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 REGULARS


Crush of the Week

Even if the American version of The Office hasn’t found its audience yet, its obnoxiously buddy-buddy boss Steve Carell has been charming us with the same stupidly sincere deliveries that defined the interviewing style of The Daily Show. As the loveably literal and clueless meteorologist in Anchorman, he single-handedly explained how the Bush Administration gets by with appearances over substance. He puts his dead-pan humor to further use in the new comedy, The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, which he co-wrote. The film’s hero is a man who presents himself as a virgin-by-choice so his co-workers will lay him out of pity. With Carell as the virgin, it would’ve worked on us. And for that, he is our crush of the week. — Andy Duncan

Quote of the Week

“So as Jews gather around the world to remember past repression and to celebrate freedom with a huge feast, we’re honoring this wonderful holiday with some ‘Jewgayica.'” — Planetout wishes you an early Happy Gay Pride and a belated Happy Passover!

Photos of the Week

Thanks to Erosblog for this (fake?) naked photo of a young Tony Danza.

Photo accompanying a new pope story, or Nine Inch Nails cover art?

Shouldn’t someone tell this Oompa Loompa that her fly is down?

The sand pope: because sandcastles are too darn fallible.

The classiest diamond-studded crotch accessory we’ve ever seen worn by “an unidentified actress” at Cannes.

Occupational hazard: seeing phallic symbols everywhere.

The London Science Museum got head this week.

Pope Selection: The Morning After

If you’re feeling down about how conservative the pope we got is, make yourself feel better by reading the vaguely histrionic CNN round-up of the guys who lost: Cardinal Godfried Danneels “suspended the Rev. Rudi Borremans, a Belgian priest who announced he was homosexual and then celebrated a Mass in violation of Danneels’ orders.” Cardinal Francis Arinze “said the family is under siege around the world, ‘scorned and banalized by pornography, desecrated by fornication and adultery, mocked by homosexuality, sabotaged by irregular unions and cut in two by divorce.'” Cardinal Ivan Dias “praised a priest who counseled women who had abortions to give their unborn child a name so they could anticipate ‘meeting their baby one day’ in heaven.” Makes Ratzinger, the “driving force behind crackdowns on liberation theology, religious pluralism, challenges to traditional moral teachings on issues such as homosexuality, and dissent on such issues as women’s ordination” seem kinda mellow.

Sign of the Apocalypse

Bob Guccione Sr. (Penthouse) and Bob Guccione Jr. (Spin, Gear) have reconciled after a seventeen-year estrangement and intend to relaunch Sr.’s science magazine Omni. Don’t you wish this were your family photo?

Product Placement

The Netflix of butt plugs: Rent-a-Dildo. Via Fleshbot.

Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor by Laura Schaefer is a compliation of personal ads from 1727 to today.

Tabloid Fodder: The Learn Your Tabloids’ Priorities Edition

People
Jessica Simpson is . . . visiting the troops!

Us Weekly
Jessica Simpson is . . . best friends with her hair and make-up stylists.

In Touch
Jessica Simpson is . . . putting on a happy face while her marriage crumbles around her.

Star
Jessica Simpson is . . . bikini-ready!

 

 


Scanner appears every Tuesday.
Research assistants: Sarah Harrison, Gwynne Watkins, Matt Hickman,
Myung Joh, Adam Kaufman and Andy Duncan.
Send tips to ada@nerve.com.

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