jimmy-caps with built-in vibrating rings — whoa), nor among the actual vibrators (in a family drugstore!), nor next to the Kama Sutra-brand "body soufflé" in traditional Indian flavors like Chocolate Crème Brulèe and French Vanilla. In fact, it wasn't anywhere. So I had to ask the clerk — who, of course, had to be young and sexy. I muttered the product name, sheepishly.

"ManDelay?" she said. "I've never heard of it. What is it?"

"Uh, a genital desensitizer — for men. It's normally near the condoms."

"I don't think I've seen it. Hold on." Then she grabbed the store loudspeaker: "Gary, do we have ManDelay, a male genital desensitizer?"

Even if they didn’t, I feared my South might never rise again.

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16 Comments

Jeeeeesus. Grant's writing this isn't. Unless he wrote an I Did It For Science on turning off readers with smug, unengaging pap. (I must have missed that one). Giving your lover a pseudonym is one step up from giving your penis a nickname. Which is pretty symptomatic of how boring and spineless these new Sciences are.

DK commented on 08/05

My how the slithy toves did gyre!

CM commented on 08/05

The whole idea of ManDelay is so flawed and symtomatic of Americans take-an-elixir-to-fix-it-all mentality. Ejaculation control is a mental issue, not physical. Don't numb yourself, feel more. And god only knows what in that slimy stuff you slather on your wanger.

red commented on 08/05

its better if you are in a committed relationship and don't need a condom.

mo commented on 08/05

Uh oh- red, if you are using this stuff for birth control, you are in for a little (8 lb) surprise!

ruro commented on 08/05

The next Nerve science lab should be to try giving a chick a cumshot. That would be a good read (from the POV of the girl or the guy). It would also be cool to do one on going to a naked resort or spa. Let's see more of the raunchy Rev Jen stuff. She is so awesome.

DblD commented on 08/05

I think I just wasted 1 and 1/2 pages of reading text before I got to any pertinent info

CLR commented on 08/05

Uh, big NO, mo. It's a topical gel. It'll numb the gal's insides, too, which I don't think is the goal.

HC commented on 08/05

If anyone wants to try this without the embarrassment of being seen making the purchase -- ANY topical ointment containing Benzocaine will have the same effect. For example, Orajel brand toothache and teeting ointment. However, I agree that the whole thing is a bad idea. I learned (happily) that the best cure for premature ejaculation is more sex and practice -- what a wonderful cure!

LD commented on 08/05

I would bet you anything that RevJen would take a facial for science. Jen, you out there???

VD commented on 08/05

This story is pretty hackneyed. I doubt that anyone said that over the loudspeaker. Pretty cheap joke. Also all that model business. Please bring back better writing, I used to love these articles!

JR commented on 08/05

hey nerve - is it possible for jack harrison to write an article that doesn't mention models?

ncc commented on 08/05

this is a total non-story... first off, you can delay as long as you want when you're whacking off.. The only real test for this would be sex... Moreover, it's written as if you threw it together 5 minutes before class... totally lame.

bl commented on 08/06

I thought this was witty and intelligently written, and it made me smile the whole time while I was reading it. Way to bring cleverness and intellect back to sexuality, in the true tradition of Nerve. Jack is fierce.

eg commented on 08/06

you have proven that you like yourself most. now you can become a hermit without remorse.

dwp commented on 08/06

Would applying on my hands give me the feeling of a third person handjob?

5tr commented on 08/08

 

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