Lisa: Do you have a physical type?

Krysta: I used to. I've become less picky. I like a medium build. Hair and eye color don't matter, obviously.

Lisa: Have you ever had a trophy boyfriend, someone you knew was good-looking even though you couldn't see him, and paraded about with him?

Krysta: Yes! [laughs] There's all kinds of information that gets projected about someone. A lot of time you can tell someone's really good-looking by how people treat them — like saying "Can I help you?" in an eager sort of way. I went on a date with this guy I knew was pretty attractive by his personal ad. At dinner I found out he wasn't lying — the waiter started hitting on him!

Lisa: Are you good-looking?

Krysta: I have gotten enough random cues so I know I can be attractive.

Lisa: What do you look like?

Krysta: I'm 5'8" with brown hair. It's also been black, red and purple though.

Lisa: How do you decide what color to dye it?

Krysta: Friends make suggestions, or tell me what would go with my skin tone.

Lisa: How do you match colors for clothes?

Krysta: I don't have my clothes labeled like some blind people do — I just remember by the texture which piece of clothing it is and what color.

Lisa: Were you born blind?

Krysta: No. It happened when I was three. I had a disease of the retina.

Lisa: What sort of school did you go to?

Krysta: I was in a special education school for three years, and then I was mainstreamed.

Lisa: How were you treated by the other kids?

Krysta: Like I did not exist.

Lisa: What did it feel like?

Krysta: It felt like it feels when you're the only one of your kind in your school.

Lisa: How old are you now?

Krysta: Thirty-three.

Lisa: How has your blindness affected your ability to meet guys?

Krysta: There are some drawbacks during the initial flirtation stage, like not being able to make eye contact. But it is possible to get around that. I did this test in college where I'd walk into a bar. If my white cane was apparent, men would offer me help. If it wasn't, they'd offer me a drink.

Lisa: Did you think men ever use the offer of help as an "in"?

Krysta: Yes, but since I'm a very independent person, I didn't figure out for the longest time that people might think offering to help me would be a way to meet me.

Lisa: Do you think anyone is ever drawn to you because you're blind?

Krysta: Yeah. People who think it has this weird mystique — blindness as symbolism for being able to see, that somehow I'm more perceptive of the truth. Some guys also have a savior/protector ideology.

Lisa: That sounds obnoxious.

Krysta: It is. I tell them, "You're wasting my time, you patronizing pain in the ass." Or when people are so impressed: "It's so cool how you do stuff." Right, I'm getting on with my life. Wow. They think going out with me automatically means they'll have to be reading my mail and feeding me and who knows what. They have moments of cognitive dissonance when they find out I have body piercings and a tattoo. I don't have handcuffs in my bedroom, but I've thought about it. I don't get freaked out easily, and that goes against the perception of blindness being asexual, helpless, conservative, quiet, timid and not terribly adventurous. I tend to be fairly liberal and well aware of what's going on in the world.

Lisa: Yeah, I think blind people are expected to be anachronisms — sit in a room with wallpaper from the twenties and wear a shawl.

Krysta: A lot of blind people are anachronistic — listening to old-time radio plays or such. But I think a lot of that comes from lack of employment opportunities and financial disparities. They don't have access to resources and information that other people have. When I had a low-paying job, I didn't go to the movies — not because I'm blind, but because I didn't have money for the ticket.

Lisa: You go to the movies?

Krysta: Yeah, I can tell what's going on from the dialogue — I listen for the subtext. If there's an action scene, my friend can whisper to me what's happening.

Lisa: In your sex fantasies, can you see?

Krysta: No.

Lisa: What's that like, to fantasize without seeing?

Krysta: What's that like? I never know how to answer that kind of question.

Lisa: Yeah, I guess that would be like someone asking me what it's like to see — you just see.

Krysta: Well, there's smell and taste and sound, all sort of sensation. Not just the intentional sounds people make, but also the sound of how you know where someone is. I have had fantasies of another person being dependent on me, or at least not in control, especially with a sighted partner. Where there's a role reversal, like they can't see, or are tied down.

Lisa: You know how in movies they make it really sexy when a blind person feels someone's face to see what they look like? What's it like in real life for you?

Krysta: I've never done that. Well, the way they do it in movies, it's always a lead-up to something. If I touch someone's face, we're in bed and I touch it just like everyone else does.

Lisa: Have you ever had a one-night stand?

Krysta: Several. My first sexual experience was a one-night stand. I was twenty and was in that late teens/early twenties angst of "Oh my god, I'm going to die a virgin." I was out of the country at this provincial school and extremely bored. This Danish guy was visiting; he was playing pool and he'd been drinking some. He noticed my cane had a golf grip and was playing with it when it snapped open. He thought he had broken it, and I had to reassure him, and that got us talking. We went back to a friend's dorm room where we talked, drank, laughed. At last I realized he was interested in me. He took my hand and there was that electric shock. So when it came time to break up the little party and we were figuring out where everyone would sleep, he ended up in my room. It was a very good experience. The next day my friends said, "He was really cute!" I said, "Oh, good!"

Lisa: How do a guy's friends and family tend to react to them being with you?

Krysta: I've never met a boyfriend's parents, it's never reached that point. But sometimes there's issues with not knowing how to introduce me to their friends. Some people react like: "What are you doing with this disabled woman, this blind woman?" There have been people who kept me as a separate little part of their life — that gets old real fast — and then there are others who just handle it. Ooh, I have to go — the UPS guy is here.

Lisa: I can tell you: all UPS guys are cute. I think maybe that's their marketing strategy. "How can we stand out from the other delivery services? Hire all handsome men."

Krysta: He seems nice, too. He comes to deliver things all the time.