Regulars

Scanner

Pin it

 REGULARS


 
 
Porn-Again Christians
From XXXChurch.com, a Christian website that has just produced an anti-porn commercial starring a person with dwarfism. The ad can be viewed at http://www.xxxchurch.com/patrol/campaign.asp.

FAQ’s

Does porn really stunt your growth?
Though the commercial depicts your growth being stunted physically the reality is that porn does not really affect your overall height. However, porn does impact your growth as a person. We have seen porn jack up marriages, careers, relationships, and families. Our message is simply that it is time to put childish things like porn behind you and grow up.

Isn’t this exploiting midgets?
Our message is meant to be provocative and we use shocking things to get our point across. It’s difficult to get peoples attention these days especially with un-popular topics like pornography. We are not here to be politically correct but to address an important issue. Also, Eddie was paid handsomely for his work and had a wonderful day hanging with the guys from XXXchurch.

Why are you running it on the Howard Stern Show and The Man Show?
This should be rather obvious but we will go ahead and answer this question. You see the Howard Stern Show and The Man Show have mainly a young male demographic. That is an obvious target market for us here at XXXchurch. These shows have the right to state what they think about porn, sex, and girls. We just want to present the other side of the story.

 
On a Tear
A testimonial from a woman who had her clit pierced. From www.bmezine.com.

Out of my thirteen past and present piercings, I would have to say my favorite was my clit piercing. Sadly it is no more, but I’ll get to that part later.

About a year ago my girlfriend at the time fancied a whim of hers and came home with her clit pierced, much to my surprise. After about a month of enjoying her improved bits I began toying with the idea of decorating my own “Southern Belle”. I spent about a week contemplating the pros and cons, looking up info and talking to my artist. Finally, after wracking my brain to the max, I decided to quit being a pussy and just do it.

My artist, Flip, is my ex boyfriend, I don’t think I would be comfortable with anyone else piercing me anywhere, let alone such a delicate extremity. So I made the appointment and about an hour before hand prepared the area for piercing (i.e. shaving, cleansing ect.). I’m not going to lie, I was extremely nervous about this and nearly bailed. All my other piercings are facial and navel, I’d never ventured anywhere below the waist. But I took a few deep breaths, sucked up my fear, hiked my skirt and plopped down on the table.

Flip told me to lay back with my legs in the stirrups while he lined up the dots. He asked me if I wanted to watch and I just laughed and closed my eyes. Funny, funny little man…they put blindfolds on victims of the firing squad for a reason. I felt him put the clamp on and for a brief second I thought that that was it, that he had just pierced it. Delirium is a funny thing. I’d have to say that was the worst part, the fact that from that point until it was over, he had total and complete control over my clit. He told me to take a deep breath in and once I did I felt something like a pinch. That was it for the needle. Just a pinch. It stung a bit when he slid the ring in, but in a sadistic sort of way it was pleasurable.

Once everything was all said and done, I sat up and immediately laid myself back down. All the endorphins were making my head spin and I had to take a few minutes to collect myself. Flip gave me a Coke to stabilize my sugar levels and after I had a few drinks I stood up on a wobbly pair of legs. Everyone had to contain their chuckles because I was walking like I had just gotten off of a horse, not out of discomfort but out of caution.

Once I got home it started to have a dull throbbing ache, so I wrapped an ice pack in a towel and vegged on the couch in front of an all-day marathon of Cartoon Network.

It only took about a week for all traces of pain/throbbing/aching to go away completely; it healed quickly and cleanly. We resumed our normal sex life a little after two weeks and I must say I use the term “normal” loosely. It was beyond anything I had ever experienced. The few days of discomfort were more than worth it.

The next part is not for the faint of heart.

About three months after my piercing, we were having a romp in the hay when suddenly I felt a sharp tug, and a white-hot pain shoot through my belly. I looked down to see her stuck face first in my vagina. Somehow the top ball of her tongue ring had slid its way into my hoop, but it was such a snug fit that she couldn’t slide it back out. She couldn’t get her fingers close enough to the tongue ring without painfully pulling on my clit.

I thank God for cordless phones, and that ours was close at hand. Frantically I dialed Flip’s number and told him that he wouldn’t believe this, but we were stuck together.

Flip was over in a flash and after having a jolly moment of laughing his ass off at the sight of us, spent a grueling ten minutes carefully prying us apart. Needless to say my clit ring tore. Not all the way out, and it wasn’t a large tear, but it was enough that I felt like I was dying. I removed the ring and spent a week in bed being a baby, but hell, I think I had a damn good reason.

I’ve thought about getting re-pierced but my mind keeps flashing back to that dreadful day. Thankfully I haven’t lost any sensation from the incident. I really did enjoy the piercing though and if my current girlfriend didn’t have her tongue pierced, I would get it again. I hope this serves as a caution to everyone out there. It can and does happen.

 
On the Download
Married But Looking is a website for people seeking extramarital affairs. In addition to personal ads, married-but-looking.com offers a variety of hints and how-to information. Below is a selection of tips for men seeking affairs with married women.

Wife Lover Tips and Tricks

# 1
Don’t become a friend of the family. Avoid the temptation to get everybody together, introducing husbands and wives to lovers. This is not adultery, this is sick.

# 3
Don’t flirt with sudden death by insisting your lover take you to a restaurant that is frequented by your husband or wife and all their best friends, even if it is your favorite restaurant.

# 4
If you feel the magic going out of your extramarital affair, invent a fantasy life. However it probably would have been good to at least try this with your wife or husband prior to having an affair.

# 10
Don’t EVER complain about your own spouse. This shows a lack of character. After all, it was your choice.

# 15
Do put her picture on your dressing table. It will make her nervous, but she will like it. Don’t do this if you share your dressing table with your wife. She won’t understand and definitely won’t like it.

# 17
Don’t have an affair with your boss. Not unless you don’t like your job and you have another lined up. However, his boss is a possibility.

# 19
Don’t have love bites, scratches, bruises, haircuts or shaved pubes you can’t explain away.

# 27
Do stop the car miles from home and take the time to inspect the ashtrays, glove compartment, floors, especially under seats for anything that give the game away. If they ever say has anyone been in the car. Always answer “Yes,” because the next question if you don’t will be: “Hmmm why has this cigarette butt got lipstick on the tip” OR “There is an opened condom wrapper under the seat.”

 
Even Better Than the Real Thing?

Customer testimonials from Realdoll.com, a company that manufactures prosthetic women.

Subject: Thanks!
From: Name withheld
I just got my Real Doll this morning. I think I’m in love! THANK YOU! Man, you guys really deliver. If my doll is any example then your site does NOT do your dolls justice. Leah’s face is SO beautiful and her breasts are AMAZING! How do you do that?! I can’t keep my hands off her! I must admit that I was a bit worried about the size of the crate, but now I can see why it has to be that way and it really did a great job of protecting Leah during shipping …you’ll be happy to know she arrived in perfect shape! Leah and I had some wild fun this evening and I’ve got big plans for her this coming weekend. I cannot get over how REAL she looks and feels! You have made me one very happy man and I hope you guys go out there and make many more men happy!

name withheld by request
Subject: My solution
From: name withheld
Fabulous!!! I’m 65 with the same libido I had at 18. I wish I could get Medicare to get me one (or two). It would do wonders for my health… I could live to be 100 or more. Too bad I was born horny instead of rich. If only there was a real Santa… what a good boy I would be! I wish YOU great success and to those who can afford… ENJOY!

Subject: real doll kudos
From: name and email address withheld by request
What an exciting product whose time has come. I’m a 45 yr old mother of 1 and I think this product is great and has the potential to transform our society.

Pros-
– Young men who are curious and frustrated can get one of these instead of a risky trip to a brothel/prostitute/drunk female friend.
– These might help some perform their socially undesirable behaviors on a REALDOLL.
– Great for men on the road. SAFE physically and legally.
– The threesome fantasy can be fulfilled in the comfort of your home without many of the problems of infidelity. My husband could get a good work out right here in the house, and if I have a headache, don’t feel like it, or the arthritis is acting up well, no problem.
– Women would love a buddy on a long drive.
– This might be a relief for people with AIDS, wheelchair bound, confined, etc.

Cons-
– May delay acquisition of social skills by those in need.
– Men will develop a distorted view of women physically or as life-long marital sex partners.

This is not so big a deal. Most people are able to separate fantasy from reality, and if they can’t lack of REALDOLLS isn’t going to make a difference anyway. The time-crunched money-focused prostitutes, ooh-aah videos, airbrushed magazine pictures, even a roll in the hay with a girlfriend before marriage — all these give a distorted picture of marital sexual relations anyway. We women have this Tom Cruise/Mel Gibson fill-in-the-blank fantasy but we don’t impose that on our balding, beer-bellied, burping, stinky-socked but loveable husbands! I could stand to lose about 20 lbs but my sweetheart loves me much.

Some people will never be satisfied by artificial sexual stimuli but that’s ok. I’m looking forward to a male version (I don’t think women will buy many but men sure will).

 
Deep Throat
Fiction from the Hiccup Lover’s Website. The entire text is available at http://hiccup_lovers.tripod.com/colleen1.html.

At the beginning, Colleen was hiccupping about once every five seconds, but she was soon breathing harder, and her hiccups started coming every four seconds. Another minute or two and she was moaning with pleasure despite herself, and her hiccups were up to once every three seconds. It occurred to her, she could use this! Her first time, at the drive-in, she hadn’t known what to expect, and she’d been pretty submissive, but she’d learned that her hiccups would accelerate to one per second just before she came. Now her normal personality surfaced, and she began goading him in a way that was pure Colleen:

“(hic!) You like it when I get hiccups, don’t (hic!) you? You love it when I get hic(hic!)cups, don’t you? You’d love it if I (hic!) hiccupped all freakin’ night, wouldn’t you? (hic!) Well, c’mon, you want hiccups, make me (hic!) hiccup, dammit! They’re only three (hic!) seconds apart, and I need to be (hic!) up to one a second! C’mon, (hic!) dammit, do me!”

— Compiled by Sarah Harrison and Gwynne Watkins
© 2003 Nerve.com, Inc.



 


Click
here
for more of Scanner