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September 11, 2002
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| In the past two weeks, since the world changed, I've felt physically useless and uninterested in sex. — Me, September 24, 2001 I was lying when I said I didn't have sex for two weeks after the towers came down. It was actually one week, but everything seemed so much more important in those days; one week felt like two. I wanted to join the Peace Corps. I wanted to go undercover with RAWA (Revolutionary Afghan Women Association). I thought I hated my husband Dave because he made jokes about Bush and didn't want to join the Peace Corps. And then, instead of doing daring acts in distant lands, I became pregnant. It happened that first time we did it after 9/11. Life became smaller for me then — the overwhelming questions were for other, unpregnant people to pose and answer. My life was approximately two inches long. My love and fear for the whole world narrowed down to fill one, small person.
Bombarded by 9/11 anniversary specials in magazines and on TV, with their images of gigantic destruction, it's hard to feel that my day today — trying out a new zucchini-bread recipe (it's great!), smiling back at my baby and, when she falls asleep, letting my Big Baby (that would be Dave) inside — is as real for as that day one year ago was for people fleeing an avalanche of mortar powder. Or even as real as my own life was that day, watching live TV and feeling change as strong as an actual person breaking into my house. In the end, though, people are affected by what's in their day, not what's in other people's days. I've always believed the composer John Cage, that every seat is the best seat. Eavesdropping on the teenage couple next to you in the back of the theater, or being lulled to sleep by the opening and closing of the usher's door (and what wild dreams you'll find yourself in, and then forget), is just as scintillating and significant as the front-row view. When you truly believe that, then baking zucchini bread is as meaningful as dying. And so, after my brief and ineffectual foray into social consciousness, I've fallen back to my individualist ways. "Everything is different now," we all said in the days following the first large-scale terrorist attack on American soil. But when I tracked down the people I'd interviewed then, I found that the songs have remained the same. Ann Miller, who was wont to be wanton before 9/11, is wont to be wanton post 9/11. Miguel was fucking against death even as a child. And even though Terry McGaughey wasn't in this country on 9/11, it's still more real to him today than it is for a lot of Americans — because it was real to him before: his brother-in-law had his legs blown off in an IRA bomb. The crisis, more than actually changing anything, simply illuminated whoever a person was. For me, those dire days made my lifelong fantasies of being a spy and saving the world seem actually possible, but in the end, the path of my life was directed, once again, by the loins.
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Commentarium (24 Comments)
No Feed back on Lisa? That can't be right. What about on Dave? Huh? None there either.
Man!
This is THE MOST TELLING SIGN OF 9/11. Apathy. You know it is really bad, (in a place inside where no one can admit it), if LISA and DAVE appear in the same interview; and there is No Feed Back.
I'm a therapist. (I know, I know, therapist is just The Rapist joined as one word.) It's been my work for 16 years, and most peers, co-workers and former supervisors, think I am a pretty good therapist.
My "population", the segment of humanity I work with, is kids. Mostly adolescents. Know why? It's the only way to get the honest to gawd truth about the ADULTS in the family.
Sure, the children, young men and women, tell lies. Sometimes very convincing ones. Usually, in my experience, they eventually can't carry the consequenses, (to others), the guilt eats their lunch. So, they confess. It's one of the traits I like most about them. They have tremendous guilt.
From a professional stand point, I can use their over developed sense of guilt to effect profound and useful changes.
It is not that adults do not have guilt. No, they got it. Especially as parents. The difference is that adults have higher levels of sophistication in how they handle their feelings - all of them. Kids are new at it so it's more powerful. Much more powerful.
As a male therapist, I especially like working with kids of single Moms. Single parents should be the most respected group in the world. It is extremely difficult to do it well.
One of the more personal reasons I like single Moms, in addition to respecting them, is the fact that most of them are real horney. I can REALLY USE that to effect profound change in me and usually the Mom too.
At 41 years old, I have never been bothered by the question of marriage. First, there are too many Mom's to service, and secondly; I am too honest and prone to guilt so if I got married; and all these Moms needed "home visits", that would be cheating.
Since I have no desire to give the Moms up, I avoid marriage like an opposite to a magnetic charge. Of course, this hurts the feeling of some of the Moms that I service. They believe, counter to what I tell them, that our intimate time means something other than sex.
A lot of guys avoid women who won't, or can not, listen to what you say about not wanting a committment. Not me. I think these are the Best Ones. No guilt. I tell them the truth, they ignore it and get hurt. Who's fault is that? Really, these women - I bet there are Men the same way - are a Gift.
Hey, as a therapist, I am usually willing to help them work through their guilt. The ones that throw stuff, and sue me...different story. No help.
Hey, if things weren't so good for me, I'd be hustling Lisa. If I had more motivation to change, maybe even stalking her. Help her get some good press. She's pretty cute, has a lot of talent and has yet to have excellent sex. She thinks she has, but she's wrong.
Since hustling and stalking are not really in my nature, I'll just be patient. Couple of years, who knows with her and Dave? She could find herself in the Single Mom role.
The odds are in my favor.
Since she is obviously a great mother, enjoys it, and has a big heart, I know she'll want to cover all the bases when, or if; her and Dave do the divorce thingy. She'll want to take her little one to a good therapist.
I'm the best. Plus, while evaluating her child, who will be fine based on genetics and Lisa and Dave's maturity; I'll over her a few freebie "home visits."
Well, maybe not freebies. She'll probably be loaded by then, and I know it means so much more when a patient has to pay. Who wants something for nothing in a therapist?
So, regular rates. Plus, she will finally have the other-worldly sexual experience she needs. Diagnostically, she is just suffering from Terminal Pelvic Congestion.
I can fix her right up.
No thanks necessary at this point. Let's wait and see what happens. Admit it though, it's nice to know a plan is in place...hey?
charles
You are weird!
hi lis - great piece. well nice, well-rounded collection of thoughts.
Now THERE'S a therapist that clearly harkens back to the glory days of Victorian medical-industry insanity--patient assault and an obvious proliferation of drugs. YEEHAW. Anyway, what I think is funny about 9/11 is how it relates to our tech level of communication. Sad as it may be that those people died in NYC, comparisonwise to history it is a piffling amount of death. Rightly, many commentators tried to point out that if it served as anything it was as possibly Allah's last attempt to send a wake-up call to poor, pathetic Generation X and their near-crystallized Total Apathy. This is all known, but my point here about technology is that despite the small size of the fiasco itself (again, comparitively speaking), T.V. allowed us to broadcast the situation as if it was an immense disaster, to sprinkle it with various confessionals and saturate everyone with the misery of it. The ensuing psychic price of media assault is ironically higher for 9/11 than it ever was for, say, Pol Pot. (Who?) If mass consciousness accrues a certain self-automating life force, it's funny, for me, to imagine all that immense energy directed over what is really a tiny scandal, energy that is I suppose this evening circling down in all its glory to hear that new American Idol girl sing the National Anthem. Fitting.
so there's this short story by charles bukowski. i can't remember the title although Six Inches comes to mind. It's about a guy who starts dating this woman who feeds him magic food day after day and the guy starts shrinking. It is a slow shrink at first so that he's not really sure if it's his imagination or what. eventually there is no denying that his stature is decreasing. Also, the woman is a sex hog. demands constant fucking. the guy starts getting really frightened but doesn't know what to do: is this a good deal i've got going here or is something horribly horribly wrong. after several weeks the man is a lilliput...tiny, six inches at most. the woman comes home, grabs him up and starts using him as a dildo. his final words are, "Oh my god, she's fucking me!!!!!!"
i couldn't help but think of this story when i read about vicky wheeler's new blue vibrator. i am the "nuke 'em and let allah sort them out" guy. the truth is, i was never of that persuasion and never have been...but this is not about me and it's not about 9/11. this is all about vicky and vicky's clit. it was all about vicky's clit before 9/11 and it was all about her clit during 9/11 and it is all about vicky's clit post 9/11. the truth of the matter is that vicky was dismissed from our relationship for being untruthful (especially about her exes), arrogant, ungrateful and mean-spirited. pretty much the same attributes that got those civilians slaughtered last september.
". pretty much the same attributes that got those civilians slaughtered last september. " -- I thought you said you weren't that guy? That's where you lost me, DL.....
Oh, Lisa.
How I love your columns, but if you ever, EVER again use a form of the noun "impact" as a verb, adjective, or adverb {"And how was our love life impacted, if at all?"}, I shall be forced to boycott!
It just *so* turns me off. (As do other things that remind me of all the bubble-headed, buzzword-slinging, jargon-butchering suits I have to deal with daily.)
You are a prisoner of your idiosynchrasies. (SP?) You know that makes me just want to say impact-impact-impact!
What a deep and beautiful concept! I've read no better think-through / tribute. "The crisis, more than actually changing anything, simply illuminated whoever a person was." This has a gut ring of truth that holds up to analysis. I'd say it was true of myself, Canada, and the Bush administration ... And what a baby picture!!!
Nice to see an article from you Lisa. I had been reading your "Lisa Diaries" for a year before you took your hiatus and I do miss them. I know it is all about what feels right at the time but I hope to see more from you, even if you do not resume your diaries.
MJO
Like to tell lies, do ya? Hm. Interesting.
Where did you get the I Love NY onesie that Sadie is wearing? I'd love to buy one for a pregnant friend. Thanks.
The "I love NY" onesie was bought from a street vendor in Soho (NYC). Probably any tourist T-shirt shop in NYC would have one. --Nerve Editor
I van't remember the last time anything of interest appeared in this writer's domain. Rest in peace.
Lisa - Hi sweet girl. It's been a long time; it's about my life pretty much as you put it in your opening remarks. This is just to say congratulations and blessings on Sadie. That is so wonderful. Also appreciated seeing Dave's remarks - he isn't lying about this is he??? (Just kidding.) I also appreciated your latching on to 'clanking my clit'. You're the best.
After sending, I read the previous feedback and have to chime in now myself. First of all, the shrink guy has a nerve to think anyone cares about that much raving from anybody - LISA's THE WRITER HERE JOE, OK???? Also I'm not a little troubled at the popularity of the notion that America, or Western Civ in any way warranted, cultivated, or deserved an attack on our civilian population. Let's get that one right: these are people that are threatened by clit clanking and they'd nuke the entire contiguous 48 to stop it if they could. I did a benefit for RAWA and it's not widely publicized but central to Taliban policy was "female circumcision" the removal of clitoris at or near girl-babies' births. These are not nice people.
Lisa, I screwed up and lost your email address. Email me at dpw_1999@email.com. We went out in NYC and all, remember?
I'm at lisaccarver@aol.com
lisa you're always the best. i might love you more than the guy i fell for on 9/9 and again on 9/16
The terror of 9/11 changed everything else, so why not sexual matters (and how would it be possible for it NOT to have changed them?)...this is what's so great about Nerve, it can take a moonless midnite and turn it into a chick flick, ever mindful of realities over mere possibilities. Nice work!
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