If the government ever brings back Prohibition, parties will get so much better. See: Mame, Some Like it Hot, The Untouchables, Idlewild, Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle
If you're going to solve a murder, you either need lots of hard liquor or a ridiculous accent. Clearly, the liquor is the way to go. See: The Big Sleep, The Maltese Falcon, The Thin Man, Chinatown, Fargo, Murder She Said, Charlie Chan Carries On
Humphey Bogart only drinks because he cares. See: Casablanca, The African Queen, The Big Sleep
Drinking + cowboys + guns = less hilarious. See: Unforgiven
Warning: drinking to excess can result in hangovers, dehydration, marriage. See: How to Murder Your Wife, Mame, Laws of Attraction, Warm Summer Rain
Don't let Kim Basinger drink. See: Blind Date, 8 Mile, My Stepmother is an Alien
Do let Marilyn Monroe drink. See: The Seven Year Itch, Some Like it Hot, The Misfits
Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Unless those friends are conspiring to murder you. See: North by Northwest, The Postman Always Rings Twice
Always order Pinot. Do not drink any fucking Merlot. See: Sideways
There's no point being sober in a Santa suit. See: Bad Santa, Trading Places, The Ref
If your friend is really judgmental about your drinking habits, he or she is probably a far more entertaining drunk than you are. See: Old School, Can't Hardly Wait, 10 Things I Hate About You, Guys and Dolls
The important thing when making a cocktail is the rhythm. A Manhattan you shake to fox-trot time, a Bronx to two-step time, a dry martini you always shake to waltz time. See: The Thin Man
Did you ever try dunking a potato chip in champagne? It's crazy! See: The Seven Year Itch
Get drunk when you're fighting with someone and you'll end up standing outside their window, yelling their name. See: A Streetcar Named Desire, The Philadelphia Story
If a bartender lets you drink for free every night, he's probably a hallucination. See: The Shining
Going to catch a giant killer shark is a great occasion to get drunk. See: Jaws
No one delivers a monologue better than a half-crazy drunk guy. See: Network, Jaws, Dr. Strangelove
If a woman can out-drink the locals, she's a keeper. See: Raiders of the Lost Ark
Old-school James Bond: vodka martini, shaken not stirred. Twenty-first century James Bond: three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet, shaken over ice, with a thin slice of lemon peel. See: Casino Royale
Drunks are the happiest people alive. See: Any movie made before 1945.
