The Lisa Files: The Ass Is Always Greener . . .

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March 11, 2002

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Having been married my entire adult life, in two more or less open marriages, I’m not too qualified to know the difference between casual and serious sex activities. I mean it with everybody! I once read something Napoleon said about Josephine, to explain why he didn’t want to divorce her even though that might mean losing his empire (since she was too old to bear heirs): “But I’m used to her.” He was used to yelling at her, sleeping with her, listening to her advice, having her around, cheating on her, getting really mad when she cheated on him; he was used to her pretty clothes, her ways in bed, how she could charm heads of state when his terrible table manners drove them away. In other words, he was used to her like he was used to life. He did eventually cave in to pressure though, and dumped old Josephine for a slew of nubile hotties, including some king’s cousin (he married that one). Still he could not stop himself from visiting (in every sense of the word) Josephine at her little estate, his former summer getaway. And she was fat by then, too! I believe in marriage. I also believe in chance encounters. Napoleon, most of the respondents below and me: a bunch of greedy people who can’t choose, doomed to regret.

Lisa Carver is the author of the books Dancing Queen, Rollerderby, The Lisa Diaries and Drugs Are Nice. She’s written for Hustler, Index, Icon, Feed, Newsday and Playboy, among others. She lives in New Hampshire.


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