here’s a lot of grossness littered about my fantasy life, and I’m always the one cleaning up. You know those dirty movie booths where men put tokens in the machine and jerk off to pornos? Well, my latest dream is to be the one who mops those places. I know I’m not the only one. Because, I mean, who’s doing the cleaning? Someone must be, because there’s not a foot-high wall of dried come beneath every screen. And with less than five percent unemployment in most parts of America, no one is taking a squeegee to nudie booths in order to feed their kids. No, they must want it the bleach, the rag, the knee pads, the ghosts of ten thousand masturbating men. I’m not the only dreamer. It was with great joy that I used my occupation as journalist as a cover to approach John, booth-swabber and manager at the most scandalous dirty movie spot in New Hampshire the owner would like to keep it unnamed to get the lowdown on splooge-wiping. Our interview was repeatedly interrupted by customers coming and going they’d silently hand John three dollars, avoiding eye contact, and he’d give them tokens while I waited. I think the fact that it was Valentine’s Day and that I was obviously pregnant made the masturbators shy. Then the unbelievable happened my father’s roommate approached the counter, boxed vibrator in hand!
No, they must want
it the bleach, the rag, the knee pads, the ghosts of ten thousand masturbating men. I’m not the only dreamer.
It was with great joy that I used my occupation as journalist as a cover to approach John, booth-swabber and manager at the most scandalous dirty movie spot in New Hampshire the owner would like to keep it unnamed to get the lowdown on splooge-wiping. Our interview was repeatedly interrupted by customers coming and going they’d silently hand John three dollars, avoiding eye contact, and he’d give them tokens while I waited. I think the fact that it was Valentine’s Day and that I was obviously pregnant made the masturbators shy. Then the unbelievable happened my father’s roommate approached the counter, boxed vibrator in hand!
What do you tend to find in those booths?
Napkins, everywhere. All these napkins.
Well, that’s nice the customers start the clean-up process for you.
What if you had little trash cans in each booth?
just threw napkins and things everywhere.
Maybe it’s part of the pleasure to leave one’s mark.
another store; we found all kinds of crazy stuff there. Found a banana with
a condom on it one time. Various rubber appendages.
Those are expensive! You’d think they wouldn’t want to leave ’em
lingerie behind too. You don’t know . . . a guy can come in wearing a business
suit, and underneath he has a garter and stockings on. What can you do to
each his own.
What would you say is the income bracket of the average person who
comes in here?
Because lingerie is expensive too!
Maybe they come in with high hopes, in the mood, and then after the
blessed event, they feel bad. They don’t want to take the evidence with
them. What’s the demeanor of people when they come here?
catches them by surprise all the rubber dicks and whatever on the walls.
I don’t know what they were expecting to find here!
I always wondered . . . why do they make those dildos that are so big it
looks like you could kill somebody?
Oh my God!
Have you ever made a friend of a regular customer?
’em. I try to keep a certain amount of separation. One of the guys, they
said there’s karaoke at the gay bar down the street, let’s go. I sing in
a band, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to show them I do
something other than sell porno I’ll sing some tunes. So we went down
there one night, and I brought the other kid I worked with. To make a long
story short, that kid ended up closing down the store early the next night,
entering the Wet Jock contest, moving in with some dude and we never saw him
again! After that, I said, “Well, if that’s what they want, I think I’ll keep
a certain amount of separation!”
It’s a dangerous life, the porno booth business! Do you ever use the
booths when it’s slow?
that, I’d rather do it at home, you know?
Yeah I used to work at Dunkin’ Donuts, and after a while I couldn’t
even think about eating the doughnuts.
Have you ever had to throw people out?
You think he did it because he was excited, or was it an accident?
How did you say it to him?
there.” So I went back there, I didn’t know who it was, but I said, “Listen,
whoever did that, you gotta get out of here right now.” One guy comes out
with his head down.
[laughing] How humiliating! He’d offended the other masturbators.
The other place I used to work at, they said just mop at the end of the
night. We mop about ten times a day here. You don’t want to leave that stuff
hanging around. We use disinfectant, stuff that kills HIV and staph
infections, things like that. Spray it all down and let it sit for a while,
then wipe it all up.
You take pride in your work.
guy we used to call the Baby Oil Bandit. He’d get completely naked and cover
his body with baby oil and stick like toilet paper and stuff all over him.
We didn’t know who it was at first, ’cause he’d come out with all his clothes
back on like everybody else. But then we’d go in there and there’d be the
empty baby-oil bottle and napkins stuck to the wall. When we found out who
it was, we said, “Listen man, we don’t care what you do, but just don’t make
a mess, ’cause we don’t want to clean that up!”
You should just give him the rag when he comes in.
You know how in some bathrooms they have those tissue paper things in
the shape of a toilet seat you can put down before you sit? Ever thought of
having something like that here for the benches?
Butcher block paper!
This is your lucky day! I’ll give you my brilliant idea for free!
Well, probably only girls would care about that, and you probably don’t get
Do women tend to be neater?
to do what he has to do and get out of there.
Do you have like a Saturday night special here for couples or
anything? The Fifth Wheel does that.
and they’d get twenty percent off.
But it’s only like two dollars to use a booth, so that only saves you
get about one minute per token.
How much do people usually buy?
That’s twelve minutes. Fast work.
card] You want batteries for that? Make sure it works?
I know you! You’re Lisa!
Ack! [everybody laughs] I won’t tell if you won’t tell.
That’s nice. Well, have a good night!
are you doing here?” And the other one says, “Well what are you doing here?”
That was my father’s roommate! So, uh, what’s the most anyone’s ever
spent on the booths?
That’s eighty minutes! And how long does it take you to clean up?
So that’s two hours a day you’re in there! Do people ever hit the
screen with their business or . . . has anyone ever hit the ceiling?
New England is a pretty polite place.
I bet in other parts of the country they’re hitting the ceiling!
[a little overexcited] Do they ever start an orgy in there and they
all spill out into the aisle, naked?
In New Hampshire, you’re not allowed to have doors on the booths. How
of some sort.
They’re thinking that if the booths are open, people won’t . . .
But actually, it just makes cruising easier!
unprivate it is, and then there’s people who want people to see it. They
used to have doors, but when this place opened, it caused a stink.
I remember that that was around ’91. The retail stores were upset.
It was front page news!
It is strange that there are four adult stores within walking
distance of each other in such a conservative part of the country.
their inspection, and you never know when that’ll be.
Do you ever get tired of hearing people in there, using the booths?
“Hey, if the moans of ecstasy are reaching my ears, it’s much too loud.”
What does your girlfriend think of your job?
religious born-again Christian. But she likes it now. She can come in and
say, “Oh, I want one of that!” She gets hundred-dollar vibrators for free.
Do you clean the bathroom at her place, or have you had enough
after a hard day here?