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 REGULARS

Quotes of the Week

"All of us are hos in one way or another, but very few will ever get the chance to truly pimp." — From Ice T’s recently re-released porn video, Ice T’s Pimpin’ 101.

"Ang said
two men herding
sheep
was far more sexual than two men having sex on screen.” — Jake
Gyllenhaal on why he won’t be having sex with Heath Ledger in
Ang "enemy of the people" Lee’s upcoming film Brokeback
Mountain
.

"You have
a kid who is looking to fit in, and here you have a network that
looks very inviting, very accepting, and this young kid is going
to get a false representation of what homosexuality has to offer." — Mike
Haley
,
a manager of gender issues with the Christian group Focus on the
Family. He’s concerned that MTV’s new gay network will cause teenagers
to wrongly identify themselves as gay, just as he himself did
for 12 years.

 
Photos of the Week

Proof that Europe is better than we are at political ads: this still from a video encouraging citizens to vote in the European elections. (See, the baby has to decide to breastfeed, just like citizens have to decide to vote!)

Sailors! Come
to New York and molest
wax celebrities!

Al Gore shows off his jaw muscles.

 

In the News

Alexandra
Polier, the "intern" Kerry was accused of having an
affair with, fights back in New York magazine with an
article entitled "How
I Got Smeared
."

Advanced Grooming: pubic hair stencils.

Spanky the Clown: pedophile for hire.

A grenade concealed in a vagina kills three.

Justice: two cops that
starred in porn flicks won’t be fired.

Can so many
British chippies really be lying? Yes, says former Spice Girl Victoria
Beckham
. "He’s always been faithful," she says of
her soccer-star husband.

Dan Savage calls attention to the tragic plight of the "boytaur" fetishist.

boy·taur \’boi-tawr\ n 1. a guy with four (or more) legs;
2. a guy with multilimb or other transformations.


A sample of the group’s fan fiction: "Eric grows many, many
beautiful feet for his lover."

Hey, ladies: Mark Anthony and Snoop Dogg are both back on the market.

Plans are unveiled for LOGO, the first gay television channel.

Louisiana
will not ban low
rise jeans
.

The Swedish Organization for Sexual Education is starting a condom delivery service.

People keep stealing Cameron Diaz’s panties.

A mother
wants her transgendered daughter’s name
changed
on her death certificate, from Eduardo to Gwen.

Enrique Iglesias and Anna Kournikova have reportedly eloped.

Say it ain’t
so: New York bans the sale of used
underwear
.

Elusive
Quality
,
father of Smarty Jones (winner of the Kentucky Derby and
the Preakness Stakes), will mate with more than 200 mares
this year, for a per-encounter fee of roughly $50,000.

Fox drops its proposed reality show Seriously Dude, I’m Gay.

 

From the Archives

"His lips were fixed to mine; the soft velvety tip of his tongue was a tidbit I could not refuse, and I sucked it till I almost choked for want of breath. He spent again under the stimulating emotions with which I inspired him. He lay still for a few moments as we recovered our breath, then, with an upward motion of my buttocks, I challenged him to go on. It was a most erotically voluptuous love engagement. I could not exhaust him; he was continually shooting his love juice into my very insatiable womb, and it was more than an hour before either of us would consent to a cessation of the game."

— From The Pearl: A Journal of Voluptuous Reading. The Underground Magazine of Victorian England (1967)

 
Christian Magazine Smackdown

While
there’s still no Old Testament glossy — a shame since it
means no splashy commentary on the story of Lot’s daughters,
i.e., “Don’t sleep with your dad unless
you’re
totally desperate” — there is now a male version
of Revolve, the New Testament-as-fashion-mag. It’s called Refuel,
and like its sister publication it uses actual Biblical text
sandwiched between eye-catching graphics, advice columns, top
10 lists, and articles about
Christian
bands. — Gwynne Watkins

  REVOLVE REFUEL
On the cover:

"Are
You Dating a Godly Guy?"
"How
to Get Along with Your Mom"”

Guitars! Sports! Jesus!
People to pray for: Justin Timberlake, Reese Witherspoon Jim Carrey, Orlando Bloom
Advice: “You need a good, balanced foundation for the rest of your makeup, kinda like how Jesus is the strong foundation in our lives.” "Random
Ways to Ask a Girl Out:
Mow your invite into a tall-grass
field.” (This
advice is found alongside the story of Christ’s temptation.)
 
Another Sign of the Apocalypse

Axe Deodorant’s Pitman.

This blog puts it well: “I believe too much advertising today focuses
on unrealistic body images, trying to associate products with sex
appeal: ‘Use our product, and you will become a chiseled hunk who
draws women from miles around.’ You, however, have chosen to break
that mold, with an ad whose underlying message seems to be: ‘Use
Axe anti-perspirant, and you will become a hairy
torso
with
no head, arms or genitalia.’"

 

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