The Lisa Diaries

Pin it


The Lisa Diaries by Lisa Carver  

The Jellyfish Tour

February 19, 1999 ~ Boston

I’ve been on tour with (my band) Suckdog. The clichés about being on the
road are so true! It’s a floaty dreamworld, completely void of morals. No
one can reach you. No one can call you on the telephone. No one can need
you. You drift in and out of people’s nights like a jellyfish. Even
people who know you turn into strangers when they watch you on stage.
It’s like they’re meeting you for the first time, and everything between
you is changed for that night. Dave was at the Boston show. He said I’m
beautiful! Lyle never once complimented my appearance. Except one time
he said I had nice ears (he said ears were important to him). I like
the way Dave mixes up all these patterns and textures that shouldn’t look
good, and he makes them look good. I think it’s his posture. He
lounges and he says “baby.” He is sly but somehow absurd, like a cross
between a snake and a puppy. During the post-show frenzy of packing
costumes and props and signing autographs and finding places to sleep,
Dave sucked on olives and slouched until he almost disappeared, and he
said to me, “Come sleep at my house. I have a swimming pool.”




“No, that’s right — I don’t have a pool. I have cats. I forgot.”


It turns out they weren’t even his cats — they belonged to his
roommate. I didn’t expect anything to happen because we’d innocently
slept together twice before. In bed he said, “We’re friends.” I said,
“Yes.” Then he pulled me on top of him and said he was going to sleep,
and he didn’t go to sleep at all. I guess we hadn’t counted on his radio
being tuned to The Touch. The Touch is the kind of soul-lite station
you turn on to hear Luther Vandross murmur, “Oh baby, I was wrong.
You’re not a girl, you’re a woman, and I’m gonna take you out on the
lake and right there in the bottom of my canoe I’m gonna love you like
a woman, like a woman, in this crazy, crazy world.” You listen to that,
you’re helpless.


It felt strange to have someone other than Lyle touching me. Dave
really likes this stuff. I do too! But you forget what that’s
like when you’ve been with someone so twisted up about it. I also felt
terribly guilty because he has this new sort-of girlfriend, and I
haven’t been part of a cheat since I was a teenager. But when The
Touch has you in its velvety hold, you can hardly say no.

Lisa Carver and