Dating Confessions by You "I'm wearing sexy underwear while talking to you online so that I feel confident enough to tell you that I'm into you."
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The Remote Island by Bryan Christian Michael Phelps indulges Anderson Cooper in some watersports and Dexter makes a 'bitch move.' Plus: the secret of Tina Fey's scar, revealed!
Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.
Dear
Miss Information,
My money shots are wildly inconsistent. Sometimes I deliver a powerful
load, while other times the semen barely dribbles out of my cock. Is there anything
I can do to shoot further more consistently and deliver maximum volume? — Comefused
promotion
Dear Comefused,
You know those "As Seen on TV" ads where a guy goes from
Horatio Sanz to Usher just by swallowing some non-FDA-approved pills? At the
bottom right in minuscule print you'll find the words, Your results may vary.
The same holds true each time you orgasm. Variations in speed, volume and texture
are all to be expected. That said, if your semen is bright blue and you're not
a Smurf, it's time to see a doctor.
The following are tips for giving your next load
a higher rate of return. Keep in mind that if you're an older investor, you might not have as much success. Sperm production tends
to depreciate over time (just like this metaphor). Wait. Then wait some more. It's all about the
set-up, says gay porn star Michael Lucas: "Make
your foreplay last longer. The longer you hold off on coming, the more you will
produce. Get as aroused as possible. Use your imagination." How much ya bench? The muscle set responsible
for spring-loaded ejaculation can be built up through exercise. Google "Kegel
exercises for men" and you'll find all you need to know to get pumped up
below the belt. The best part? You can do a dick workout sitting in traffic and
no one knows. Keith Richards is not a role model. Make sure
you're eating good stuff, getting enough liquids and exercising. Taking a multivitamin
and a zinc supplement wouldn't hurt either — these have been said to increase volume
but the jury is still out on whether it works. Finally, steer clear of those sketchy supplements
hanging by the beef jerky at the convenience store. Those are scary and unregulated.
Dear
Miss Information,
I've been involved with my girlfriend for five months.
Other than a very brief relationship four years ago, I haven't had sex
in ten years. I've always regarded it as something to reserve for someone you
love, and though my new girlfriend and I have talked about sleeping together, I still have
reservations. Am I stunting my sexuality? — Milkman
Dear Milkman,
Are you abstaining from sex because you want to, or are
you abstaining from sex because you think it's going to protect you from getting
hurt? You can remain celibate forever, but some woman, somehow, somewhere may
still fuck you over. Statistically speaking, her name will probably be Jennifer.
So here's what you do, Milkman. You get in a relationship.
You make the best judgments you can based on the information you have at the
time. The rest is up to the winds that blow. If I were you, I'd strongly consider
moving forward with this woman. You're older. You care for her, and you're in a committed relationship.
This "missing out" stuff is the only showstopper. Sexual maturity doesn't
come from having a vast number of partners. (Just ask Denise Richards how she
feels about Charlie Sheen.) It's how we treat our lovers and what we learn about
our bodies in the process that make for true sexual development.
Continue to talk to your patient lady about your worries.
Then, when you feel you're ready, shut up and bang her eight ways from Sunday.
I bet you won't regret it.
Dear
Miss Information,
My boyfriend and I have been together seven months and
engaged for almost as long. A couple days ago, I began having serious doubts
about our relationship.
The very thought of marriage gives me an anxiety attack. I spoke with him about
it, and he says I'm still traumatized by my last relationship. I love him and
don't want to push him away, but that seems like the only way to stop the panic.
Should I walk down the aisle or walk away? — Not Quite a Runaway Bride
Dear Not Quite a Runaway Bride,
What you're describing goes way beyond a normal premarital
freakout. If I were you, I'd listen to my body. Your brain may be a web of psychological
nuance, but your gut is a better communicator.
Right now it's crying, "Stop!" and hitting you over the head with an
aluminum bat. It's in your best interest to listen.
I can't tell you whether to call off the wedding, but I do
think it would be a good idea to apply the brakes until you determine what's
making you want to flee the room (other than the thought of picking out a bridesmaid
dress). You're not pushing him away. You're creating breathing room so you can
get a more balanced perspective. Panic and rational thought have never been the
best of friends.
As much as possible, I want you to stop going to your
fiancé for advice. I know it's
natural to turn to him for reassurance, but he can't help with this one. Instead, pull out your childhood blankie (Febreze
it first), find a therapist or talk to a friend. Your boyfriend loves you and
is going to do and say everything in his power to keep the relationship going.
While sweet and honorable, it doesn't make him the most objective listener. The
only voice that matters here is yours. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
I know way too many divorced couples who wish they had trusted their instincts
before they got married.
n°
, featuring curious yet marvelous infusions of cucumber and rose petal.
