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Crush of the Week

So far, Kinga Karolczak from Big Brother 6 UK has simulated sex with a wine bottle, a bin, an inflatable dog and the air. She’s also grabbed and commented on a guy’s package and gone topless. Since the airing, there have been eighty-three complaint calls to Media regulator Ofcam. The Sun Online, Scanner’s soulmate, titled their piece on her, “The Creature with the Slack Bazooms.” And for that, she is our crush of the week. — David Diehl

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Quotes of the Week

“I don’t believe (monogamy) is realistic. But, I believe that we, as people, have the power to make it happen . . . If you focus your attention on (cheating), then you are always wondering if your husband or men are out there cheating on you. If for some reason, that’s what he has to go do, I just don’t want to know. As long as things are good in our house, just please, don’t get caught.” — Kate Hudson on Access Hollywood.

“It’s Sex and the City-type writing for younger, feminine lesbians.” — The description of a new book by a Teen Vogue sales assistant that just sold for a bazillion dollars .
“It’s now getting to the point where we could probably start a second site devoted entirely to female teachers arrested for bedding underage male students.” — The Smoking Gun, with details of the latest such scandal.
In the course of our month on jury duty, we’ve noticed an unbecoming blame-the-victim tendency among our colleagues.

“Why didn’t you just say in the empaneling that you believe all drugs should be legal?” — Rev. Jen Miller

“Why didn’t you just wear pigtails and fishnets and mismatched Converse sneakers to the empaneling?” — Gwynne

“You got picked for a trial? No one I know gets picked for trials! You must have really asked for it.” — Assorted friends
Photos of the Week

We asked a kid recently why anyone would play video-softball when they could play real softball and he said, “It’s for the nerds who can’t play in real life.” Any analogy to draw here?

No gray hair = blowjobs.
From Our Inbox

August is Anal Sex Month

Good Vibrations Says It’s One National Holiday Worth Getting Behind

(San Francisco), August 3, 2005

The month of August celebrates the 78th Anniversary of Anal Sex month, which was launched in 1927 with the slogan “Give in to Haste and Remain Chaste,” and has been advertised throughout its history with such randy phrases as “It’s Better Out Back”.

Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D, author of Spectacular Sex — Make Over Your Love Life concludes “During anal sex month, avoid calling anyone an ‘asshole,’ because that’s an insult to all of our beautiful anuses. It’s high time we honor our anuses with lots of love, licks, luxurious lubes and loving touch.”

Product Placement

Proctor and Gamble are coming out with *almost* tampons, for young girls who aren’t having their period yet but who want to . . . Psych. The excellent satire promo is here. And a discussion ensues here.

Control your long-distance lover’s vibrator online.
Now on eBay is the pool table on which Jude and the nanny performed "more than ‘normal’
gaming." As of press time, the current high bidder was "imconfused666."
Tabloid Fodder

An American edition of the English tabloid OK! appears on the scene this week with a bold claim to being “the world’s biggest and brightest celebrity magazine.” We like unchecked ambition, and the very British looking editor-in-chief Sarah Ivens promises in her Editor’s Letter, “We won’t disappoint!” So with that, we pushed all the other tabloids off the table this week.

First impression: Like an in-flight magazine for an airline whose only destination is Hollywood.

Patron saint: Tara Reid, of whom there are appoximately 12,000 glamour shots.

Favorite word: “Cute.” (Paris and Paris are a cute couple”; Tara Reid is a “cute starlet”; Mariah ate at a “cute restaurant.”)

Scoops: Only one: Jessica Simpson says, “If I got pregnant, I would be ecstatic, but we’re not trying. We’re definitely practicing, though.”

Party coverage: Cynthia Nixon and Russell Simmons looking uncomfortable.

Horoscopes: “Just because someone’s cute doesn’t mean they’re a good investment.”

Deal-breaker: Calling Mariah “Marvelous Mariah.”

Redeeming display copy: “Mariah says that high heels are central to her persona.”

Overall sexiness: 3/10, with all three points earned by disheveled Mischa Barton looking hungover and pretty while drinking iced coffee.



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appears every Tuesday.

Research assistants:
Gwynne Watkins, Sarah Harrison, Sarah Crichton,
David Diehl, Skye Tyler and Andy Duncan.

Send tips to ada@nerve.com.


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