Costume I.Q. Test Answer Key

1. Jame Gumb: Okay
But only if you've got something to tuck.

2. An STD: Not okay
Geez, people are trying to enjoy themselves. If you want to be socially responsible, go as Trojan Man.

3. Viagra Man: Not okay
Viagra is so five minutes ago. Instead, go as one of those abstinence-committed teenagers who carry around a celibacy card. However, to preserve the costume's authenticity, you probably shouldn't have sex that night.

4. Sex and the City cast: Not okay
That's not a costume, that's a lifestyle. But going as Sarah Jessica Parker in Girls Just Want to Have Fun or Kim Cattrall in Mannequin — now that's funny.

5. French maid: Not okay
Any irony-free costumes used as an excuse to liberate your inner slut are a no-no. Ban includes Playboy Bunny, '70s hooker, and Wonder Woman.

6. Hair on soap: Very okay
Anything concerning the short-and-curlies is always good for a cheap laugh.

7. Camilla Parker-Bowles' tampon: Not okay
But not because it's gross (abstract expressions of menstruation are always a hit at Halloween parties); it's not okay because it's way outdated, not to mention queerly Anglophilic.

8. Pedophile: Not okay, for obvious reasons
However, attaching cute pictures of kitten butts all over your bod and going as Kitty Porn is acceptable.

9. E.R. patient: Okay
Anything that spreads the message of anal pleasure and safety gets a big thumbs-up.

10. The man who mistook his hat for a wife: A-Okay!
It incorporates sex (and nudity perhaps) with a New Yorker-ish funny twist on an Oliver Sachs case — it's Nerve's wet dream of a costume.


If you got seven or more answers correct, your good taste and sense of humor should get you laid on the 31st. If you got anything less, chances are you'll get beaten up this Halloween.