The Lisa Files: Talkin’ Trash

Pin it


Before Pamela and Tommy Lee, there was the Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly wedding-night video. Tonya did what was supposed to be a striptease, but all she did was take off her wedding dress. That was it! It took about ten seconds. Then they “did it,” and it was just, you know, thump-thump-thump. Jeff had a really big thing.


Tonya Harding grew up in trailers, has facial features reminiscent of a bleached rat and resorts to violence. She’s quintessential white trash. And her sexuality represents trash sex perfectly as well: quick, hard and plain. It’s not good sex — that would require self-control and self-awareness — but there’s a lot of it. What white-trash sex lacks in finesse, it makes up for in sheer volume and enthusiasm. (And then there’s the fact that every time you get out of jail, you are so-o-o horny.)


The new site White Hot Trash, launched this month, does not showcase the Harding variety of trash, but rather, as site-founder and main model Gus T. Williker describes, the “going-to-Vegas, drinking-a-lot, and souping-up-your-hot-rod kind of trash. The people who listen to Eddie Cochran or Elvis and go to country shows or rockabilly shows.” The white trash who wear black — in the form of zebra stripes and cheetah spots — as well as, in Gus’s case, the occasional blue ruffled panties. (“I’m trying to expand the genre,” Gus explains.)

How did you get Stacy Burke [one of Hugh Hefner’s seven girlfriends] to do a photo shoot with you?

Stacy is a friend of mine. She’s a real sweetie, but she’s into some wild things — tying up her boobs and all that.

When you’re Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend, do you still have to work, or is being his girlfriend your job?

Photo by Teresa Faye Hill.

She still does all of her side stuff. She lives at the mansion but still has her apartment in Long Beach. I don’t think you can comfortably retire just from being his girlfriend. Maybe you can if you’re in the one, two, or three slot but she’s number six.

As I click through your gallery, I note that your gut is either growing or shrinking. Which is it?

Well, this is a trade secret, but the photographer in one shoot told me to push out my gut for a little more white trash authenticity. I do have vanity about my figure, but I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. That’s the responsibility of a model.

Is that your natural chest hair pattern?

Yes. And it used to be more pronounced. When I was twenty-five, it was exactly an “X.” I don’t touch it or shave it into that shape. I think it’s a sign from God that I was meant to be a model.

In the photo where the possum with the baby is covering your genitalia, is the baby supposed to symbolize something in particular?

Like a great song, my photos are open to interpretation. But I was kind of going for the animal gang-bang thing.

Oh, but mother and child animal  . . . eww.

Photo by Octavio Arizala.

Hey, I’m white trash. You take what you can get.

How do you picture people reacting to your photos? Do you imagine them masturbating?

I’m hoping that there are people out there pleasuring themselves to my images, because a lot of hard work went into them. Hard  . . . work.

Have you ever?

To tell you the honest truth, there are some of my photos I look at and I think it’s a slippery slope. With this whole modeling thing, you start to adore yourself. I’ve stared at my images and felt funny feelings. What did you think of “The Hubcap Hide”?

Where you’re naked but for the hubcap balanced between your legs? That was pretty good. Myself, I am always in favor of the naked penis. I know you’re trying to do the sly cheesecake thing, but there’s just not enough penises out there. You know The Vagina Monologues? I think they should have penis-logues. But they shouldn’t be talking about their penises, they should just be taking them out.

I think with nudity, the longer you hold out, the greater the mystique, and then you never know for how much you could cash in. If I started waving the wiener around now, it’s over. You know what I’m saying?

You got a long-range plan. You know those tests where they offer a kid one marshmallow and say, “If you don’t eat this right away, you can have two marshmallows?” I’m definitely an eat-the-one-marshmallow-NOW kind of person. I have no long-range abilities.

Well, you know what? You’re going to have to wait for my penis.

Are you gay?

If you’re a public figure, and you come out and say, “I’m gay,” you’re cutting off fifty-one percent of your potential audience, as far as them having lustful thoughts about you.

Photo by Octavio Arizala.

Oh, nonsense. The women love the gay men. We love a challenge. How many hits do you get a day?

My record so far is 366 unique visitors.

My first husband has a site with about 80,000 visitors, and 40,000 of those visits are from him, looking at his own site!

I do that too. I am my biggest fan.

Have you ever gotten lucky through modeling or through the site?

Scored babes? I certainly have suitors, there’s no doubt about that. I have a Yahoo! club, and there are a number of lustful women and men pursuing me. Some of whom are apparently straight men just wanting to be friends. The gay profiles are usually quite obvious because their profile photo is  . . . is a cock. It’s a dead giveaway.

Have you ever been tempted to take an admirer up on their offer?

I’m tempted on a daily basis. There’s a lot of candy out there.

But you haven’t yet.

Gus with Carina Acevedo, model. Photo by Octavio Arizala.

No, I’m locking arms with my sister Britney in our fight against the insane sex and lust mania in this world. I think we’re going to stay virgins together — if we hold on to each other tight. And, you know, Justin Timberlake — he’s full of shit. He’s a rat bastard and a prick.

Because he left her for that dancer?

No, because he’s saying they did it.

Oh! Why would he say something so hurtful?

Because he’s a jerk.

That is a jerk thing to do! He knows about image.

He knows she’s cashing in on these little boys’ fantasies about deflowering her.

I don’t think they’re little boys, the ones having those fantasies. When did he say this? This is outrageous. This is changing my opinion about Justin.

Slightly unconfirmed, but they say he said in an interview: “She’s not a virgin and I should know.” I had once considered doing a modeling shoot with him, but that’s over.

Good for you! Stand up for your principles. What is your opinion of the Tonya Harding/Jeff Gillooly sex video?

Photo by Houseboy.

I saw Tonya Harding on some E! True Hollywood Story. She was trying to repair her persona. They asked her why she got divorced, and she said, “Well, my husband was tickling me early in the morning, and I said, ‘Honey, I haven’t had my morning coffee yet. You better cut that out, or I’m gonna take you down by the nuts.’ And he kept on tickling me, so I did it.” And then they got divorced. And immediately following that revelation, she’s bemoaning her reputation and how she’s been portrayed in the media. And I’m like, “Your husband tickles you and you force him to the ground by twisting his nuts?”

I’m on the other side of the fence on this issue. After you tell someone to stop tickling, and they know how you are about your coffee  . . .
that guy was asking for it. What do you think of — not the glam trash — the ones who, you know, really beat their wives, and then their wives beat them  . . .
do you think those ones pose nude for each other?

Well, there is the bear phenomenon. There is a magazine called Grizzly Bear and some of the guys in there are pretty white trash — big ole beer bellies and all hairy.

But they’re gay.

Yeah. They’re truckers. Oh, you’re saying heterosexuals?

The trash I’m talking about, I think the normal five or ten percent of that population must be gay too, but they have sex with women anyway. They just don’t like it. They have to get really, really drunk to do it, and that’s where all the problems come from. Plus white trash tend to get hot — again I attribute this to the warming effect of the booze — so they wear less clothes than the rest of the population, making nude photos more likely.

Right. You have the very large woman with the tiny little top on. One little drunken stumble and that thing pops right off, and you’re naked.

Photo by Houseboy.

I know two different women who woke up with no shirt on in the bushes. Totally unrelated incidents. Or, right now, I’m eight-and-a-half months pregnant and barefoot. I’m too hot to have shoes or socks on. [whispering] Hot feet!

Wow … uh … I, I’m not familiar with that phenomenon. But at some point, men just accept whatever women say about the side effects. Because if they say, “Is that really happening?” the woman will say, “What? You’re asking if that’s really happening?! Oh!”

Okay, Gus, I’m going to let you go now, to finish your beer and your pedicure.


Lisa Carver is the author of the books Dancing Queen, Rollerderby, The Lisa Diaries and Drugs Are Nice. She’s written for Hustler, Index, Icon, Feed, Newsday and Playboy, among others. She lives in New Hampshire.

Lisa Carver and, Inc.