Male • 23 years old • Tohoku, Japan

After sumo wrestling (I was teaching English abroad), we all went to a bar. One kind of sketchy girl with a guy who was not her boyfriend asked me for my number completely out of the blue; obviously I gave it to her and got hers as well. We didn't talk the rest of the time.

Monday, she leaves me a message, I call her back, we talk a little bit, apparently she's twenty-eight and lives with her family on a farm, speaks great English. She volunteers to drive out to meet me and stay over that night; I was completely taken aback and made some excuse, as at the very least I wanted some time to think about this — although even then I could hear my roommate's voice in my ear, gleefully saying, "Do I even need to tell you what to do in this situation? STICK — IT — IN!" The next day, she called me three times and

Illustration by Thomas Pitilli

I was too sketched out to pick up or to call her back.

Wednesday night, after a conversation with my old friend Eightball, I decided that I might not have another opportunity like this for a long time, so I gave her a call, and she volunteered again to come over again that very night. This time I took her up on it. She came over, we hung out for a bit, watched an episode of The Critic. (She requested it when she saw the DVD lying around, and was so into it that she refused to start making out until the closing credits, and moreover watched about half an episode the next morning while I was getting ready for work.)

Anyway, we started making out after that and, well, one thing led to another and, some time later, I stuck it in. I don't think I did particularly well but, whatever, it was still awesome. And the next day I awoke happier, wiser, and with a very big monkey off my back, much like Steve Young after Super Bowl XXIX.

Send us your first time story! Email firsttime@nerve.com with 300-800 words about the first time you had sex. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited, especially if you go all Wonder Years on us. Thanks!

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5 Comments

These are so boring.

IB commented on 06/16

There is something about these that I love. They just seem...authentic. Even the bad jokes and writing make them seem more authentic. Also, are Japanese women easy?

hg commented on 06/16

I think every one's first time is a story to be told, however "boring" one thinks it is. Everyone remembers their first time because of the random and awkward chain of events that lead up to it, and the refreshing and enlightening feeling after it happens (hopefully!)

BM commented on 06/17

Mr. Sketchy keeps contradicting himself. He's shocked when a "sketchy," whatever that is, girl asks for his number, and then he "obviously" gives it to her. Why is that so obvious? Oh, that's right, he's an uptight 23-year-old virgin. He's taken aback when she suggests spending the night, and then decides it would be a good idea because his roommate said so. Maybe he should be sticking it in his roommate. Then he finally awakes the next morning, happy and wise, but he still despises the sketchy girl who made him feel so sketched out, whatever that is.

BG commented on 07/01

What is with the commenters here? Obviously by far the most bizarre thing about this odd tale is that the girl in question insisted on watching "The Critic" before the sex happened, and even half an episode the following morning. Is this the short-lived Jon Lovitz animated comedy? That is such an odd detail that I would have to assume this story is true.

JBC commented on 01/26

 

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