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Crush of the Week

Jane Fonda is everywhere lately promoting her new book. Between her lame Vietnam antics and those daffy workout tapes, we’d kind of written her off. But then, there she is on TV and in every magazine, saying things like: “It’s not easy to study your vagina. It takes commitment . . .I found my clitoris, of course, and for a good year was sure it was a penis waiting to be liberated . . .” or describing her apartment this way, “The entryway is a womb, and the door is a vagina. I had it designed so that you’re sort of delivered into the loft. Don’t you love it?” We sort of do. And for that, she is our crush of the week. — Ada Calhoun

Andrea Dworkin, R.I.P.

The death of feminist activist Andrea Dworkin was announced today. While all of her eulogizers mention her “love of dungarees,” that’s about all they can agree upon. Here’s the range of responses we’ve encountered this morning:

1) She was a mystic (per her official website)! An “Old Testament prophet” (per Gloria Steinem)! There is something “quasi-religious about the divide between devoted followers and those who would brand her a heretic” (per Louise Armstrong). She was a Cassandra (per Naomi Wolf), whose predictions about the pornographizing of the culture have all come true. And from that cloud, she’s got her sainted eye on you, Ms. Jenna Jameson!

2) She was deeply misunderstood! All that crazy stuff you heard about her saying all sex being rape was made up by Larry Flynt! Really, she was very reasonable! And married — gay, but married, which just proves how rational and willing to embrace contradictions she was!

3) She was “pachydermlike,” the “uncrowned queen of Segregationist Feminism.” (per equally loony propagandist Adam Parfrey).

4) She was “unabashedly polemical” (per more tactful sources, like this New York Times obit).

Obviously, we don’t agree that pornography is evil or that marriage is a contract to rape or any of the other extremist stuff that’s been, rightly or wrongly, attributed to Dworkin. We also don’t believe that the “pornographizing of the culture” everyone’s so smugly asserting has really happened. A few books on the bestseller list and the advent of streaming video does not a Culture of Death — er, Porn — make.
    But we also know that trying to commentate on Dworkin is like wading into quicksand. And maybe that’s her legacy — that Act III moment of an argument where you and the other person have each taken things a few steps past their logical conclusion, where you’re tired and confused and the whole world has become abstract. And then you just keep talking. — Ada Calhoun

Quotes of the Week

Since the Pope died, all kinds of stuff seems suddenly sacreligious, like the Go-Go’s nun-themed website, where you can “pray with sister go-go”: “Hail Go-Go’s, full of beat. The rock is with thee . . .”

Speaking of the Pope, the new sex blog by the author of Chloe Does Yale weighs in: “Last week marked two monumental events in an already criz-azzy 2005 ? the pope died (sad) and spring break arrived (awesome). The pope’s death didn’t really have an earth-shattering effect on a nice little pro-choice, sex columnist Jew like me, which left only one thing on my mind—spring break, a bastion of Catholicism.” Huh?

“It was euphoric. It was spiritual. I’d do it again today if I wasn’t so sore.” — Fish-hook piercee at a body-supension convention.

Now that’s a lead sentence: “Canadian researchers say they’ve found a way to help ‘finger’ men with physically aggressive personalities.” — MSN column on men’s health.

“First off, the celebrity mother gets her silicone breast implants removed early in her pregnancy to prevent stretching, then when the baby is born (usually whipped out by Caesarean at eight months to prevent the mother having to get too fat) new implants are put back, liposuction is done on the arse and thighs plus a full tummy tuck to get rid of all signs of pregnancy. The new mother keeps hidden from the public for about ten days while everything heals.” — UK gossip newsletter Popbitch describes the alleged new pregnancy procedure for the rich and body-obsessed, nicknamed “Mend it Like Beckham.”

Columnist Watch

Those wacky cultural commentators Matt Drudge, Maureen Dowd and Camille Paglia just can’t keep their commentating off each other.

Photos of the Week

Join the ManScouts, where public nudity is mandatory and whining is discouraged.

Definitely a first: a colorful poop sculpture in the New York Times.

The San Diego pandas have naturally mated! Hysterical biologists repeat, the pandas have naturally mated!


These photos of a “new summer trend” landed in our inbox. Now we’re scared of summer.

From Our Inbox

“One-third of our lives are spent sleeping and most sleep on the wrong type of bed for their body and lifestyle. Today, because of technology, you don’t need to spend $5,000 on a mattress to get a perfect night’s sleep. Would you be interested in discussing further the benefits of a good mattress for your night’s sleep?”

Fun and Games on the Internet

Nick and Jessica Mad Libs.

Google wants your homemade porn.

Product Placement

An April Fool’s joke, but a pretty sophisticated one: iCopulate.

Check out these ridiculously hot milk ads, encouraging British teens to “do dairy.”

Holy handjob, Batman.

Pussy Pop.

Optimus Prime is a posthumous prostate cancer spokesperson. R.I.P.

Tabloid Fodder

People
Dark cloud: The Pope is dead and Peter Jennings has lung cancer.
Silver lining: That large, discriminated-against opera star lost weight.

Us Weekly
Dark cloud: Chelsea Clinton’s boyfriend is working in Iraq.
Silver lining: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are drinking $2,300 wine.

In Touch
Dark cloud: Demi Moore is smoking again.
Silver lining: Paris Hilton has a new puppy, Bambi.

Star
Dark cloud: Kevin might be about to dump Britney, and since she’s possibly pregnant, she may fall into the category of women dumped while pregnant, like Mary-Louise Parker and Denise Richards.
Silver lining: Tommy Lee and Billy Idol still have “rock-hard bodies.”

 

 


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Research assistants: Sarah Harrison, Gwynne Watkins, Matt Hickman and Myung Joh.
Send tips to ada@nerve.com.

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