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September 3, 2003
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 Lili Taylor In 1998's Girls Town, a thirty-year-old Taylor played a hard-ass seventeen year old with hairsprayed bangs, big overalls and doorknocker earrings, and she was far better than the hardass seventeen year old girls playing themselves. Since then she's been a vampire, Valerie Solanas, and a crazy babymama on Six Feet Under. Every time you see her, you're a little bit worried she's going to jump out on the screen and bite you on the face. Anyone who acts this well has to be crazy, and crazy is sexy. |
 Snoop Dogg You'd think this one didn't have to be pointed out, but then you never read or hear anything about how hot Snoop is. And he's witty. And then there's the porn: "With six original music videos and five scenes of raw, uncut and unbelievable backyard fucking, this video satisfies strokers and hip-hop fans alike." Snoop Dogg satisfies strokers and hip-hop fans alike. Who else can make that claim? |
 Sharon Osbourne Whether you can stand to watch The Osbournes or not (and I can, endlessly), you can't help loving her. She's funny, cute, swears a lot and is so sweet. She either reminds you of your real mom or you'd trade your real mom in for her in a second. But consider your motivations: do you really just want one of those loving pats on the cheek from her? |
 Peter Sellers In the Pink Panther movies, there was always one scene in which Inspector Clouseau found himself in some racy situation with a ridiculously beautiful lady. It was a joke. You were supposed to disbelieve that such a shlub could score like that. I never got that joke. |
 Abraham Lincoln Your sixth-grade American History textbook told you that he was homely. That was his thing. JFK was a sexy president. Lincoln? Homely. Bullshit. Abolition aside — and abolition is very sexy — Lincoln was gawky-scrawny-big-nosedly cute one hundred and fifty years before Adrian Brody even thought about trying it. |
 Sandra Bernhard The patron saint of unsexy-sexiness, except I never quite saw why. I'd be inclined to credit her with garden-variety sexiness: great body, filthy mouth, etc. etc. But she's got a big nose, so that confuses some people. For those who want to love Sandra Bernhard, but aren't sure if they're allowed to love someone with a big nose, let me clear something up for you. Sandra Bernhard? Sexy. |
 Prince Duh. He's a five-foot-tall guy with a pompadour and bullfighter outfits, flicking his tongue at you in serpentine and potentially repulsive ways. But it's actually pretty appealing. Maybe he doesn't make you want to do him, but he makes you want to do somebody. |
 Patti Smith In Late-'70s New York Punk for Dummies, Debbie Harry and Patti Smith are trotted out as a study in contrasts: one was unfathomably beautiful, singing melodic Blondie songs in a sweet voice; the other was dark and scruffy, shouting inaccessible things about cannibals. So is something wrong with that? Aside from being wicked hot (check out the cover of Horses), Patti has always been kind of loopy, what with thinking she's Rimbaud and everything. |
 Shane MacGowan If it's wrong to be strangely attracted to a man who lost all his teeth in bar fights and his mind to whiskey, and who is possibly the mangiest-looking person (barely) alive the guy got kicked off the POGUES for drinking too much, for chrissakes then I don't want to be right. Well, I do, but desperate, dilapidated songs like "The Old Main Drag" keep me coming back. |
 Ol' Dirty Bastard Or whatever his name is now. Osiris? Big Baby Jesus? Dirt McGirt? No, it's Ol' Dirty Bastard, forever and always, because that's what he is. In the Wu-Tang Clan, GZA may have called himself the Genius, but it's ODB who actually was. Combine his lyrical skills with endless legal problems, possible schizophrenia, and the kind of snaggle-teeth that would make MacGowan blush if he still had actual blood in his veins, and you've got an excellent, high profile, tortured fixer-upper case. ODB? Sexy. n° |
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Carrie Hill Wilner is a Manhattanite by birth and breeding. Still, she has lived in a lot of places and done a lot of things, and will probably live in others and do more. She is pretty sure she graduated from Columbia, but they never sent her a diploma. |
Commentarium (17 Comments)
Carrie I think you and I must have been secretly seperated at birth (except I'm male). I have a mad crush on Lili Taylor and I've always thought Sandra Berhard was VERY sexy. I agree 100% with all of your female choices. As for your male choices I would axe Snoop from the list (too "macho" for my taste). I've always thought Prince was hot in the same way I thought David Bowie was hot. They're both bisexual men who can be sexy by exhibiting THEIR own bodies instead of (or in addition to) women's (something sadly most guys are afraid to do). And though I had never thought of "honest" Abe as being sexy before I could kind of see it. I wouldn't mind having him emancipate my southern regions...(that's the best line I could think of on such short notice...)
What about Thom Yorke , from Radiohead : )
absolutely, peter sellers is hot. i forgot. comics and dweebs always have more sex appeal than normal people though. (thanks for leaving woody off the list) ...the list should be expanded for jason schwartzman? he has je ne sais quoi. great topic and sharp style,i love article like this so i don't feel alone
Hey waitaminnit. People aren't sexy in spite of having big noses. Big noses are just sexy. Isn't that obvious?
Wow, this one was weak even by throw-away standards.
Yes! Yes! And YES! And isn't this true: every woman thinks Sarah Jessica Parker is supersexy, and every single person with a penis thinks she's a mutt.
Willem DeFoe, how could you forget Willem DeFoe. Wild at heart he was best match for Laura Dern's flame. In Boondocksaints, he didn't have to even try to work it. Man, he is ugly, but is he sexy? Way sexy.
UM, it would appear to me that, with the possible exception of Snoop (I dunno, I'm not into dudes, but he IS Snoop), this article seems to confuse unique with sexy. Is being unique sexy? Probably not if you're a 30 year old man who lives with his mother and wets the bed. Unique, sure. Sexy, yick. Or is the confusion that famous equals sexy? Well, Engelbert Humperdink sure was famous, and maybe for a select crowd might have been hot and alluring, but sexy? What about the leader of North Korea, that psychopath, what's his name? He's unique AND famous. But sexy?
you forgot Jack Black.
his shaggy hair and beer gut may kinda make one weary, as well as his dorky over-love of obscure rock music....
but hes fuckin sexxxy
Wow. You forgot the most sexy unsexy of all: Willem Defoe!
You left out Carrot-Top
God, yes. Sarah Jessica Parker is about as sexy as a coelacanth. Of course, I know for a fact that the censors at nerveless will delete my comment, since it's not popular to have dissenting opinions in this place.
Oh, but, my nomination for sexiest ugly person ever: Don Rickles. Not, as some might suspect, Ani DiFranco, who is simply off-putting, and not sexily gross.
Sandra Bernhard: who could ever think her un-sexy, after all she did get the cover of Playboy, right? Sure she's aging but the strip-off in without you I'm nothing either got your motor running and tickled your funny bone or you are dead.
Patti Smith: Have to admit I'd let this rock and roll scarecrow into my bedroom and bounce her like a bunny on a trampoline. heck even if I sucked in bed maybe she'd write some crazy creepy commanche rock poetry about me. That alone gets her in the club.
PJ Harvey: the new Patti Smith. Shes flat chested and proud of it. She makes Nick Cave sing back up. Long Snake Moan? Come on people, wake up and smell what this skinny diva has to offer.
Nick Cave: Ok so his 'type" is actually some drunken secretary on margarita night who never heard of Howlin Wolf or the Birthday party, but isn't that sort of like hanging out at the cross roads with the magic bullets just trolling for the unbaptised? Nick, you da man.
Thank god for someone else that finds Sharon Osbourne, Patti Smith, and Lili Taylor sexy. Some guys getted jazzed up about finding "risque" pictures of J Lo and Halle Berry online. I treasure the ones I've found of Sharon, Patti, and Lili.
Is sexy-unsexy the same as sexy-ugly? Because if so I have got to vote for John Malkovich. Not conventionally attractive, but oh oh oh...give me that scene from Dangerous Liasons where he's convincing Uma Thurman to keep on writing that letter...yum!
How could we forget the sexiest unsexy actor alive: Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was the gay geek that I was in college in Boogie Nights, and since then every time I see him I'm impressed by his acting abilities and his pudgy, kind-hearted, puppy-dog sexiness, and his razor-sharp wit displayed in the 'Making of' documentaries of films like Magnolia. He keeps PT Anderson in stitches. He is one sexy guy.
Well, I know that a great many people disagree, but I've always had a secret attraction to Tonya Harding. Maybe it's the "trailer trash" thing, which shouldn't be sexy at all. Thank goodness we only have to sign with initials, because my friends would never let me live this one down.
Now you say something