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Crush of the Week

We thought the whole point of a tampon case was to conceal its contents, but according to Vinnie, tampons are a light not to be hidden under a bushel. Only a sensitive new age guy would manufacture things like tampon cases and the “GIANT Roller Coaster Period Chart & Journal Sticker Book,” right? Well, he seems a little more interesting than that, and for more details we’re deciphering the lyrics of his favorite band, Jimmy Luxury, e.g.: “You know what really sucks about being short, I gotta get all my suit pants tapered, I got this one great tan suit and from a distance they tell me it makes me look naked.” And for that, he is our crush of the week. — Ada “on week three of jury duty, so if there’s a broken link this week, please just suck it up” Calhoun

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Quotes of the Week

“She was stunning. You could set a glass right on her rear end and you wouldn’t spill a drop, which I like a lot.” — Burt Reynolds, who was taken aback when Jessica Simpson’s grandfather asked him to watch over the Dukes of Hazzard co-star.

“I just read a blurb that pre-packaged foods can cause people to turn gay because of too much estrogen. If I was only allowed one question for Snopes, I would ask if this is true. Is it?” — from the inbox at Snopes, the urban legends reference site.
“Maybe Details Staff Needs to Look in the Mirror Just a Tad Longer.” — Gawker beats us to the best headline ever.
Photos of the Week

If you live in New York and have a dirty car (or a dirty mind), visit the VAVAVROOM charity Bikini Car Wash at Lillie’s in Red Hook on August 13th and 20th from 2-9pm. Julie Atlas Muz and Kate Valentine have assembled an army of bikini-clad burlesque stars. For $30, you get your car washed by some hot-but-artistic girl, all-you-can-eat BBQ and a cocktail — always a good idea at a car wash. Lillie’s Bar is located at 46 Beard St. (naturally) in Red Hook, Brooklyn. Call 212-330-9349 for info.

Dirty origami! Our office manager, Gwynne, proposed a contest for most creative dirty origami, so if you’re sitting there with a stack of paper and come up with something brilliant, send it to Gwynne Watkins, Nerve.com, 520 Broadway, Ninth Floor, New York, NY, 10012, and we’ll try to come up with a suitable prize.
A reader recently turned us on to ESPN’s highly watchable lumberjack coverage.
We misread “Mailman is the New Hemingway” as “Mailer is the New Hemingway” and were like, Jesus, how did that Norman Mailer fanatic at the last book party we attended get on CNN?
The logo for this medical supplies company looks like a position of the day.
Product Placement

Eeeek! Everyone must watch the pleasebeajoke commercial for Alan Cumming’s new fragrance. We dare you to avoid comparing it with David Brent’s music video from The Office Special.

The One-Click Kamasutra, like Grand Theft Auto without the guns and cars.
Custom-order your very own erotic story here.
Tabloid Fodder: the Jury Duty edition

People

Case: Will Sienna take Jude back?

Decision: She better not! The court system’s clogged enough without the suits they’d be lobbing at each other after a couple years of marriage.

Us Weekly

Case: Will Maddox be jealous of his new baby sister?

Decision: He better not! Statute 7.672 prohibits sibling rivalry.
In Touch

Case: Did Jessica Simpson have plastic surgery?

Decision: The photographic evidence is hard to interpret.
Star

Case: Is Dave Navarro’s violent grabbing of his own crotch normal or not normal?

Decision: Not normal! Sigh. We can’t help wishing these were the kind of questions we were being asked over at the New York State Supreme Court.



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appears every Tuesday.

Research assistants:
Gwynne Watkins, Sarah Harrison, Sarah Crichton,
David Diehl, Skye Tyler and Andy Duncan.

Send tips to ada@nerve.com.


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