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November 5, 2001
Grab a pen and paper. What's the most you've ever spent on sex? You could arrive at your figure by adding up the expenses of the date(s) leading up to it, or your outfit, or the sexual apparatus used, or the travel to the object of your affection, or the sex itself (if you went to a prostitute). Or maybe you'd include the aftermath: What is the cost of a lifetime of herpes? Hopefully your story is sweet, but sometimes the deeper your heart is opened, all the better to infect you with.
I never buy anything in my normal life. I'm one of those people who will wipe off tinfoil if it's not too gross and re-use it to cover some other food. But for a date I'll spend hundreds. I like to pretend I don't even notice how much money is dripping out of my pocket all night long, but really I'm counting every penny and gloating over my unfettered generosity. What a fake!
Probably the biggest love-spender of all was Shah Jahan, who built the Taj Mahal for thirty-two million rupees in his wife's honor when she died mid-seventeenth century. Even though he had three other wives, he really loved this one. Built entirely of white ivory, it was supposed to represent Woman, with courtyards that looked like vaginas or wombs or heavily made-up eyes. Jahan's son went on to depose his father and lock him up for the rest of his life in one of the vagina towers! None of the participants in this week's poll has the Shah's budget, but if they did, I bet some of them would spend it all on a skyscraping sex organ in the name of love.
©2001
Lisa Carver and Nerve.com, Inc.
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Commentarium (40 Comments)
This format is nice and all, but the only really interesting part is that written by Lisa herself.
Lisa,
I'm surprised at your unabashed lack of historical accuracy. Shah Jahan did indeed built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife, spending roughly 35 million rupees on it, and was later deposed for bankrupting the national treasury. He was imprisoned in the Red Fort, just down the river from the Taj Mahal, his room equipped with a tiny window that looked out on only one thing, you guessed it, the very building that was his undoing.
The Taj Mahal was not built out of ivory but stone, inlaid with semi-precious stones in delicate traceries. This lovely white stone remains remarkably cool to the touch, and even more remarkably, produces one of the most beautiful echoes I've ever heard in my life.
I will agree with you, that the Taj Mahal is certainly one of the most grandiose displays of "love," but were you aware that the original plan was to build duplicate structure across the river in black stone, connected by a bridge, as the resting place of the Shah himself? With that in mind, I believe it tempers the romance of the Taj. Not by making it any less beautiful in it's own right, but by allowing us to better understand the man that brought it about.
MGL, I'm a dreamer. Maybe I WANTED him to be locked in the vagina tower so bad I overlooked the fact that he was only LOOKING at it. The rest of it, though, architecture digests say I'm right and MGL is wrong! But who are you going to believe, a digest or yourself? MGL, I don't want to blow your mind up. Hey, what's the most YOU ever spent? You too, first feedbacker, Mr. Nobody In The Whole World Has Anything Interesting To Say But LCC. (What a terrible responsibility that would be if it were true!)
Don't worry your little head about it, Lisa. IT'S NOT TRUE!!You haven't had anything interesting to say for so long that you probably never did.
1.2 million USD,
i was seeing a perosn who said i should be more stable,
so instead of jetitng off living out of hotels etc etc
i counted my pennies and bought a house in New York,.
i thought shed move in nookie on a more regular basis,.it all work out ,...so i thought,
she moved to mexico,...but on the upside we are still seeing each other,.the downside,.i decided to get new toys renovate and so on,...i cant find the dam contracter,.(he went,."poof"
No Initials, how gauche! Someone tells me I'm the only interesting one, I say of course that's not true and wouldn't it be unfortunate if it was, and you jump in to announce, "Yeah, it's NOT true, because you're REALLY DUMB AND BORING." Manners are a reflection of the soul.
A fucked up internet "relationship": Absolutly the most money spent for sex was 4 months of time, $3500.00 on long distance calls to the UK having phone sex and "get to know" you conversation. Then the final $1000.00 for a flight to London. Only to be told at the end of the four day visit that she had been having a similar situation online with ANOTHER person. Bloody Brit and the idiot lovesick American. She wasn't even goodlooking!!
Manners are a reflection of the soul??????? Are you kidding? What about all of those quiet, well-mannered serial killers? This column keeps getting stupider and stupider.
It's a misperception that violent criminals are well-mannered. I think you saw a TV show on Ted Bundy that says he was charming. Charm is not manners. My favorite book right now is Why They Kill: The Discoveries of a Maverick Criminologist by Richard Rhodes. It's about Lonnie Athens.
Yo Lisa;
You got some facts wrong with The TajMahal. Its built of white marble, not ivory. I doubt Ivory is strong enough for building. In any case he would have to kill all the male elephants in India. Also the courtyards are not shaped as vaginas or anything like that. The Mughals were muslims and did not have liberal views like the ancient Hindus. Shah Jahan's son Aurangazeb imprisoned him in the nearby Agra fort. He could gaze at the Taj from his window. Shah Jahan wanted to make a masoleum for himself across the river out of Black Marble. But his son did not think he was worth the expense.
Your friendly neighborhood Indian (from Cambridge)
Kapitankool@hotmail.com
My brother gave me a hundred bucks to take my girlfriend to Al Forno's, the finest restaurant in Providence RI. My girlfriend went to school in Philadelphia, so we didn't get to see each other much, and this date was a pretty big deal. I ordered the wine, being all suave-like, but the wine list at Al Forno's is very wide, and there are no lines to connect the wine name with the price. So instead of ordering the cheapest Beaujolais on the list ($35), I read the list wrong and ordered one of the most expensive (closer to $120). Whoops.
It was a wonderful meal, and it made me realize how much I loved her. I loved her so much that I couldn't lie about the fact that I had cheated on her a month before. She demanded that I drive her back to Philadelphia, go to a movie alone while she spent time with her friends, and stay the night since it was too late for me to drive back to Providence. I came back from the movie before she came back from a party. When she came back, she was drunk and horny, and told me to pleasure her orally. She loved it, and it was gratifying to me, also: I felt like crap for cheating on her, and her loud orgasm made me feel like I wasn't completely useless to her. 2 years later, our relationship is good, but I think deep down she's still pretty hurt that I slept with someone else.
So the total cost was:
Tremendously romantic dinner: $225
Gas from Providence to Philadelphia: $30
Dinner and movie for me, while I was exiled: $13
Her unwavering trust in my fidelity: priceless
The fact that the movie was Battlefield Earth: that pretty much sucked, too.
First of all: let's give artistic license on the marble/ivory debate. I thought it was funny how she just took the story and made it her own. hello, people, have you ever read any of Lisa's interviews? humor precludes truth in the Lisa world. Now, the no-namers reek of LM or NM or whatever that ridiculous person who likes to rant in here goes by. I do agree on one small point that we all want more Lisa, but the stories of others were cute. But really, what is the point of the debate? It's a freakin story told by a writer/lisa/humorist.
I'd say... about 5 years off of my life was the most I've paid for sex. It's so easy for women, pick a guy at a bar who's attractive, looks like he'd be good at "it" and disease-free, buy him a drink, ask him, "couldn't we go over to your place?" and make sure you have car-fare home. How many times has a man uttered, "I'm not that kind of a boy?!?" When a guytried one of these tawdry pick-ups, we usually end up with transvestites, girls who looked way better in barroom light, those who can't screw, or super psychos, the worst of whom think we actually want a LTR from out impulsive proposition.
Approximately $85,000 over two years. No Joke. My wife and I started taking courses with a group of sensual researchers in San Francisco. We took their most expensive courses ($19,000 a piece) on expanding our sexual prowess and ability to produce superior orgasm.
Was it worth it?
Hell yes. Cause, we had to learn to become friends before we could have great sex and that to me is priceless. And now we have 50 years to practice.
Last time I was in Europe I was with my favorite prostitute in Amsterdam three times. 400 guilders each time, about 500 bucks total in U.S. dollars. She was a total sex goddess, worth every cent she charged. So were most of the other RLD hookers I was with. They're the only women I'd ever think about spending money on.
LCC,
Thank you so much for your comments. I too am a dreamer, and I could think of many worse places to be than locked in a vagina tower. I should have predicated my feedback by saying that the Taj is the most beautiful structure I've ever beheld, aside from my wife and son. The subject for this article is more than worthy of discussion and an interesting way to examine our views on sex and power, a relationship that has always fascinated me. Indeed, it compelled me to interrupt my day to comment upon it. I just found it odd that a writer such as yourself would be false in a piece that seemed to be about honesty; thus I concluded that you had made a simple error.
I myself am an expert of neither Indian history nor culture but don
Beautiful, MGL. For some reason LLC has a claque that dosen't hold her accountable for anything. If it's a factual error, well, she's a dreamer and we aren't supposed to take anything she says seriously in the first place. If it's sloppy writing, there is another excuse for that. After she called you out for being wrong and her architecture digests right, it was a pleasure to read your coherent reply. But wait. She will tell you it was all just a put on. LLC is the queen of excuses.
ERL, of COURSE it was a put-on. I was joking with him, because OBVIOUSLY he's the expert on this subject. It's not that my sense of humor is so mature you didn't get it -- it's just that I do have a sense of funniness. Me being corrected on all those details reminded me of ... let's say I'm teaching middle school, and my seventh grade creative writing student hands me a paper about how he and his girlfriend are just like Dostoyevsky and Anna. Now let's say there's passion and imagination and a little self-agrandizing in his paper, along with several factual errors. Now let's say I am as obsessed with Dostoyevsky as middle-schooler is with himself and his girlfriend, and every date and title is significant to me, and I correct and rewrite wherever the kid got it "wrong." Now the kid and I were not writing about the same thing at all. The kid was writing about himself, about being his age, about having ideas bigger than his young brain is capable of stretching to. My relationship to Dostoyevsky, as a scholar, is much more sophisticated. But for the kid and the teacher to get in an argument over the facts of something that is actually two things -- that just strikes me as funny. For the kid to re-correct the teacher when OBVIOUSLY the teacher is right, that's funny. I was using the story of the Taj Mahal and not being true to all the facts because I wasn't writing about the Taj Mahal. I was writing about an idea bigger than I'm capable of getting. That, to me, is exciting. If you think I'm just being slippery, well then I think you're just being dry. This letter is aimed at ERL only, and not at those who corrected my mistakes -- I am grateful to them for the interesting details and I respect them for their love of something that is different from my love for it (since I'm so solipsistic and whatever I love is me loving me).
id say when i spent $32 for a room at the sf hottubs then $80 for sex. thats about the right figure with a provider and way less than spending on a girlfriend and possibly not getting anything
I've never had the opportunity to pay for sex with a guy but if I had enough bucks and the courage I would definately pay to get spanked and then fucked. Probably big bucks and a generous tip would be given if I got an orgasm. The thought of this is enough to get me going!
I once Paid $500.00 to participate in a hot, nasty orgy. But I chicken-out at the last minute - DOH!
The most I have ever paid for sex would have to be about $600... A great dildo, a leather strap-on, and a bed big enough to play on! If I had the money, I could see spending plenty more on gear...
Seven years of life for the most beautiful ass in the world
without too much thought and not getting into the "divorce" thing ($$court,lawyer,Hitman..just a thought)I was in a $300 rented car heading to Vegas out of LA. She was sitting next to me and makinfg driving way too difficult. Crossed the dbl. line..$110 fine...Got to the MGM another $200. She stood there in the lobby and began to take of her top"Too Hot". Security threw us out. Cheapest "clean" room another$100 or so and then the luck gods really went away, she met her ex and I was there ,things got loud, bail was$300 and I left her there with him. But the good news was they got married and she made his life HELL!!
How about $134,400 over the next 15 years? I had a relationschip for about 2 yrs with a very nice woman. We ended up with two kids out of this relationship. Unfortunatley we found out it wouldn't work between us. I love the kids though and am happy to pay the child support for them. Relationship and fucking can be fun but be careful (we weren't - obviously) and it's been a very expensive way to have sex.
4 years of my life, her heart, and the occasional $300... I was in the "until something better comes along" mode. 4 years fucking her (God the sex was good), arguing and fighting, cussing and mercilessly insulting each other, and promising marriage. After every argument I'd want to fuck someone else, sometimes I did, after every fuck (with her or not), I'd want to marry her. She always found out and so we fought again and then I fucked again, and then we fucked again, and the we finally broke up and so, it cost us both: 4 years, her heart and trust, random drinks, dates, and hotel rooms with other women, and the occasional trip to an "Asian Spa".
CMC: I think I'm in love with that girl that gave everyone such a hard time! What's her phone number?
Until last March, I never explicitly "paid" for sex, although the money I've spent on dinners, movies, flowers, medical examinations, etc. could probably be considered indirect transactions in the hopes of doing the nasty. No, the only time I engaged in a transaction where the first party (me) exchanged currency to the second party for the sole expressed consent and intent of sex in return, was in Bangkok, Thailand for what amounted to about 20.00 USD for the entire night (on two separate occasions). If you factor in travel expense, room, and board for myself, the cost incurred probably runs in excess of $1500.00 USD. However, indulging in the skin trade was not my reason for visiting that beautiful country. It was simply a case of "when in Rome..." And, yes, it was worth it.
I live in Pennsylvania and it takes two years to get an uncontested divorce. I'll drop you an e-mail in a year and I'll let you know what the damages are!!!
P.S. I'm back in the 'saddle' again but want to stay single and so does my lover.
I have been to several legal prostitutes in the State af Nevada. I never spend over $200. they always try to encourage a better wage but that's my limit.
With a real life date I've spent well over a thousand dollars on the night of consumation, you know that's the night that you consume it. It could always be less. The decision is made well before the date that this will be the night. I will buy a suit, a brim hat, Play and restaurant, $9 for a viagra, and hope that memories are made.
Am I a hopeless romantic? Fuck I hope not...
Bamboo
It has been one year, this month, since i last had sex. I expressed about one month ago to a friend that my solution would be to pay for sex. As i am not in the mood to cope with relationship hassles, i imagine that would be the simplest way to accomplish a completely unfettered sexual encounter, with, hopefully, an attractive man. He proclaimed i was crazy because i'm a woman and a woman NEVER EVER needs to pay for sex. I relinquished the thought.
Tonight, I experienced a bang --- a car accident on the freeway. It was a domino effect in which eight cars were hit and only mine totalled. Fortunately, I wasn't hurt. But once I lifted my head from the air bag, i realized... i could have died and i still haven't fucked. Yes, it is definetly time to pay for a real bang. Except, now, newly carless, i have no money.
Lisa Carver: Why are you farming out the writing chores to the general public instead of doing them yourself? Just asking.
I paid with my freedom, I married her.
the price i've had to pay for sex is alot of confusion and the inability to tell people, especially my friends what i did.I am fucked up, literally. I remember being felt up by some guy and a time when a guy ask me to do it for a reward of peanuts. However, i wish i could tell people about what happened when i was around 10, i was hanging around my brother, a couple of friends and their brother, who was 8. In a wierd moment me and my friends bro started getting all heated up and we raced to my bros room to do it (at that time i thought it meant sticking an inch in.) i am not sure my bro knows but my friend sure does, she tried to tell people but who'ld believe that.
If manners are a reflection of the soul, what does it say about your soul that didn't answer a simple and direct question? I've noticed that several feedbackers have commented that they would like to have more of your writing.So I asked why you are writing less these days. I think there is interest in the answer to this question and the dignity of a reply would have been appreciated.
ARB: I explained longly in the final diary entry why I was going to be doing more about people other than myself and my immediate encounters, at least in half of the Lisa Files. Then I re-explained in an earlier feedback section. It's a rare opportunity to keep asking an author why she's doing what she's doing and have her keep answering. Normally, if I don't like someone's column, I just stop reading.
I definitely see your point. I didn't see your earlier responses. I will look for them. Thanks for the reply.
this wasn't explicitly for sex, though sex did sometimes happen. about $45,000 over two years for the nefarious purpose of getting a greencard (i got it). she had amazing breasts, and alas i never did get to see them as much as i wanted to. now - i'd just like to find an honest woman, not someone who will date you, but are always looking for someone like a JFK junior, like it seems, all of available women in manhattan are doing. are there no witty, no-BS, cute american gals that like cute, funny, successful english boys? sheesh!
I'd popped into my sister's, unannounced. Present, and about to fly to Switzerland to be a cook for a wealthy widow, was X, who presented a refreshingly flirtatious and pulchritudinous specter. I told her my upcoming flight to Turkey passed through Zurich and joked that we should do lunch. She de facto invited me to come and visit with her to ski, party, the whole shebang -- knowing me no more than 5 min. I flew to Turkey, cutting a three-week vacation in half, the second portion being re-routed to Klosters, the ski resort of the stars where she worked. It was pure fairy tale: arrival on train during the final hour of a 3-week-long feather-flaked snowstorm; she waiting, looking as tasty as when we'd met; instant presence of necessary chemistry; the good news, "Madame Y has invited you to stay in her spacious guest room"; the house, an enormous gingerbread chalet you could ski home to; pre-incurable-STD-condom-free sex that got better with each passing minute; and late nights spent with generous coke-addled zillionaires in cozy piano lofts. I left about $5 G's Canadian poorer, but felt I'd sampled an experience as lusty and sophisticated as any royal family member or rock star could ever hope to enjoy. Many months later, it ended horrifically -- in Toronto's airport -- but I'd lived too well to harbour any lasting ill will.
lucky bastard that erin hosiers boyfriend. a woman who appreciates the luxuriousness of sexiness and ultra-girliness and has the money to do it with!!!!!!!! and she looks gorgeous! i would definetly lay down with her. and i'm a heterosexual female.
Now you say something