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Who are the most patient professionals: Driving instructors? Fluffers? Nope — mattress hotline employees. That's what Nerve found after testing the bounce-back abilities of three such salespeople.
— Emily Nussbaum
Are mattresses easily cleaned?
Well, you should always use a mattress pad cover.
Just because my futon got wrecked, because of female ejaculation. It, like, soaked through.
Really? You're talking about period, now, right?
No, not period. Female ejaculation.
Oh.
You know, sometimes when women have an orgasm . . .
Oh, yes, I know, okay. Well, you'd want to have a waterproof plastic cover. Or to put a foam pad on top of it, and then throw that out. But the waterproof plastic is probably the best bet.
What's the largest bed you have?
The largest? You mean the frame?
The whole thing, as big as possible.
Well, the King is for two people, but there's extra room.
Because I'm in a polyamorous relationship, so there are five of us. We wanted something that wouldn't break . . .
That seems like a lot, but I could give you the dimensions of a King. A King mattress is 76 by 80, whereas a Queen is 60 by 80.
Are there some that are sturdier than others, that can take more activity?
Oh, yes. We have beds that are really sturdy. Sleigh beds made out of maple!
What's your biggest bed?
King size.
And how many people can you sleep in the bed?
Four, actually.
Four? Oh, that's great.
So that's pretty big! [Laughs.]
Oh, that's perfect. Because I want to sleep four or five people.
Yes, you can actually do that.
Are the beds really sturdy? Because I'm in a polyamorous relationship, and we have a bunch of people sleep in the bed at once, and our other bed broke.
Oh! Oh boy.
Can it take a lot of activity?
Well, Drexel Heritage makes very durable beds.
Do the headboards have bars?
We have different styles of beds, yeah.
Can you attach things to them, for bondage? Like handcuffs?
Um, I think maybe, maybe if you pick one that has the four-poster or something . . . Hold on a moment. [Hangs up.]
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© 2001 Emily Nussbaum and Nerve.com, Inc.
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