The Lisa Diaries

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The Lisa Diaries by Lisa Carver  

Disinterested Lady

June 19, 1999

You know that period just before true wakefulness, when your eyes are still closed and information
comes to you in chunks: where you are, who you are, whether this is garbage day or not? This
morning as I lay in that state, two things slowly became apparent: one, Dave had already reached
complete wakefulness, including down there; and two, I really had to pee. I tried to not let on I
was awake, but he must have figured it out, because he hoisted me on top of him with my back on
his chest and stomach. “You’re not going to be able to get it in that way,” I grumbled. But he did.
Now I really had to pee. He kept going and going. Doesn’t he notice I am not into
I might have even tapped my fingers and sighed. I wish he’d hurry up and come.
And then he did — all over my back and hair. I got up with stiff posture — the stuff was dripping
down me — and stepped gingerly into the shower without one word.


He kept on poking his head into the shower and apologizing. Finally I burst into tears,
which just made me madder. “I thought we were friends,” I said to the shower curtain I’d yanked
shut again. “You don’t come all over a friend before she’s even had her coffee.” The voice from
the other side of the curtain tried to explain: “You just looked so disinterested, and I’d
never seen you like that before, and it turned me on so much. I was purposely being a bad lover,
because I wanted you to keep that expression on your face. Coming all over you was just something
a bad lover would do. I’m sorry baby. I love you so much everything about you is sexy to me, even
your boredom.” I believed him, but still . . . I walked out of the shower looking more haughty
than I actually felt. Dave turned red in the cheeks and had to back up against the wall for
support. “You look so severe,” he gasped. He loves that stuff. So I pretended all day to still be
mad. All I would let him do was go down on me.


When he went home, I called my friend Rachel about it, and she wanted to try it out on her
boyfriend. So we went shopping for Disinterested Lady apparel. Rachel found a cheetah coat and hat
with veil; I got a silver compact.

Lisa Carver and