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There’s a lot of great reading tucked away in the Web. The bad news is that you don’t have the time to click through thousands of sites looking for these hidden gems. The good news is that we do.
Spirm Firm
From the “Frequently Asked Questions” section on, a company which runs lab tests on semen-stained garments for a fee.

Sperm Firm: From the “Frequently Asked Questions” section on, a company which runs lab tests on semen-stained garments for a fee.

Will you damage tested item?
No. We can sample the stain using distilled water and a swab.

Can the tested item be returned?
Yes. The item can then be returned to you for a modest S&H charge.

What if the item to be tested is too large for shipping?
You have two choices here; 1. you can cut out the stain and send it to the lab; or 2. We can send you a swab kit that contains everything you will need to swab the stain and ship it to the lab.

What does a negative result mean?
A negative result means the stain did not contain semen. Vaginal infections (bacterial or yeast) can often produce a white to yellow crusty stain. Normal vaginal secretions can also be mistaken for semen stains.

What does a positive test mean?
A positive test indicated that semen was present in the stain. The report of a positive result is definitive. This test alone, can not tell from whom the semen came.

Can you tell who the semen stain came from?
Yes. SemenStain.Com is part of a full service forensic DNA laboratory. If you would like to have state of the art DNA profiling performed, inquire regarding pricing.

Can you test for vaginal fluids?
No. There’s no specific test for vaginal fluid.

Girls Against Boys
From an essay found on The Eunuch Archive, which describes itself simply as “a place for the Eunuch Community.”

How I Destroyed My Husbands Dick

I’ve been married to my husband for over 16 years. After I had our first child, my sex drive went down drastically. I was about 29 at the time. Sex became a chore, and eventually I tried to avoid it altogether. Several threats of divorce later, I decided to just put up with it, and for 10 years I went along and satisfied my husbands sexual desires — which never did anything for me. We could have sex all night long, and all I felt was mild (and sometimes intense) pain.

Last year I decided to take matters into my own hand. I researched ways of reducing male libido on the Internet, and even looked into castration. But I knew my husband would never agree to anything that would change his sex drive — he has made it known he is quite proud of his prowess, or his supposed prowess, in bed, and fancies himself quite the ladies man.

I came across several sites that discussed “Cyperterone Acetate” a drug used to reduce the sex drives of prisoners in certain countries. I was surprised and pleased to find out that this substance can quite easily be bought through the internet, and I even learned how to get it legally by faking a female vaginal disorder, which it is prescribed for.

It’s Like Ice Cream
A post from the message boards at, a website dedicated to “curing” gays through faith in Jesus. The post was in response to several hostile messages left by gays who had questioned the viability of changing one’s sexual orientation.

I dont care how you cut the cake and smooth the icing, Homosexuality is wrong according to the word of God and more. Seeing that many people does not want to hear what God has to say, lets just hear the point of view of a “normal girl” it is nasty! I dont care what anyone else has to say. I cant help to get a little religious, but if God wanted people to be dike and faggot, then he would have made Adam and Steve not Eve. or even Eve and Madam not Adam. A husband is to wife as icecream is to cone. They go together! thats just like sayin you want two icecream scoops but dont put it in nothin. does that make any type of sense? uum NO! it is grose and unnormal! back in the day when my mom was young folks go beat you up if someone found out you was gay. Why? Cuz it is nasty and unsanitary! If you do a study, you will find out that most people that are affected with aids are homosexuals. I am sorry but any one who is interested in the same sex is sick and really needs some one to help them.

Boys to Men
Letter which was sent to NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association, and published on the organization’s website, . The author, who calls himself “The Unicorn,” claims to be twelve years old.

I support NAMBLA because they have given me a chance to philosophize publicly by printing my column. NAMBLA gave me support after the arrest of my man-friend. They have made me comfortable in a gay atmosphere. They take criticism well and always rectify mistakes.

NAMBLA does not lay low on the subject of youth emancipation. NAMBLA supports youth liberation and emancipation. NAMBLA is against the draft, circumcision and clitoridectomy, ageism and other positions pertaining to youth.

NAMBLA, in my view, is a very revolutionary organization. NAMBLA puts out the Bulletin, which is the only magazine of its kind in the U.S. Many NAMBLA members discontinued their sex lives in order to preach the truth about intergenerational sex. NAMBLA members are lovers who seek major changes in the structure of society.

So how could I not support NAMBLA? They are true gay people. They understand that gayness starts at a young age, too. Love comes in all forms, so a relationship should not be deemed wrong unless it is provable that the sex act was unconsensual. I believe in a sexual revolution. To quote Che Guevera, “The true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love.” Keep up the good work, NAMBLA!

Perk Me Up, Perk Me Down
From the Frequently Asked Questions section of, a company which makes fake protruding nipples.

Are Bodyperks available in different sizes?
Bodyperks were designed so that one size fits all, and crafted to produce just the right amount of perkiness, regardless of breast size or shape.

How can Bodyperks fit a 32AA and a 36D?
Bodyperks are about the protrusion not the circumference!

Are Bodyperks available in different colours?
Currently Bodyperks are only available in a natural colour but we are working on others!

What will Bodyperks do for me?
They will make your life more fun by enhancing the beauty of your breasts with the illusion of natural, erect nipples!

Do you need to wear a bra or do they attach to the body?
For best effect wear a bra or if you are small chested a tight tee shirt that has Lycra in it and combined with your own bodyheat they will stay firmly in place. No glue or velcro needed!

Compiled by Barrett Brown and Sarah Harrison

© 2003, Inc.

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