November 11, 1999
Whatever I wanted to do at 20, I did it. Then I did it five more times. My diaries from that era are short on introspection but long on action. I had six lovers, an insane husband in another country and a death wish. I had no money, no home, no peace and no answers, and I was driven to find them right now in experience. I’ve always solved things with sex, and I had more to solve at 19 and 20. I didn’t want to listen to anyone or read anything. I wanted to do it everything. “I have no time for books anymore,” I wrote in the heavy melodrama of twentydom, “I’m too vicious for that.” I was not what you would call a kind soul, or a wise one. I was a slave to my whims, and I expected everyone else to be, too.
I wouldn’t want to be friends now with the person I was then. I was too unpredictable and too disrespectful. Plus, violent things seemed to happen wherever I went. But Me-Then could be really funny, and I get a queasy enjoyment out of reading my misadventures; I figured you probably would too. So that’s what we’re going to do, in one diary entry each month.
My Date with GG
Lisa Carver and Nerve.com, Inc.