Dating Confessions by You "I think that tattoos are ridiculously trashy. I want another one though."
The Nerve Insider by Nicole Ankowski What's new in the Nerve universe. Today: What do hiccups and herpes have in common? Behind the scenes with Stuff Nobody Likes.
Taking time
out from touring, Liz whips out her sexual-adventure kit and
goes where no pop
star
has gone
before: into
the
Nerve mailbag,
to answer
reader questions about love, loss and inadequate lubrication.
Dear Liz: I have recently ended a fourteen-year relationship. (Actually,
my wife ended it; she decided to "work late," if you know what I mean.)
Anyway, it's time to get back in the game. What's your best advice for
moving forward?
Basically,
should I sleep with anyone whenever
possible, or be a little more selective? — Cuckolded in Cali
promotion
Cuckolded:
If you just got out of a long-term relationship, you might need to have some stupid little quickies, but that's not going to help you move on. Here's what will: instead of wasting all that energy sleeping with nondescript people, marshal your creative forces. I always think a breakup is the time to do the things you never quite had the energy to do. That's how I made this last record. There's no better time than feeling scorned to marshal your creative efforts or your business efforts. Inevitably, if you're successful, or if you're doing something that's exciting you, good people will be attracted to you.
If you want to go out and sleep with a couple of people just because,
go ahead. I think that's always good, because you will very quickly learn how
boring and depressing it is. So give it a shot. "Act out," if you will. Try
not to contract any diseases or really hurt anybody's feelings in the process.
Hi
Liz: I'm not a virgin and have been sexually active. My boyfriend
of two years has asked me to try anal sex with him. I'm intrigued, but I'm
also scared about the pain. Is this dirty or unhygienic? And if I overcome
my fears and agree to do this, what exactly do I do in terms of
making it pleasurable? — Donna
Okay, I have hardly had enough experience in this area, but I've had
a little bit. It's not dirty or weird; gay men
do it all the time. It can be painful, so go
slow, use lots of lube and
— this is essential — make sure you have an orgasm first.
Dear Liz:
Do you, or women in general, find a man with little sexual experience to be
sexy, or weird? Hypothetically, let's
just say he's
eighteen.— Hypothetically Brian
Brian:
Nothing repels me faster than a guy
who's got his moves down.
There are no moves that are just "moves." There are only your moves that
you learn to develop with the women that you love. Some people like that
whole, "I'm
more experienced than you," thing, but I think of that as some deeply
rooted
problem, like insecurity. I'm dating a younger man right now, but he's more than
my equal. And it's not an age thing. To me, "good in
bed" means that you're communicating. The interplay should be effortless.
You should be able to take your spirit to another dimension.
You want to
be lost in it.
Never underestimate your ability to hone in on her body and her reactions.
Slow down, take a long time and
explore. Women love it. Say, "I don't know what I'm doing yet, but I'm dying
to devour you between your legs." Touch her breasts, see how she reacts. The
body will tell you if you slow down and pay attention. Just be honest about
your experience level. Do not hold
off on the enthusiasm, but don't go jumping for anything.
Say you woke up from sleepwalking and you're in a bog. You
have to navigate the footing that will either sink you or
keep you standing. Get your bearings
and like test it out. Move slowly, and when you get better, then you can move
faster. Just show a lot of enthusiasm. And again, when I say enthusiasm,
I do not mean panting and screaming. That's scary.
Just be really into it. If she sees that you want to be with her, that's
exciting right there. And then, if she sees that you're going to be super-slow and discover what arouses her, she might discover stuff. You may uncover
things she doesn't even know about her body, which is even better than a guy
who thinks he already knows how to do it. You can learn things together.
The body will tell you, if you listen.
Dear Liz:
My wife
and I have talked frequently about having sex with another person,
man or woman. However, she always ducks out
of the topic when it looks like it could actually happen. We have several
friends we're interested in, and in a purely joking context we've agreed
that we might all have a fling. My question is, what are some safe ways we
could move from talking about this to acting on it?” — Plus One
It doesn't sound to me like your wife wants
to have group sex; it sounds to me like she's afraid of losing you. Here's
my question: why did you get married if you wanted to have sex with other people?
You should be
in a swinging relationship. I don't think
your wife is wrong to feel threatened by your desire to have sex with other
people or to see her have sex with other people. What's going on, I think,
is that you got married but didn't really understand what you were agreeing
to.
I think getting married kind of implies that you
don't want to have sex with other people. There's nothing wrong
with not being married. I think people get married too
quickly, for the wrong reasons. You have to be honest about who you are
and what you want. I think you've got bigger issues than whether she wants
to have a threesome. If you go down that route, you may break up your marriage,
so you better think about that.
Dear Liz:What songs or albums would you suggest
for sex? — Alan
Dear Alan:
I never listen to music when I have sex. Even
if the music were
on, I wouldn't hear it. That's just me.
n°
Liz
Phair's latest single, "Extraordinary," is at radio now. Click here
to buy the album. Click here for Liz's official website.
