My First Time, by You

Male • 17 years old • Massachusetts

It was my junior year of high school and my parents were out of town. A bunch of friends came over that afternoon, including one girl I'd always thought was cute. She and I hung out a lot, but it was always in a group, always firmly in the friend-zone. That day we all smoked weed, and we dipped into my parents' liquor cabinet as the night wore on. I remember vodka shots, though things get hazy after that. I had a turntable and a bunch of vinyl records in my room upstairs, and this girl said she wanted me to play some music for her. Oddly, I think she wanted me to play one of the classical records, although our group was mostly into hip-hop at the time.

Illustration by Thomas Pitilli

So, we went upstairs. Crazily enough, at this point, I had never actually kissed a girl. I was Michael Cera, just a skinny, nervous mumbling dude when actually one-on-one with a lady. But that night, all the vodka and weed and music somehow made me loose and uninhibited. I was feeling warm and confident (what I'd later recognize as the perfect state of drunkeness). I put a record on and we sat down on my bed. I leaned in for a kiss. I honestly would have been happy just to get that first over with, but things kept going.

It wasn't long before we had stripped down to our underwear. ("Dude," I kept thinking. "Dude.") Then — amazingly — she went down on me. I went down on her, pretending I knew what the hell I was doing (thank God for pornos). I couldn't believe it, but eventually we got to the point of wondering who had a condom. That would be: neither of us. I don't know how or why I came up with this idea so soon, but I immediately suggested that we try anal sex. And she agreed. I ran to the bathroom to grab some Vaseline. Where this "expertise" came from — considering that only half an hour ago, I had never even kissed a girl — I don't really know. We tried anal for a bit, which I count as the loss of my virginity. I didn't have anything to compare it to, but she wasn't enjoying it, so we stopped.

I wonder whether technically this counts as losing my virginity. Does virginity have to be vaginal sex? Does penetration suffice? Does there need to be climax as well? Whatever the definition, in my mind this night takes the prize.

We're looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email firsttime@nerve.com with 500-1000 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.

Female • 17 years old • Germany

""After our breakup, I escaped my feelings by going to Germany...""

Female • 17 years old • Dakotas

"I don't drink, I'm friends with my parents, I go to debate camp all summer. I'm going to lose my virginity tonight..."

Female • 16 years old • Portland, OR

"It always amuses me to confess that I lost my virginity in a trailer..."

Comments ( 19 )

Dude, I would say that counts (though next time use a condom for anal, too.)

rem commented on Jun 23 09 at 12:29 pm

I think men and women just need penetration to qualify for losing their virginity. If a climax for a woman was a necessity, guys would all suffer needlessly.

ace commented on Jun 24 09 at 12:30 am

What about lesbians, though? That complicates the "just penetration" idea.

ls commented on Jun 23 09 at 5:10 pm

Not stoked that this was printed when the author actually admitted to having any kind of sex (anal or otherwise) WITHOUT protection. This is how ignorance, STDs and HIV/AIDS are spread. Not cool Nerve.

lr commented on Jun 23 09 at 8:30 pm

Oh for cryin' out loud. I read stories on Nerve for interesting glimpses into other peoples' lives and thought processes, not for safe sex hints. If no story was ever printed unless it featured smart behavior that was unlikely to hurt anyone emotionally or physically, and presented only good models for citizens of all ages, the tales would be a lot less human, amusing, and poignant. Lighten up, lr.

mpb commented on Jun 23 09 at 8:41 pm

Lr is totally right. First of all Nerve is printing uniformed, uninteresting material. I mean come on! Are we seriously having the 'do you need penetration for sex to count as sex' debate? I'm a junior in college and I don't know any one who would entertain that topic as worthy of actual debate. FOLKS: penis in vagina is not the only thing that counts as sex. Nerve obviously needs some people who actually know a thing or two about sex working for them. And not only that but they're passing off unsafe sex as a blase topic. Not every story needs to come with a 'use a condom' tagline mpb, but I suggest you and Nerve take a look at some statistics regarding escalating HIV rates among 13-19 year old men in the US. Seriously Nerve, I never thought I'd see the day that your 'exciting' and 'novel' sex information became on par with the crap they dish out in Cosmo magazine.

ecj commented on Jun 24 09 at 12:52 pm

correct me if i'm wrong, but this article isn't billed as any kind of sex information and it also wasn't written by nerve. this is a user submitted story about losing his virginity. he even cops to his own inexperience. take it as a point for discussion, yes. use it as an opportunity to think "damn it's a good thing people keep learning through their lives," absolutely. but lambast nerve for printing user-submitted stories that ring true? nah, i'll pass.

mjr commented on Jun 25 09 at 12:27 am

If that's being debated, it's by internet commentors, not Nerve. Strange passive aggressive comment. Go back to Gawker you angry junior in college.

ecj2 commented on Jun 24 09 at 3:09 pm

LR is 100% wrong. Advocating for safe sex is one thing (though safe-sex advocacy sometimes gets way too doctrinaire and reductive, IMHO). But suggesting that Nerve shouldn't print someone's firsthand memories because they include condomless sex? That's NUTS.

S.F. commented on Jun 24 09 at 3:41 pm

i think that technically at the time that his penis entered in any way a female or male given the case, counts as losing his virginity...now for the anal sex part, dude should ve used a condom...but lay off, as he clearly states in his story....he had NO experience

bac commented on Jun 28 09 at 2:28 am

Both parties were virgins, this is how STD's are spread. I see.

MJL commented on Jun 30 09 at 2:19 am

Yes, I put up the first comment, but I'd like to ammend it with the definition of "sex" that my friends and I used in college to be as inclusive as possible, "two or more people, one or more orgasms, and/or penetration." If you think about it, that should include all combinations.

rem commented on Jun 30 09 at 11:55 am

What a leap from a kiss, to a fumble & then to anal sex. Not a glorious first time. The fact that you both thought this was the best alternative to plain boring sex. I despair. Unprotected as well. The mind boggles. At least you can remember a kiss with a degree of fondness. Not sure about the other!

SWW commented on Jul 01 09 at 4:39 pm

I would love to talk to you about this, I'm in your boat. Email me at bkzfinest101@hotmail.com remindingg me who u r, so we can talk bro. Ok?

mh commented on Jul 12 09 at 10:14 pm

sex means penetration of the penis into the vagina..anal sex although called anal sex is not really intercourse..

G commented on Oct 16 09 at 12:46 am

DUDE... Bullshit.

AK commented on Oct 21 09 at 4:44 pm

You are full of shit

sam commented on Feb 09 10 at 11:17 pm

dont quote me on this, but ive read quite a few of these stories, and a majority of them dont ever mention putting on a condom.. they just arent as blunt as this story saying "we didnt use a condom." i dont understand why its such an issue now. we've all done stupid things when drunk, so i really dont think one should point fingers with dirty hands.

ap commented on Apr 08 10 at 1:35 pm

hahahahhahahaha.dude, are you serious??

lal commented on Sep 03 10 at 6:45 pm

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